Q&A Forum - December 2016 (The best of Elise)

Q. Is it ok to push just for pushing's sake? When my husband and I began to delve into this way of life, I found out many things about myself and about him. I soon came to realize that  what I thought were boundaries and limits for either or both of us, were not.

Each time we would take more steps toward his submission, my dominance, and our actions would change our life, and I would think that this was it, that we had reached a point where we'd gone 'far enough.' Only to find out later that I wasn't satisfied with what seemed like such a reach before. Then, I would  push matters further, bringing us to a new place. This repeats itself, Elise.

Now, I sit today and think. He is nothing like what he used to be. He is wonderful and I love him dearly. I am nothing like what I used to be. I have become open and strong and have accomplished so much. Everything is wonderful. But again, I'm not content. He practically worships me and yet I'm not content. Is this wrong? Should I just be satisfied at some point? Or does the fact that I want to push indicate there is more for us?

A. I think it is fantastic that you want to go deeper into this lifestyle with your husband. You should want more. You should always strive for more power and more control because that will bring growth to you as a dominant woman, which in turn will bring more growth to him as a submissive man. I have been at this for a long time and I am still learning and growing. There are so many levels to this lifestyle. I am amazed at those couples that think they have “peaked” and there is nothing else to explore. We all hit peaks and valleys. We all hit walls and we all need new breakthroughs to get to those new levels. We all get stagnate at times and we all need encouraged and motivated at times. But never stop growing and never be content. Keep pushing those limits and keep stretching those boundaries. Just make sure you are always rooted and grounded in reality and always make sure you are knowledgeable about health and safety risks. But never stop in your pursuit for new experiences and new levels.

The female domination lifestyle comprises many areas of a person’s being. There is obviously the physical and the sexual but there is also the emotional, the intellectual and the spiritual. A couple can bond on so many levels when the woman assumes the dominant role. Some couples are content to keep it at the sexual or the domestic or even the social, and all of these are tremendous. There are many levels to these areas and these areas can open the door for even more deeper expressions of the FemDom experience. How far you go is up to you based on your hunger for more. If you hunger, you need to keep going until that hunger is satisfied. Then you may be content for a time but you may develop another hunger to go even deeper. That is how people grow.

Our bodies need physical food to grow. We hunger, we eat and we grow (and in my case, I have to watch that I don’t grow too much). Then we are satisfied until we hunger again. Adults eat more than children because they have heartier appetites. The more the body grows, the more food that is needed to maintain the growth. Body builders need lots of protein to build muscle mass and once they reach their goal, it takes lots of protein to maintain that muscle mass, or else they will decline.

The same goes for this lifestyle. Think of D&S as protein. You want to get bigger and stronger as a dominant woman (I am talking about sexual, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength, not physical strength) and right now you have a hearty appetite. You want more submission from your man because your dominant nature feeds off of his submission. His submission is your food and your dominance is his food and the D&S is what brings the transfer.

If you hunger for more, keep striving for more. There will be times when you are content and you can live off of your previous growth until you hunger for more. But when you want more, that is your dominant nature telling you that she wants to come out. She may be out in parts but there is still more of her that wants to come forth. Good luck and keep reaching for more.

Q. Ms Sutton, I would like to discuss a taboo topic. I am a submissive black male who desires to be dominated by white females. This for some may seem to be a forbidden topic but I find the thought of being a slave to a white woman to be exciting and extremely fulfilling. What are your thoughts?

A. Your fantasy could be a physical desire or it could have deeper psychological implications. It might simply be a result of you being physically attracted to white women. Perhaps you find white women to project a certain blend of dominance that connects to your particular submissive nature. It is a common occurrence for a man of one race to desire to be dominated by a woman of another race. I receive lots of e-mail from white males who desire to be dominated by African American women. I also know white and black men who like to be dominated by Asian women. The extra racial dimension could add a little extra stimulation to the male psyche. The reasons for this are as vast as the sands on the beach. Again, it could be as simple as a physical attraction. A man might simply find Asian women to be more beautiful and thus it is his sexual attraction that stirs his submissive desires. You may find white women to be more beautiful than other women as that is just your preference, the same way one man might find a blonde to be more appealing than a brunette.

