Q&A Forum - May 2009 (best of Elise)
Q. Hi Elise. I really appreciate all the work you do on behalf of feminism and women. However, when it comes to female domination and dominance and submission I can’t help but think that the women are engaged in the exploitation of their husbands and boyfriends in order to get what they want. It seems like the women who use D/s in the bedroom are engaged in the ill-treatment of the men in their lives.
A. Exploitation is ‘the utilization of another person for selfish purposes’. Ill-treatment is ‘to treat someone unkindly.’ So in order for your question to be valid, you would have to discern another person’s heart and judge the intent of their heart.
Loving Female Authority (LFA) has nothing to do with exploitation or treating someone unkindly and the outward FemDom activities have nothing to do with exploitation or treating someone unkindly unless the person’s heart is full of malice. But cannot a person’s heart be full of malice within a vanilla or traditional relationship? And if that is the case, can we not conclude that the lifestyle or the bedroom practices have nothing to do with whether a person is exploiting someone or treating someone unkindly? It all comes back to what is in the heart.
A woman can exploit a man within a vanilla relationship. How about the woman who marries a man because of his career or his financial status? Is that not ‘the utilization of another person for selfish purposes’? Or what about the woman who uses sex (withholding it or giving it) to manipulate her husband in order to get her way? It happens all the time in so-called vanilla relationships.
And what is “unkindly”? If a man craves discipline and desires corporal punishment but his wife refuses to meet his emotional need in this area, is she not acting unkindly and is she not being selfish? And on the flip side, if a woman, within a so-called vanilla relationship, nags her husband constantly is she not being unkind?
Which is better, a woman nagging her husband to do chores around the house, arguing with him and manipulating him, or the woman who incorporates FemDom practices which will motivate her husband to perform those very same tasks? The former is full of turmoil and conflict but the latter is a win/win situation that promotes harmony. So which is exploitation? Which is ill-treatment?
Naturally, a woman can incorporate FemDom practices and have malice in her heart. And naturally, a vanilla relationship can be based on love and devotion. But the reverse can also be true. A person can have wrongful motivation no matter what the lifestyle.
Again, it all comes back to what is in a person’s heart. Therefore, do not judge by the outer manifestations unless you know the inner motivation. Loving Female Authority may incorporate some lifestyle choices and bedroom practices that look harsh and cruel on the surface but may be a loving, mutually satisfying and very fulfilling lifestyle for the couples involved. All one has to do is interview the couples who practice female domination in the bedroom and I think they will come to the realization that it is not exploitation but rather the opposite. More times than not, these couples have very loving and romantic relationships.
I hope this answers your question and will alleviate some of your misgivings about the FemDom lifestyle. Take care!
Q. Dear Ms Sutton, I am a subscriber to Predominant and I love the e-zine. It is well done and you and your associates deserve praise for creating such a quality electronic magazine.
I feel that if my wife would ever embrace the FemDom lifestyle (I’ve tried to introduce her to the lifestyle with little to mixed success) she would enjoy Predominant. The one area I am not so sure about is your procedures. I know a husband is not to read them but since my wife has yet to incorporate female domination into the bedroom, I cannot control myself so I read the procedures that appear in each issue of Predominant.
They are so well done and so erotic that I envy the couples that practice them. However, I must be honest and say that I can’t see my conservative wife ever doing some of these types of things to me. Not right off the bat anyways.
That brings me to my question. I think your concept of these procedures is a godsend for wives who just don’t know how to construct D&S scenes/games in the bedroom. Each procedure is loaded with great ideas. I was wondering if you had any procedures for a complete beginner, a woman like my wife who is a little too unsure of herself to even try the procedures that are in Predominant. My wife is not a prude when it comes to sex but I think she may need some sort of bridge to take her from a complete novice to a place where she would be comfortable reading Predominant and trying your procedures.
A. Would your wife be open to the concept of adding spice and romance to the bedroom? If you took the approach that you desire some D&S in the bedroom for the purpose of increasing intimacy and romance in your marriage, I am sure your wife would be willing to pursue it as long as you didn’t overwhelm her with the so-called fetish and kinky aspects. A conservative woman who was raised in a conservative home might have difficulty understanding the benefits of the FemDom lifestyle to the woman. She may have preconceived ideas about what a “normal sex life” is meant to be within a marriage. Therefore, anything outside of her preconceived ideas may come across to her as being bizarre or unnatural. That is not her fault, but rather a byproduct of her upbringing.
