Working Girl: Questions about the Professional Dominatrix
Q. Elise, I love being a Dominant. I have discovered a whole new me. I was thinking about becoming a professional Dominatrix. I love to dominate men and it pays a lot better than my current job. Do you have any suggestions on how I could get started?
A. You had better really think long and hard before you make the plunge into the world of professional Domination. It is not an easy profession and it takes a certain type of woman to succeed at it. Not only must you be very dominant, but also you have to be well skilled in the arts of D&S and B&D. You also have to have a good business mind.
It does pay great money, but you have to invest a lot back into your business. All of the wardrobe and equipment is not cheap. Plus you need a place to play that is separate from your house. This means paying rent or an additional house payment. Then there are the legal issues. What does your local laws consider obscene behavior? Some places D&S and B&D for money is acceptable while other more conservative places consider it prostitution.
Let's say that where you live it is all right to practice professional D&S or B&D; and let's say that you have the Dominant personality, the right skills, the right equipment and wardrobe, and even a place to play. There is still the issue of security. How are you going to protect yourself from a nutcase that wants sex and not domination? If you solve this problem, are you prepared to be stood up a lot? Having men make appointments then not showing up is very common in the professional Dom business. For these and other reasons, I have known a number of women who have tried their hand at being a Pro Dom, only to find out that it wasn't what they thought it would be.
Now I do not want to totally discourage you. There are hundreds of women who are able to handle these challenges and who make quite a good living doing it. Plus they really enjoy being a Pro Dom. You might be the type of woman who would be a natural. I would recommend that you hook up with an already practicing Dom. Some of these ladies are looking for reliable women to help them when they are over booked or when someone requests two Doms at one time. A Pro Dom can help to teach you the ropes (no pun intended) and show you how to handle all of the various situations that might come up. Then once you feel that you are skilled enough and ready to go out on your own; you will be much better prepared.
Q. Elise, I want to dominate my husband in front of other women. Yet, I am afraid to expose our lifestyle to family and friends, and I don't want to pay $300+ to do it in front of a Dominatrix. What would you recommend?
A. Dominating your submissive in front of other women can be a very effective and powerful technique in drawing out more of his submissive nature. You are wise not to do it in front of family and friends. Unless, you know that one of them is also into this lifestyle. I would recommend that you do the Dominatrix thing at least once or twice to start out. This will get you started. Then you can begin to make new friends with other dominant women.
I would recommend joining a female domination support group if you live near a large city, where one might exist. If you don't have this option, there is a new invention out there that allows like-minded people to communicate with each other. It's called the Internet and I am sure that you have access to it or you wouldn't know about me.
Use the Internet and make contacts with other F/D couples. Build a friendship by using e-mail and then call each other on the telephone. Then once you are comfortable with another dominant woman, set-up a time and a place to meet. Go out to dinner.
If you are still comfortable, afterwards arrange a time and place where you can dominate your husband in front of her. She might want to do the same. The fact that you will know that she's into F/D before you ever meet with her will make it easy to play in front of her or watch her play in front of you. Be patient and selective and you shouldn't have any trouble making new friends who are into this lifestyle. Remember that there are others out there just like you who are also searching for another couple that they can trust and share ideas with.
Q. Ms Sutton, I am a single man still in search for a full time relationship with a dominant woman. However, I do regularly visit a professional Dominatrix and I have been seeing her once a month for the past year. She is a beautiful woman and she is very skilled. She has taken me to levels of submission that I never thought was possible.
The problem is that I am starting to have very strong feeling for her. I think I am in love with her. I buy her presents and I bring her flowers each time I visit her. I know that I am one of many submissive men that visit her, but I was wondering if I should let her know my feelings. What do you think?
A. It is very common for a submissive man to fall for his professional Dominant. She is touching areas within you that no woman has before. I had many men confess to me that they had strong feeling for me when I would be performing my psychoanalysis on them. It is very flattering and I am sure that your professional Dominant wouldn't mind hearing you admit your feelings to her.
Just be prepared to hear her tell you that she doesn't date clients or that she is already in a relationship with a man. Some Dominants will agree to go on some dates with their clients. Dinner and a play or concert wouldn't be out of the question, but don't get your hopes up that it will ever develop into anything more than a friendship.
The best advice I can give you is to date out-going and aggressive women with the hopes of introducing them to this lifestyle. If you do find someone, be patient and don't expect her to be as experienced as your professional Dominant. It may take her years to develop the skills of your Dominant. In the mean time, continue seeing your professional Dominant and enjoy your time with her. It's not as fulfilling as a relationship, but it's better than having no one and only fantasizing about it. If she agrees to have an occasional dinner with you before you "play", that may go a long ways toward fulfilling your social needs until you find someone of your own.