It all could go back to an experience in your life. A man who finds the physical appearance of brunettes to portray a more dominant image to him than blondes might be because of an experience he had in his life with a brunette. I know one man who visited a number of Pro Doms but could never seem to experience a connection with any of them. None of his sessions were satisfying or fulfilling. In fact, he could never manage an erection in the presence of any of these women. But he finally visited a Pro Dom with whom there was immediate chemistry. He became erect at her first touch and he had a wonderful session that was very fulfilling to his submissive nature. What was the difference? She was the first brown eye brunette he visited and he found browned eye brunettes to be dominant. This was all in his head and he wasn’t aware of this until after this session.

Why did he find brown eye brunettes to be dominant? His mother was a brunette with big brown eyes. In fact, as we discussed this, it dawned on him that this woman looked a lot like his mother when she was in her thirties. Psychologically, he equated his mother with being a dominant woman but he didn’t know that until he met this woman who reminded him of his mother. The Pro Dom with black hair and brown eyes represented loving female authority to him. That was his circumstance based on his unique nature. Like I said, there are so many variables that can cause a man to view certain women as being more dominant simply by their outward appearance.

Of course, all of this is superficial. I believe that it is ultimately a woman’s dominant attitude that will touch the core of a man’s submissive nature but men are visually oriented so often it is the outer characteristics of a woman that initially stir a man’s submissive nature. That is why fetish outfits are an important aspect of the female domination lifestyle, especially in the early stages. Men are visually oriented and just as a man might be drawn to a woman wearing leather, another man might be drawn to a woman simply because she is a brunette with brown eyes, and another man might be drawn to a woman simply because she is Asian or African American or Caucasian. Each man is unique with a unique nature and that is why beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

That is the explanation for a physical attraction to a dominant woman. Of course there can also be deeper psychological reasons. In your case, there could be a historic or ancestral reason for your fantasy.

In Nick Broomfield's documentary "Fetishes" (reviewed by Ms Kathleen in the March 2005 edition of Predominant), one of the clients of Pandora’s  Box in New York City was an African American male who wanted one of the white women to dress up as a Southern plantation owner and treat him as her slave. According to this documentary, this was a rather common role-playing fantasy of African American men. Likewise, a Jewish man requested for a woman to dress as a Nazi Gestapo agent and interrogate him. There are some deep psychological reasons for these types of fantasies.

Some people find that they can better cope with an uncomfortable past if they confront demons through role-playing. To these men, the horrors and injustice of the past has found its way into their sexuality. The white Female Plantation owner and the Female Nazi represent power and authority to the African-American male and the Jewish male respectively. And if the man is a masochist, these women may represent female sadism to them, and that thought arouses them.

Whatever the reason, this is who you are and what you desire sexually (at least on the surface). Regardless of a woman’s appearance and outward characteristics, it will ultimately be a woman’s attitude and inner nature that will touch your submissive nature at its core. If you can find a woman who has both the outward and the inward, even the better as the outward will no doubt open you up more for deeper submissive exploration of the inner. But don’t limit yourself simply based on the outer. Like I said, the outer is all surface and while exciting in the beginning it will not be sustained once familiarity sets in. The internal is what is eternal. Therefore, seek out a woman with a dominant attitude, regardless of her outward characteristics. Your fantasy woman might be a Caucasian but your reality woman might be totally different. Take care.

Q. Hi Elise. I'm a submissive male. I have just recently been able to accept the fact that I am submissive to females. I have denied the feelings I know I've had since I was a child. I fantasize about being dominated by women. How do I turn my idle fantasies into reality? I want to realize my dreams. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

A. First of all you need to separate the fantasy from the reality. I devoted the final chapter of “Female Domination” to the importance of staying rooted in reality (and I further built upon this in "The FemDom Experience").