The good news for you is that a lot of women who now practice female domination were once just like your wife. Many conservative women who thought all D&S was bizarre have since embraced D&S in the bedroom because their dominant natures were seduced and brought forth by the genuine submission of the men in their lives. Once a woman can get past the stumbling block that all D&S is strange or perverted, and once she begins to experiment with her dominant nature, she will realize how much she loves the dominant role and she will come to understand the many benefits of the FemDom lifestyle. The truth is that FemDom is a very romantic lifestyle.
There is a book out there called “How to be a Dominant Diva” by Georgia Payne and Julie Taylor. Georgia is a practicing Dominatrix and Julie has written a number of articles about sex and relationships in magazines such as ‘Cosmopolitan’ and ‘Glamour’. Together they created a book that is for the complete novice female. It contains many ideas for sex games and role-playing for the loving couple, the majority of these games are geared toward the woman being dominant and the man submissive.
For those who have utilized my procedures, they may find the ideas in this book to be very mild. Yet, if a woman is a complete novice and hesitant about female domination, this book will give her many ideas on how to spice up her love life with the man she loves. The book also has some very good fundamentals when it comes to such things as how to spank a man and how to safely place him in bondage.
“How to be a Dominant Diva” would be a great gift to the novice female. My advice, however, is not to push the envelope too far. Give her the book and allow her to read it at her own leisure. Do not give her a whip or a leather outfit along with the book, less you scare her away.
Another great book which I have promoted before on my site is “Venus on Top: Women Who Are Born to Lead and the Men Who Love Them” by Barbara Wright Abernathy. This book edifies and encourages the driven, career oriented woman by revealing to her that marriage, love and romance are possible in her life if she can overcome traditional societal expectations by embracing her inner female power. Barbara Wright Abernathy intelligently and correctly reveals that the aggressive, dominant woman is at the head of the curve of a growing societal trend where women are in charge and men are their helpmates. While Barbara’s book is not about the FemDom lifestyle per se, her book does include a chapter entitled “Men and Sex” where she encourages the woman to be open-minded about exploring female domination in the bedroom with her male partner.
“How to be a Dominant Diva” is all about sex and what goes on in the bedroom, whereas “Venus on Top” is more about the overall relationship where the woman is in charge and the man is her helpmate. Both books are available on Amazon.com and both books would make a great gift to the novice dominant female.
If your wife responds favorably to “How to be a Dominant Diva” and if she incorporates some of the games and D&S sessions mentioned in this book, then you can build upon that and share with her Predominant and my procedures. Once that door is open, and once a woman overcomes her initial reservations and inhibitions, there is no telling how deep into this lifestyle a woman may desire to venture. I’ve known a lot of women who were very hesitant and yes, prudish when it came to sex, but after they began to read my site and utilize my procedures, they took their husbands deeper into this lifestyle than their husbands ever dreamed was possible.
Having said all that, you still need to do your part outside the bedroom. Buying your wife a book will never replace the importance of you showing her the benefits of the FemDom lifestyle through serving her outside the bedroom. A book and a website can be great educational tools and can help to pique a woman’s interest in this lifestyle, however nothing is more valuable than a man showing a woman what FemDom is all about. Games in the bedroom are important because sex builds intimacy and intimacy keeps a marriage strong. However, man does not live by bread alone and a woman needs to experience a man’s submission both inside and outside the bedroom. Best wishes.
Q. Based on your recommendation in both your e-zine and your latest book, I joined the membership site of a certain high profile Dominatrix. Her photos and video clips were well-worth the cost. Rarely have I come across a woman who is that beautiful and that sadistic at the same time.
What I found to be ironic is that she cruelly whips and canes her male subjects and she tortures them (ball busting, face slapping, C/B torture) yet on her opening page, if a person chooses to exit without entering her site, she redirects them to Amnesty International, a human rights organization that opposes all forms of corporal punishment. Amnesty opposed the Philippines use of the cane to mete out punishment and they are trying to get them to stop this out-dated and cruel punishment.
Don’t you see dichotomy of a sadistic woman recommending an organization like Amnesty International? You might want to point this out to her because I am sure Amnesty would not appreciate it.
A. For crying out loud, I swear some people can find fault in the sun coming up in the morning. I don’t mean to belittle your question but I receive too many ‘fault finding’ questions that have little intellectual merit. Could you not just enjoy this young woman’s website and appreciate it for what it is?