Q. Dear Elise, First may I congratulate you on your website, I believe it is the most informative and comprehensive site dealing with the issue of female supremacy. I am a fit, professional 36 yr old male who has experimented with female domination for the past 10 yrs but only in the last 2 yrs have I fully embraced the female supremacy lifestyle. I currently serve a beautiful 24 yr old Goddess, I'm actually part of her stable of 3 slaves.
Prior to this I essentially saw Pro Doms. Over this time what I have come to observe is that many more young females are becoming Female Dominants and living the Female Supremacy lifestyle than ever before. When I first started seeing Pro Doms 10 yrs ago, most were in their late 20's with the majority in their 30's. When I first started seeing these Pro Doms I was first experimenting but really I was topping from the bottom. However over the past 5 yrs in particular I have been amazed as to how many young women in their very early 20's have entered the scene, in fact many are college students. What also became very apparent with these younger women was they were a lot more aggressive, demanding and dominating than I ever experienced. In fact they do not tolerate any topping from the bottom and it wasn't long before they corrected my behavior.
I have spoken to a few men I know who are also submissive and they have told me the same. The young dominatrix of today is a very aggressive and demanding young woman. My Goddess that I serve now is the most demanding woman I have met. She is very strict and her discipline and punishments are painfully severe but fair. Through serving my Goddess I have come in contact with many of her friends and I am amazed at how many of these young women have actively embraced Female Supremacy and actively dominate their male partners.
Elise, in your work and dealing with dominant women and submissive men have you also noticed this trend? Also I have observed that a lot of these young women are taking on more than one slave to serve them and are demanding a lot from their slaves. My Goddess has many submissive males knocking her door willing to become her slave. Are you seeing this trend as well and do you think it will turn out this way?
A. Your observations are factual and further evidence of the evolution of western civilization toward female dominance. Younger women are less indoctrinated with the patriarchal dogma of traditional roles. Thus, they are less inhibited about embracing their dominant natures. College aged women are more liberated and more aggressive than women were when I attended college and we were more aggressive than our Mothers. Society keeps changing with each passing generation. Girls are outperforming boys educationally from grade school through higher education and this superiority in the classroom has given Girls a tremendous boost to their dreams, goals and expectations in life.
As exciting as all this is, you are only seeing the beginning of what will be in the future. There are still a lot of women who are timid about being dominant as there are still a lot of girls being raised in so-called traditional families and communities. The patriarchy is losing control but it still influences lots of young girls and young boys. As women continue to excel and as society continues to evolve, more and more girls will become dominant with each passing generation.
The old barriers are beginning to come down and women are becoming more independent and liberated. Young college aged women of today are really the first generation of women in modern history that witnessed their mothers being successful businesswomen, career women, independent women, and dominant women. Thus this is the first generation of women who are not bound by past stereotypes of the sexes. It will be much easier for these women to embrace FemDom than it was for their mothers. It will be much easier for a man to seduce a woman's dominance within this generation. When these women have daughters of their own, one wonders how much more aggressive and dominant they will be in the next generation?
The taking on of multiple submissive males is not a new phenomenon of today's younger dominant women. This is more a result of the fact that there are still more men who desire to be dominated than there are women who openly embrace Female Domination. In the early 1980's when I got started in this lifestyle, most practicing dominant women had more than one submissive as most BDSM and Fetish groups were made up of lots of submissive men but only a minimal number of dominant women. This afforded the dominant women to build a "stable" of submissives if they so desired. The same still holds true today and will continue until more women embrace Female Domination. The good news for men is that more and more women are embracing Female Domination so the ratio of submissive men to practicing dominant women is greatly decreasing.
Part of this disparity is due to the fact that some men would rather serve a woman who has already come into her dominance (even if that means only being one of her many submissives) rather than taking the time and effort to try to seduce a wife or girlfriend's dominant nature. The latter takes more patience as the male must go through the growing pains as the woman overcomes her inhibitions. But the payoff is well worth it as there is nothing as exciting as witnessing a woman going through that metamorphosis. I receive lots of e-mail from men who are just amazed at how sexual and aggressive their wives have become. Most men find this change to be very erotic and exciting. Nevertheless, some men do not have the patience or confidence that the woman in their life will ever become the dominant woman of their dreams so they seek out submissive fulfillment from a woman who has already embraced her dominance.
As a woman comes into her dominance, the desire is there to have multiple submissives, as one man can rarely fulfill all of the needs of woman. Having so many men begging to serve naturally wets the appetite of the dominant female. A woman's dominant nature feeds off of a man's submission so the woman with multiple submissive men will grow even more dominant as she will be feeding off of the collective submission energy coming from her stable of males. That may explain why your Mistress is so severe and dominant.
Again, the good news is that with each passing generation, more and more women are desiring to be dominant so the supply is beginning to meet the demand. Women are realizing that they are the superior gender and that men want and need to be dominated. Women are realizing that this lifestyle is absolutely wonderful and that any intelligent woman would be foolish not to take to charge of the female/male relationship and thus reap the many benefits that it affords.