There is nothing wrong with fantasy as long as it doesn’t rob you of a potentially satisfying relationship in reality. Your fantasies are the results of your inner nature and inner desires. But you must never lose sight that the mind can go places that the body cannot go. In your fantasies, all D&S activities are safe and possible because they only exist in your mind. But in reality, not all D&S activities are safe and possible because of the effects on the body. In addition, a fantasy has a tendency to be totally self-centered as you are completely focused on what stimulates your submissive nature and your sexuality. Whereas the reality of FemDom is that your focus must be on the woman in order to stimulate her in order for the D&S to be equally fulfilling. You have to stimulate a woman’s dominance if you want her dominance to feed on your submission.

So the best way to go from fantasy to reality is to change your focus from yourself (fantasy) to the woman (reality). Be mindful of the woman’s needs and begin your journey into reality by focusing on her domestic and social needs and take her lead when she wants you to focus on her emotional and sexual needs. Seduce the woman’s dominant nature through reality based servitude. If you will do the dishes and develop a “Yes, Dear!” mentality on the domestic front, you may one day find yourself tied to the bed beholding your Goddess wearing a sexy leather outfit. It is at that point that reality and fantasy can co-exist but it takes changing your fantasy to coincide with reality.

Q. Hi Elise, hope I'm not intruding but I'm completely out of my depth! I've done a lot of research on the subject of 'fem-dom' and came across your Site by accident. The subject at hand is something which has been described as 'orgasm denial'. This is something that has interested me since puberty.

I'm a little worried as I think that I may be perverted because of this. Is there something wrong with me? How would I let any future partners know of my fetish without them freaking out on me? And could this ever be a loving part of a sexual relationship? If so how could I bring the subject to hand with any future partners? 

A. I am glad you asked this question because although orgasm denial is a powerful and important tool used by many dominant women in the training of their submissive males, it needs to be pointed out that the practice of male orgasm denial is still primarily driven by the males. In the introduction of my book, “Female Domination”, I noted that it wasn’t feminists or aggressive women that coined the phrase Female Domination but rather men who were categorizing their sexual desires. The same can be said of the practice of orgasm denial.

Probably the biggest area of concern about this lifestyle (as it relates to specific D&S practices) that I hear from males who frequent my site is about the practice of orgasm denial. Some men are fearful that a woman is going to slap them into a chastity device and they are going to be regulated to a life as a eunuch. Men will write and say how they desire to be the slave of a woman and they want to introduce this lifestyle to their wife but they are hesitant because what if she reads my site and decides that she wants to put her man in a chastity device?

There is a misconception that orgasm denial originated from women wanting to emasculate males. No, the practice of orgasm denial (as it is relates to the modern day practice of FemDom) originated from men who have the sexual and submissive desire to be placed in chastity by a dominant woman. As you correctly point out, there are entire websites devoted to this male fantasy and these sites are primarily created by and created for submissive males.  There are a lot of men who want to have their sex life regulated and controlled by a woman. It excites a lot of men to think about being denied for long periods of time while still being required to sexually satisfy the female on a frequent basis. The practice of orgasm denial is another expression of the male desire and need for loving female authority. 

Most male chastity devices are designed by men and created for men. A woman’s first exposure to the practice of orgasm denial and male chastity devices is usually from a man. Men might be clever and say that they need this because they can’t control their habitual masturbation habits and thus they hope their wife will agree to lock them up or a man will show a woman a site like mine hoping that she will be intrigued by the practice of orgasm denial, but it is still being initiated by the man (in most cases).

However, what has happened is that women are enjoying the practice of male orgasm denial. Women have seen the benefits. Women have learned that a denied man is an obedient man. Thus, a lot of women have enthusiastically embraced the practice of orgasm denial and it is one of the more popular FemDom activities among couples. In fact, there are many cases when a man fantasies about orgasm denial and talks his wife into trying it, only to find out that he doesn’t enjoy it as much as she does. Personally, I think that is wonderful and another example of how a man needs to be careful what he wishes for. And yes, more and more women are sharing the practice of orgasm denial with other women and so men who never had the fantasy of orgasm denial are being approached by their wife about wearing a chastity device. Again, I think that is wonderful but men shouldn’t blame the women. Blame the men who introduced this practice to women. But deep down, I think most men love it, even the ones who were initially hesitant.