I believe the warning gives the casual web surfer a chance to leave the site prior to witnessing something they may find offensive. Seeing that you actually joined the site tells me that you approve of the site’s content and chose of your own freewill to view a so-called sadistic woman having her way with the male gender. So what is the problem?
If you sincerely want to intellectually examine this, I am sure you understand the difference between a government forcing a person against their will to receive the cane and a person who willing requests to receive the cane as a means of experiencing discipline at the hands of a female. So what do you think; that the government sentences these men to this woman’s home so she can cane them? If they did that the crime rate would explode because men would line up, begging to be sentenced.
There is no dichotomy between a man who willingly (and more than likely paying for the privilege) to be caned by a skilled, intelligent, beautiful woman and a man who is forced against his will to be caned by a government. I see no problem at all for a Dominatrix, even a so-called sadistic Dominatrix, to promote human rights around the world. In fact, I am willing to bet that the skilled Dominatrix understands the abuse of human rights better than most people because she understands the psychology of discipline, punishment and humiliation. She understands what is healthy and healing and what is abusive and a violation of basic human rights.
You chose to join her site and her site was as advertised. I am sure you were not disappointed but always remember that the woman in the pictures and in those video clips has many sides to her personality. Just because a woman is a Dominatrix and just because she ‘loves her job’, that does not mean she is not a very caring and loving person. After all, she is a woman and thus multifaceted and complex.
Some of the most sadistic women I have known (sadistic as in being very harsh during D&S sessions with men) were also some of the kindest and compassionate women when it came to caring for innocent animals and children. One woman I knew gave 20% of all the proceeds from her sessions to the Animal Welfare Society. So never judge a book by its cover and never confuse compassion with what does on during a D&S session.
Q. Elise, what would be your recommendation for a woman who has lost most of her passion for the femdom lifestyle? My husband and I have been living a femdom marriage for five years and it has been great. I love what this way of life has done for our marriage.
We were on the brink of divorce prior to him sharing this lifestyle with me. I was nervous at first but the B&D and S&M in the bedroom really added zest to our sex life. It was all so new and fresh and exciting. However, over time we have both lost some interest, mostly me. Now when I decide to have a discipline session with my husband, I have to really motivate myself and it feels more like work than sex.
I think some of this has to do with my body image. I have put on some weight over the last two or three years and none of my sexy leather outfits fit me any more. I should buy some new outfits but I keep telling myself that I am going to lose the weight and I will be able to fit back into my leather pants and my leather corset and my leather one piece catsuit.
We did your procedures about four years ago and they were great. I try to read your site each month and I just read your new book and I feel that old stirring within but I am having trouble motivating myself. We need this as my husband has slipped and he is not as obedient as he was when we were at the pinnacle of our femdom marriage. Any suggestions?
A. The key to all of this is for you to have fun, enjoy life, and enjoy being a woman. View the D&S as an extension of your sex life and not merely a necessary task to train your husband. Sex is for the woman’s pleasure and your husband wants to please you. He wants to submit to you.
It will not always be smooth because he has insecurities and you have insecurities and D&S can force some of those hidden emotional issues to surface. But the good news is that once they surface, the D&S can also cause healing as long as all discipline is balanced with love and nurturing. It really is a beautiful lifestyle that can produce harmony.
Even if your initial motivation is to do this for your husband (nothing wrong with that) it never fails that the woman will usually later say that she enjoys it more than her husband because of the better sex life, the more intense orgasms, the more obedient husband, and the social freedom that few married women can enjoy.
It may be easier said than done, but try not to view your discipline sessions with your husband as “work” else your dominant and sexual energy will not flow from you. Plus your husband will sense when you are going through the motions, thus his submissive energy will not respond to you, making the session unfulfilling for the both of you.
You’ve been around this lifestyle long enough to know the many benefits to the woman. Just look at your marriage. The reason you and your husband have such a good relationship is because of all the “work” you put into dominating him back when you started to dominate him and back when you did my procedures.
You are a dominant woman and you have dominant energy that when you release it via D&S sessions in the bedroom, you and your husband will both experience many wonderful and intimate FemDom experiences. Remember, you need this as much as he does. Don’t view this lifestyle as purely something he needs. His submission is what will satisfy you as a woman; sexually, emotionally and spiritually. If you will embrace your dominance and go with the flow of your dominant energy, and if you will feed off of his submissive energy, the passion will be reignited.
Passion cannot be produced through willpower alone. There are those psychological and emotional triggers that will generate passion. For example, your husband may have a certain fetish that will ignite his passion, which in turn may ignite your passion once your dominant energy senses his submissive energy. I use the word “energy” but energy is another way to say “passion”. Your passion will feed off of his passion, and vice versa.
Therefore, think back to what D&S activities would fuel his passion. Was it your leather outfits? Maybe you can’t fit into your leather pants but I bet you can still wear those sexy leather boots (if you have a pair). Maybe you need to invest in a pair. Or maybe it was not the outfit but a certain activity that ignited passion between the two of you.
If you both enjoyed my procedures (which are available in each issue of Predominant) perhaps you can go back and do them again. Four years was a long enough time ago that they will be fresh and exciting again. If nothing else, I am sure they will bring back memories of which D&S activities ignited that passion.
Another way to reignite passion is to take a vacation together. Get away, just the two of you and fall back in love with each other. Take a vacation that is not full of activities and sight-seeing. Take a vacation where the two of you will have lots of time to be alone in your hotel room where you can play. Get a room with a big tub so he can give you a candle lit bubble bath. Bring some of your D&S toys with you, like your strap-on and maybe a whip or a paddle. It could be that a change of scenery and the removal of the stress of life can reignite that passion.
If a vacation is not feasible right now, do something romantic at home. You can do the bubble bath at home. Another idea, since you enjoyed my book, underline the stories and the passages that you find to be arousing and have him do the same (using a different color highlighter) and the next time you discipline him, read those passages to him while he is bound. Read those passages in-between each loving blow from your whip or paddle. (This idea was mentioned in my first book when a couple, Crystal and John, shared how they did this with the book “Venus in Furs”).
There are many ways you can reignite the passion. And once that passion is reignited, build upon it by giving your D&S sessions a high priority in your life.
Finally, if you are struggling with your body image, do something about it. I know it is not easy but there are so many programs available. Don’t be embarrassed because most people struggle with weight and body image. The American diet makes it difficult for people to keep the weight off. So join a gym or join a group such as Weight Watchers and set reasonable goal. Don’t worry about losing 20 or 30 pounds. Start out with 5. Set out to lose 5 pounds and when you achieve that goal, set another goal. Before long, you may find yourself back inside those leather pants and that leather catsuit. And once you lose those first 5 pounds, your husband better watch out because your dominant energy will definitely enjoy a boost from how you feel about yourself. Again, set small goals and you will achieve them and that will make you feel good about yourself.
Regardless, your husband loves you and he will submit to you because of who you are on the inside. Your dominant nature is within just as his submissive nature is within. The passion will come when you both give this lifestyle a high priority and when you view D&S as romantic and not as work. I do wish you both the best.
Q. Elise, I have some practical cleanliness questions. What needs to be cleaned, when, and how?
I play with multiple male partners and believe in cleanliness and hygiene, I, of course, wash dildos with antibacterial soap. But, tell me about cleaning blindfolds, hoods, small floggers used on male genitals (and anuses), large floggers for the back, tawses, paddles, leather restraints, My Horse, and –most new – The Humbler.
I believe in starting clean, but what is the proper way to care for tools? Mostly, for example, I use a rough towel with The Horse and change it and don’t worry about The Horse itself. That’s not possible with The Humbler’s wood. Is it safe to use it, man to man to man?
I would appreciate an overview of cleanliness of tools, the ones I have and the ones, possibly, I’ve not yet acquired. Cleaning leather, for example, hoods, masks…. not to mention floggers, etc. I only play with clean men but how do I keep equipment clean?
A. My, it sounds like you've been having a lot of fun and a great time with the lucky men in your life.
Bleach is always a recommended cleaner for BDSM toys (one part bleach, nine parts water). And always use a condom on your dildos and clean with antibacterial soap. If you are playing with multiple men, have a separate dildo for each male and always use a condom with insertion toys (remove the condom when done and most of the mess goes with it). Later, wash the toy in hot, soapy water (use antibacterial soap), wipe it with an alcohol wipe, or soak it in water mixed with bleach for at least 20 minutes. Remember to wear exam gloves while washing. Rinse well under running water and let air dry.
Here are some other cleaning tips:
Wash glass toys with soap and water. Pyrex toys are dishwasher safe. Do not expose glass to extreme temperatures.
For Stainless Steel, you have 3 options: Boil or soak in a bleach-water solution (50:50 ratio) for 10 minutes, or place it in the dishwasher. If attached to an electrical device, use warm soapy water, being careful not to submerge any electrical components.
For Hard Plastic, clean with anti-bacterial soap and water. Do not boil.