So to get back to your question, no you are not a pervert. There are a lot of men who share your fantasy and there are more and more women who will be receptive to your desire for long term orgasm denial. But I would caution you not to bring up too soon in a relationship. Build a relationship first, build that level of comfort and trust, allow the woman to grow in her dominance and than approach her with the idea. Once you feel she is comfortable enough with this lifestyle that you can show her my site or give her my book, than I am sure she will be open to the idea of orgasm denial. Heck, she might not even have to get to that point. I know women who do not practice any forms of D&S and have little interest in a FemDom relationship but they have placed their hubbies in a chastity device. You will find conservative, Christian women who go to church three times a week that are perfectly Ok with orgasm denial and chastity devices. Anything that helps her man refrain and live a disciplined life is perfectly acceptable in those circles.

Likewise, I know feminists and liberal women who are not interested in D&S but like the idea of keeping their man in a chastity device. So male orgasm denial seems to have a wide area of approval amongst women and it is not necessarily an exclusive FemDom practice. As technology advances and better and more practical chastity devices are invented, I suspect the practice of male orgasm denial will continue to grow in our society. And it will always be popular within the FemDom community. 

Q. Elise, I don’t understand why you only permit your husband one or two orgasms per month. If my husband is denied an orgasm for a prolonged period he becomes grumpy and bad tempered. My husband is obedient to me most of the time, whether he is denied or not. But he gets irritable if I deny him for a week, let alone two weeks. Should I continue with the denial process or should I allow him more leeway if his behavior proves he deserves it?

A. This is a great companion question to the one above. Never forget that orgasm denial can be a wide range from a couple of days to a couple of months between the man’s releases. Every couple that chooses to incorporate this practice needs to find that which works best for them. Just because I have embraced the twice a month regiment, that doesn’t mean all women must do likewise. Experiment and find what works for you and your husband. If your man shows that he will be obedient and eager to serve with more frequent releases, that is totally up to you. The main reason I allow my husband release twice a month is because he needed this from a biological perspective. Yes, there can come a point with some men that too long of a denial period can cause the opposite of the desired effect of the orgasm denial process. But be careful not to allow your man to manipulate you into too frequent release.

Men can be grumpy for other reasons and blame it on the orgasm denial process. They don’t call them “grumpy old men” because they are wearing chastity devices. As men age, they can get grumpy because they are not as accustomed to the aches and pains and bodily changes of aging, whereas women have had to deal with pain and bodily changes every month of their adult life. Plus, women have an overall better disposition. Men will disagree with me but if you talk to hormone specialists, they will tell you that the “men get grumpy when they don’t get enough sex” is an old wives tale (or should I say old husband’s tale). Men can get grumpy from stress and sex can be a stress reliever but so can other forms of D&S that don’t necessarily require an orgasm.

You have to find that proper balance and also remember that a man needs to be trained and brought to long-term denial in stages so his body can adjust. Once he gets accustomed to the chastity device and once he gets beyond the initial emotional and sexual adjustments, he should have little trouble going a week or two or longer between releases.

Q. I have a question regarding orgasm denial.  Me and my wife have decided to pursue a femdom lifestyle, which we both think is great, but she is still in the starting steps.  I never was submissive before, but I had a changing event that brought me to the realization that I was always meant for this.  Rather than delve too far into my past, my question concerns the present.

My wife and I have practiced complete orgasm denial for me for more than a year.  This started as an exploration of tantric sexuality, but ended with my complete submission to her.  I realize now that when I use to have orgasms, that after an orgasm, my energy was very low and I had almost no attention to her needs, sometimes for several days.  I love being able to go without orgasm and save that energy for my wife. It keeps me aroused, keeps me completely focused on her pleasure, and keeps me completely submissive.  As a result, I became both a better husband and a better lover.

I've already learned to do all the cooking, cleaning, and to service her anytime she desires with massages, oral sex, or anything else she might be in the mood for.  We spend a lot more time together now, and she likes getting flowers, love letters, and poems all the time.  I really can't stop myself - this has brought out a completely new and passionate romantic side of me.

We are completely happy with our current situation, but I don't ever want to regress back to the selfish and lackluster husband that I used to be.  I think that maintaining complete focus on my wife and her pleasure, inside and outside of the bedroom is an excellent thing, and that orgasm denial really helps me do that.