For Silicone toys you have 3 options, boil for 5-10 minutes, put it in your dishwasher (on top rack), or wash with anti-bacterial soap and warm water. Do not boil silicone vibrators because you will destroy the vibrator mechanism.
As far as cleaning porous materials like rubber, vinyl, cyberskin, nylon, and leather goes;
For rubber materials, since their composition is not always known or may contain phthalates, chemicals which have been shown to be harmful to your health, it is recommended to use condoms with these types of toys.
For cyberskin (which is often used for dildos) and vinyl, wash with warm water only. Air dry and powder a small amount with cornstarch to keep them from getting sticky.
Nylon harnesses and toys can be machine or hand washed with a mild anti-bacterial soap.
To clean Leather it is best to wipe leather products with a damp, soapy cloth or with leather cleaner. Do not soak leather. After cleaning, you may recondition your toy using a leather conditioner. Protect metal parts from tarnish by applying a coating of clear nail polish.
To clean Wood, use an antibacterial soap and hot water or a disinfectant toy cleaner available through most stores that sell sex toys. If you use a wooden paddle or a cane and engage in severe sessions that were to draw blood, scrub with a brush (a hard toothbrush would work) to make sure the cleaner gets into nooks and crannies, let it sit for a few minutes, rinse and let dry.
I found most of this information on the Internet so always do some research when you get a new toy. Some toys come with cleaning instructions but those that don’t you may have to do your own research. Best wishes!
Q. Dear Ms Sutton, I am a young, 21, year old male, and I am ready to start looking for a life partner. However I am desperate to avoid divorce. I have submissive desires and I probably believe in female supremacy.
I have the suspicion that if I find a femdom relationship I can essentially guarantee I will not get divorced. My reasoning being if I am not up to scratch she will correct me and the sub benefits I have read about should suffice.
Would you be willing to give your opinion as to whether femdom relationships are less inclined to experience divorce as I suspect?
A. There are no statistics available on the divorce rate amongst those that practice the FemDom lifestyle. However, we do know what constitutes a success marriage; love, trust, communication and friendship. Those are the bedrocks that will sustain a relationship through good times and bad times.
Love is much more than an emotion. Love is a decision. We fall in love and the romance is wonderful but over time in order for love to remain strong it must be practiced. And that requires ‘choice’. No relationship will be all romance, all the time. The cares of the world and the realities of life will eventually creep into a relationship and challenge love. And it is during these challenges that a couple must choose to love. It’s easy to love when the emotion of love is strong. It is not so easy to love when the other person’s faults are magnified.
Studies have shown that the number one cause for divorce is finances. Couples fight more over financial decisions and financial control than any other area. Fights lead to hurt feelings, hurt feelings lead to resentment and resentment leads to the decision not to love any longer.
Another big reason for divorce is neglect. A couple starts out in love, wanting to spend every minute of every day together. Over time, they go their separate ways as they pursue their own interests. Children cause couples to separate emotionally as the children become the center of attention at the neglect of the marriage.
How does FemDom come into play? The advantage of FemDom is two fold. First, female domination keeps sex fresh and exciting, which keeps romance alive. Sex is critical in a marriage because sex builds intimacy. It is difficult to have intimacy without sex. Yet a lot of couples have less and less sex the longer they are married. With FemDom, sex becomes a priority.
I receive e-mails from people now and again where they make the charge that my site is too much about the sexual elements of female supremacy and female domination and not enough about the social and political significance. And others take a puritan view that there is too much sex on the internet and my site is part of the moral decay of society.
Yes, there is too much sex as far as easy access for children (television, internet, video games, etc) but married couples should seek out sexual knowledge and sexual stimulation because sex is vital to the growth of a marriage. Where there is no sex, intimacy will decrease and when intimacy decreases, divorce is not that far off.
Female domination brings sex back to the forefront of a relationship and the increased sex life will assist that bond of intimacy. Now it needs to be pointed out that sex does not have to be intercourse. Sex can be the many various forms of female domination that we have explored on this site. And D&S makes sex more powerful because of the emotional and spiritual connection that takes place. With FemDom, sex goes way beyond the physical and the biological. D&S is a sexuality of the minds which encompasses both the physical and the spiritual. And the end result is a deeper intimacy and a renewal of romance.
The second advantage of a FemDom marriage is the power of agreement. In a marriage where the husband defers to his wife, there will be less arguments and more harmony. It is in the so-called 50/50 marriages that strife abounds because you have two decision makers thus every decision has to be debated and discussed, and this inevitably leads to arguments.
The bottom line is that you are young and you can be patient in your quest to find that woman whom you choose to serve from a heart full of love and devotion. Build the friendship first and add the building blocks of trust and communication. With that foundation firmly in place, sex and D&S can be the cement that solidifies the relationship. I do wish you the best.
Q. Dear Ms. Sutton, I've enjoyed reading your website and have learned a tremendous amount from it. I'm wondering if you might address a specific male submissive desire that I have, and which I've been able to find scant information on.
I am in a relationship in which my girlfriend often will dominate me, though it has not reached the full 24/7 situation. I have mentioned to my girlfriend a strong desire to be HYPNOTIZED by her, but she has expressed reluctance. I'm wondering what you might advise about hypnotism and female domination?
My specific fantasy consists of wanting her to hypnotize me so that when she says a specific word, a "trigger" word, at any time, I will immediately have the overwhelming and powerful urge to go down on her. Then, she would have the FUN and PLEASURE of teasing and denying that urge! In any case, though I have brought up the fantasy with her, and even gone so far as to send her an e-mail delineating how she might go about hypnotizing me, she has never followed through on this.
I've also bought her books on hypnotism, and told her very explicitly what a USEFUL thing it would be to have such a "trigger" word.
Is this kind of hypnotism something you've used and do you think it's appropriate to female domination/supremacy? Thank you for considering what perhaps is an odd angle on female domination.
A. Hypnosis is not something to be taken lightly. Hypnosis is a powerful technique that should only be used by the trained professional. Done correctly, hypnosis bypasses the conscience and thus the human will, and places suggestions into the sub-conscience. It is believed that by entering the sub-conscience, certain habits can be controlled by re-programming your brain to automatically send certain signals to the rest of the body, without the decision process of the human will.
Probably the two most common uses for hypnosis are in the areas of smoking and over-eating. A trained professional will try to change a person's attitude toward tobacco and food by re-programming their mind to view these practices as being a negative instead of a positive. Hypnosis bypasses the conscience and places this programming into the sub-conscience with the hope that by removing the human will from the equation, the person with little will-power will be able to overcome their cravings for tobacco or food because their sub-conscience will tell the rest of the body that this is a bad thing and thus the appetite will not crave the cigarette or the chocolate donut.
Does it work? In some people but not in all because the human will still must make the final decision. Hypnosis can convince a person that they in fact hate the taste and smell of cigarettes, but that person must be willing to also accept this fact with their conscience mind. It may take a lot of hypnosis to overcome the programming in a person's mind that they enjoy cigarettes. The person who has smoked for years has programmed his mind and his body that he likes cigarettes. Ultimately, it takes a decision of the human will that they no longer want to smoke. The hypnosis will assist the process by possibly removing the cravings and there can be success if the hypnosis works in conjunction with the human will.
Getting back to your question, I must ask a question of my own. Why do you need for your girlfriend to implant new triggers into your sub-conscience when you already have sexual triggers? You no doubt desire to be dominated since you are the one who approached her about this. Within the psyche of the submissive male, there are layers of psychological triggers based on your life experiences. Your mind has recorded every sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch you have ever experienced in your life. Your sexuality has been developed by a combination of genetics and life's programming. There are submissive triggers within and D&S can be a fun way of exploring these triggers. My "Psychoanalysis of the submissive male" procedure (as well as the additional procedures that build upon the initial psychoanalysis), are designed to assist a dominant woman as she explores her man's submissive nature.
I believe it is best to get into the sub-conscience by going through the door of the conscience and peeling back each layer to find those new triggers. Certain images and words already excite you. Your sexuality and nature has already been formed. The wise woman will explore your nature with you and she will discover those triggers and manipulate those triggers to her advantage. There is no need for her to add additional triggers through hypnosis. A certain facial expression or a certain tone of her voice or her body language or a certain fetish outfit that she may wear can touch one of your triggers which will cause you to desire to "go down on her". Certain D&S activities will stir your submissive nature by touching your sexual triggers and this will cause you to become aroused and overwhelmed with submission toward the female. Again, you already have psychological triggers that make you who you are sexually. Hypnosis is not necessary. What is necessary is for both partners to communicate to each other their true desires. That is called intimacy.
Having said all that, the fantasy of hypnosis can be fun. Hypnosis to re-enforce your submissive desires toward the female gender through verbal scripts can be an erotic experience. But it is not necessary in order for your girlfriend to dominate you. You already have many triggers present within you that she can use. Have Fun.