My wife is happy with my long term denial but I have a strong and deep desire to submit to her completely, and I think it would be in both of our interests if I surrendered myself to permanent orgasm denial.  Whenever this subject is broached during conversation, she does not want to discuss it, although I know it must be a fantasy of hers, because when mentioned during the heat of passion, she cums suddenly and intensely.

I truly have never experienced feelings of love so intense in my life, and my commitment to her grows every day.  We have never enjoyed better sex or intimacy before, and this feeling grows every day for both of us. Do you agree that permanent orgasm denial is appropriate in our situation, and if so, what can I do to reassure my wife that this is something I want to do and am ok with?  Despite communicating my feelings, I think she thinks that I don't really want that, and that I am making too large of a sacrifice; but to me, this is not a sacrifice at all, it is the ultimate expression of my love for her, and a gift for both of us to be blessed with. Thank you for your time and wisdom.

A. Orgasm denial must be the topic of the month. A couple of entries ago a gentleman asked if orgasm denial can be incorporated within a loving relationship. I think your story answers him better than anything I could have written. Not only can it be a part of a loving relationship, I think in most cases it will enhance the romance and strengthen the relationship because it will help a man to keep his focus on his Queen.

Permanent denial is an exciting fantasy but not so easy to implement in reality (see my comments on fantasy vs. reality above). My husband and I have discussed permanent denial and it does have a strong erotic element and a powerful FemDom aspect to it. The thought of a woman permanently denying her husband while she enjoys as much sexual pleasure as she wants does stir my libido and it also excites my husband. But where the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. Again, fantasy does not always easily translate into reality due to the limitations of the body and biological realities.

Having said that, I do know couples that claim they practice permanent denial (but not male castration which is an entirely different subject). I do know women who have installed permanent chastity devices on their husbands which make it impossible for them to obtain an erection and makes it next to impossible to obtain an orgasm. These devices are installed in conjunction with a piercing in the penis (either a frenum or a prince albert or both). Some of these women will use prostate milkings to take care of the biological needs of the male but they claim that the milkings are not orgasms thus it still qualifies as permanent denial.

So it can be done but we are talking the exception and not the rule. And the couples that have gone to this level in orgasm denial have done it in stages. It did not happen overnight. But if you have gone a year with little or no problems, than I would say you can probably go permanent if that is what your wife also wants. But is permanent really permanent? I am against male castration because people can change their minds. Just because the two of you make the decision to go permanent today, there still is always the chance she can change her mind at a later time.

Nevertheless, if you both find the mind games and the fantasy to be exciting, she should tell you that it is permanent while she leaves her future options open. That way for the immediate future it will have a powerful effect on your psyche and she can get the eroticism out of it, yet for the long-term she will still have the right to end your permanent denial. Again, the terminology of “permanent denial” can have different meanings for different couples. It is never a good idea to hold to a strict definition of the word “permanent” no matter what the activity. No one knows what the future holds so that is why it is always prudent to leave your options open.

Q. Dear Elise, First let me thank you for your website, book and publication. It's so nice to have a place where one can find intelligent, thoughtful discussion.   I'm 52 years old and have been aware of my dominant nature all my life.  I have recently run into a situation that I find confusing. 

Several months ago I began corresponding with a man 14 years my junior.  We spoke on the phone a number of times and I agreed to meet him.  He became anxious and backed out of the meeting and we were not in touch for several months.  He re-emerged and  asked for "another chance" and though I would typically not consider that, there was something very genuine about him so I agreed. 

We met briefly for lunch and conversation and things went quite well.  There was a definite chemistry and I was very pleased to see that he was exactly who he professed to be (such a lovely and genuine foot fetish)and that his need to submit was indeed very real.  We parted with the expectation that we would move forward with a relationship but by the next day he had reverted back to his previous level of fear and uncertainty.

In your experience, what causes a man who clearly has a great need to submit to allow fear to override such a strong desire?

A. People allow fear to rob them of many pleasures in life. This is not conclusive to the male gender. I had a close female friend who had a cruise scheduled but when the government raised the terror alert level, she canceled her cruise. I told her that the “terrorists” won if they can force people to alter their lives on just a vague, non-specific threat. People don’t go to Doctors out of fear of being diagnosed with something bad. Because of fear, parents smother their children to the point of negatively impacting a child’s social development.

We all have our fears and bad things do happen to good people. But the mediation of fear is known as worrying and worrying has negative effects on our minds and our bodies. The opposite of fear is faith and faith has a positive effect on our minds and our bodies. Faith in God, faith in your spouse, faith in your neighbor, faith in the airplane pilot who is flying you across the country, faith in the overall goodness of people is what gets all of us out of bed each day. Otherwise we would be consumed in our fears.

Some people are more fearful that others (pessimists compared to optimists). People have unique phobias and hang-ups, some people are adventuresome and risk takers whereas other people are cautious and are more comfortable playing it safe. So I wouldn’t group all submissive men in the same category as this particular man. Some men I have encountered are too much of a risk taker and they need to be a little more cautious. The man who tells his new girlfriend that he wants to be her slave is definitely a risk taker but he isn’t very wise. In contrast, the man who lives his entire adult life with the desire for female domination but never attempts to introduce the lifestyle to his female companion due to fear ends up cheating himself out of a potential wonderful FemDom relationship with many wonderful romantic and exciting experiences. It is Ok to be cautious but being overly cautious is to allow fear to rob you of the joys of life itself.

That is what is happening with the gentleman you are communicating with. He wants this lifestyle and he needs this lifestyle but he is fearful to follow through. Perhaps he is afraid to make a commitment to a relationship. Some men have a fear of commitment. Perhaps he has a fear of giving up control to a woman. The bottom line is that it is his loss. He is allowing fear to rob him of the romance and love that comes from loving female authority.

My advice to you is to keep looking. There are many men out there that would love to find a woman who also desires the female domination lifestyle. My only word of caution (the healthy kind of caution) is that you also focus on the friendship and the social aspects of the relationship. Meeting a man with the entire focus being on D&S can add pressure to any fears that may exist. I would suggest that a new couple first go out on a conventional date with the understanding that no sex or D&S will occur. That will remove some of the stress and both parties can relax and get to know each other socially prior to getting involved in FemDom. It is Ok to openly discuss D&S, FemDom and Female Supremacy but keep it in the discussion stage and remove it from the application stage in the early phase of a new relationship. Make it clear that the D&S will happen only after you are sure that the two of you are socially compatible.

The only exception to this would be in those relationships where the woman is not looking for a personal relationship with a man but is only interested in taking on a submissive for domestic services and/or other services. In those cases, it is perfectly Ok to keep the focus primarily on the D&S aspects. But I don’t think that describes your situation. You are seeking a lifestyle FemDom relationship and since you are the female, you have the luxury to be choosy and patient. Do not settle for less than what you deserve. Take care.

Q. Dear Ms. Sutton, please forgive me for bothering You.  I am sure that You get inundated with email, but I couldn't help but respond to a Wife's letter shown on Your site.  She had remarked that She wished to use a long bullwhip on Her husband. 

Ms. Sutton, I am a male nearing 50 years old, presently residing in the U.S.  I am a severe whipping masochist with a penchant for authentic bullwhipping.  I have frequented Female Dommes, pro and non-pro alike, over the years to wet my insatiable appetite for this treatment, but have longed for most of my life to locate and serve a Female sadist with reciprocal tastes for a whipping slave as myself.  Do You think that it is even remotely possible that I will ever be able to find such a Woman in my life?  Is there any advice that You might offer me in doing so?

A. Your best bet is to look amongst Pro Doms who have this skill. The bullwhip requires practice and not many women are experienced or skilled in the use of a bullwhip. Finding a lifestyle dominant woman is enough of a challenge without limiting your search to a woman who knows how to use a bullwhip. You would be better off visiting Pro Doms who have this skill and perhaps one of them might know of a woman who is looking for a lifestyle relationship with a masochistic male who enjoys the bullwhip. Since it takes skill, a woman who is skilled is also a prime candidate to do demonstrations at BDSM events. Thus, she meets other women who have the same interest.

Networking yourself is the key to finding others with similar interests. I would not recommend placing personal ads on the Internet because what you are interested in requires someone who knows what she is doing. I don’t think you want to trust a compete stranger that answered your ad to string you up and use a bullwhip on you. That is why I would suggest seeing a reputable Pro Dom who has the reputation of knowing what she is doing with this particular skill. Then network yourself from there by asking her if she knows of any events where there will be demonstrations for other women who are interested in learning this D&S skill.

Your other course of action would be to shelve the bullwhip desire for now and to seek to build a FemDom relationship with a woman you love. Then the two of you can grow together and perhaps as she gets to know you and your nature, she may agree to learn how to use a bullwhip so she can explore this part of your nature. Of course this will take patience on your part and you must realize that there is no guarantee that she would ever agree to this. But perhaps you would find another D&S activity that would fulfill the same need within you but is one your female partner is comfortable with.

However, if you need immediate fulfillment of your desire, and if you are seeking a woman who is already experienced, than a skilled Pro Dom is your most viable option. Best wishes and please play safe.  

Q. Ms Sutton, I want to know why, as a Christian, you support this lifestyle when it leads into other things that are un-Christian.  For example, most FemDom women are into goddess worship, wiccan religion, bisexuality, and cuckolding. One may only conclude that it is a degenerate lifestyle and goddess worship will become ever the more popular and you will have had a hand in it.  

A. You know, I am amazed at the way people like to stereotype dominant women. If women are quiet, obedient and subservient to men, all is well with the world. But if women are out-going, aggressive and dominant, than they are labeled as “radical feminists” or “witches” or “man hating lesbians” or “anti-Christian”. 

Let’s be honest here. You cannot stereotype a dominant woman who chooses to practice the female domination lifestyle no more than you can stereotype any other person of a particular race, nationality, religion or lifestyle. People have free-wills and those that are blessed to live in a free society, exercise that free-will to choose the lifestyle which appeals to them. People have been persecuted and people have fought and died so that others can live freely to pursue the religion and the lifestyle of their choice. That is the essence of freedom.

Think of the Internet as one giant, worldwide phone book with millions of listings of religions, political groups, social groups, hobbies and lifestyles. I am not like the Jehovah Witness that knocks on your door on a Saturday afternoon inviting you into my congregation. I do not randomly e-mail people inviting them to visit my site. No, people who are interested in this lifestyle seek out female domination sites and those that happen upon mine will make the judgment (of their own free will) if what I discuss appeals to them or not. If it does, they will congregate there from time to time, be it a casual hobby or a serious commitment to a lifestyle that interests them. If they don’t agree with my brand of FemDom, they will choose to look elsewhere. It’s that simple.

Just as there are many flavors of Christianity (Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, etc) likewise there are many flavors of Female Domination. Yes, there are people who are totally committed to Goddess worship and they combine their spirituality with their female domination lifestyle but it has been my experience that the vast majority of people who practice female domination are more interested in the sexual, domestic, social and psychological aspects of FemDom.

Although my site discusses some spiritual aspects of FemDom and I routinely give my opinion on why I feel FemDom is compatible with Christianity, my site deals mostly with the practical applications of FemDom within loving relationships. My site is here for people of all religions and all faiths. I know women who are into Wicca that find my site very informative and I know women who are devout Christians who find my site informative. There are no stereotypes.

So just chill out and don’t worry that the Apocalypse is upon us just because you don’t agree with what you have read on my website. Be thankful that you live in a free society where you can worship in the religion of your choice but also realize that others are just as free to live the lifestyle of their choice. You may not agree with how they choose to exercise their freedom but you should heed the words of Christ and worry more about the log in your own eye (why were you on my site to begin with?) before you try to remove a splinter from your neighbor’s eye. Judge not lest you be judged.

You may not agree with how people choose to practice the FemDom lifestyle and you certainly don’t have to include any practices in your own marriage that you find objectionable. But this I can promise you. If a man will treat his wife like a Queen and put her needs ahead of his own, he will have a great marriage. Take care. 

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