Female Liberation or Promiscuity? Questions about Cuckolding
Q. What are your feelings on cuckolding? I have come across this topic on a number of Female Domination discussion boards and web sites. I know it has something to do with a dominant wife having lovers other than her husband. Where did the term cuckolding come from and isn't this Adultery and thus a sin?
A. The words cuckold and cuckolding comes from the cuckoo bird. The female cuckoo bird lays its eggs in the nests of other birds leaving them to be cared for by these other birds. The French equated this female cuckoo to a woman who is unfaithful and who "sleeps around". The husband of such a woman is know as being cuckolded or married to an unfaithful wife.
In Female Domination this term has come to mean a liberated wife who has other lovers for the sole purpose of humiliating her husband and using that humiliation to drive the husband into deeper submission to her. The dominant wife claims that she is free to do whatever she pleases, including having sex with whomever she desires. The husband must be monogamous to her and must suffer the shame of being cuckolded. In Female Domination, often orgasm denial and control of the husband accompanies cuckolding. The wife loves to have sex with another man while denying her own husband the right of having sex with her. It is a mind game and a power exchange.
My personal feeling is that women who use cuckolding as an excuse for cheating and being promiscuous, are hurting their marriage and risk permanent damage to their marriage. Cheating is never right and having sex with another man behind your husband's back is adultery. However, I have known women who use cuckolding as a tool and an activity to drive their husbands into deeper submission. My rule of thumb is that as long as the husband is present and agrees to watch the cuckolding take place, than it is not cheating. It can be a very powerful tool of humiliation and it may unlock more of the husband's submissive desires.
Remember that in the New Testament, adultery is a sin of the heart. It is possible to commit adultery without ever having sex with another person. Jesus said that if you lust and your heart goes after another, then that is adultery. Likewise, it is possible to have sex with another person and not commit adultery. If the wife has sex with another man for the sole purpose of humiliating and controlling her husband and if her heart is still toward her husband, then that is not being unfaithful and it is not adultery.
Now there must be some guidelines here. Again, the husband should be present and if the other man is also married, his wife must give her permission. There can be no cheating or deceit. Also, make sure that the other man is healthy and practice safe sex. Please hear what I am saying here. I am not encouraging or discouraging cuckolding. However if the wife's motives are right, cuckolding can be a powerful weapon in the training of her husband. Even if she never follows through with the cuckolding, the husband should submit to the fact that the wife has the "right" to have other lovers whereas he exists for the sole purpose of pleasing his wife.
The bottom line is that Female Domination should enhance the marriage. If either partner has a real problem with cuckolding, then don't engage in it. If an activity will not strengthen the bond of the marriage and the level of intimacy and trust between that husband and the wife, then the activity is not worth it. Like all things, cuckolding needs to be discussed openly and honestly between the husband and the wife to see how they both feel about this subject. Ultimately, the wife will make the final decision based on what she feels is best for her marriage and the FemDom relationship. A husband who desires to be cuckolded must never push his wife into this activity. She must decide that it is something that she desires and feels that it would be a positive experience for all involved. The wife makes the decision, period.
Q. Ms Sutton, I want to thank you for your thought-provoking site on this lifestyle. I also have a question about cuckolding. I have read the stories and your opinion about this topic but the one thing I still do not understand is, why would a loving and adoring husband desire that his wife be unfaithful to him? This seems to fly against the most basic of human emotions, yet from what I have read on your site (and on other sites) this seems to be a rather frequent desire among submissive husbands.
A little background about myself, I was previously married and I had an unplanned extra marital affair. I will not try to justify what I did but I yielded to a moment of weakness. The result was hell on earth. My ex-husband was devastated. No matter how many times I asked for his forgiveness and no matter how many marital counseling sessions we had, he could not get over my infidelity and he could not forgive me. Our marriage ultimately ended in divorce.
I was hurt but I persevered, met my current husband and fell deeply in love with him. About three years into my new marriage I discovered that my new husband had submissive desires. I knew nothing about this lifestyle but I was intrigued so I agreed to explore it with him. Your site and procedures have been a tremendous help. As we began to explore this lifestyle, I discovered that my current husband had a strong desire to be cuckolded by me. It ranks near the top of all of his D&S interests. After what I went through with my former husband, I flat out rejected this idea and told my husband in no uncertain terms that I forbid him to ever bring it up.
However, it keeps creeping back into our conversations when we discuss this lifestyle and I can see his excitement and enthusiasm for it. I am really dumfounded by this. I know first hand the pain that infidelity can cause and even if it is a mutually agreed upon activity between consenting adults, I can't fathom any other result from cuckolding other than pain and hurt. Am I missing something here? I have promised my husband that I will keep an open mind when it comes to this lifestyle but this is one area that I do not understand. Please advise.
A. The infidelity of a spouse is one of the most emotionally painful events that one can experience. I have counseled men who have told me that the death of a spouse was easier emotionally than the unfaithfulness of a spouse. It involves so much more than sex. Adultery is an act of the will and the heart. To a spouse, this represents the ultimate form of rejection. It is the breaking of the wedding vows and the marriage covenant. Spiritually, it is the tearing apart of the two fleshes that had previously became one. It hurts and it can send the emotions into total turmoil and chaos.
Adultery is cheating. The sex is the final act but it is not the sum of this act. The deception, the willful breaking of the wedding vows, the rejection of one's life partner by being intimate and romanced by another all precede the actual act of sex. It is the yielding of one's heart to another. The results can be devastating to a marriage. Some marriages are strong enough to withstand this traumatic event but many are not and thus end like your first marriage did. To a man, the infidelity of his wife can be extra hurtful due to the fragile male ego. It sounds as if your former husband could not emotionally overcome what you did. That is too bad because if it was indeed a one-time event, there was no reason that the two of you could not have saved your marriage. You belonged to him the entire marriage except for one night but he was haunted by his thoughts and he could not forgive you. Again, that is too bad but it demonstrates the pain and the negative power of infidelity.
I almost excluded cuckolding from my site because of the potential harmful effects of infidelity. I am about strengthening marriages through female domination, not hurting them. However, I could not ignore that the desire to be cuckolded is a strong desire within some submissive men and cuckolding is an ever-growing activity within female domination marriages. Therefore, instead of ignoring this controversial subject I decided it was best to include it and discuss it in an open manner.
Cuckolding is all about intent and motive. Unfortunately, there are women who take advantage of their husband's submissive nature in order to live a promiscuous life. Some get away with it but most do not. Somewhere along the line the act of cheating will come back to haunt those that engage in this destructive behavior.
Having said that, there are couples that have been able to successfully incorporate cuckolding into their female domination marriage. Cuckolding means different things to different people but within female domination, cuckolding is an activity that a wife engages in to take her husband into a deeper level of submission to her through intense humiliation. Cuckolding is also a social statement within female domination. It turns the tables on centuries of marriages where the husband had extra marital affairs and the wife could do little about it due to economic reasons.
Ultimately, cuckolding is another weapon in a dominant wife's arsenal. It is potentially dangerous if used incorrectly but so is a whip. A woman could severely harm her man if she were to misuse her whip, or her strap-on, or any of her other tools of domination and discipline. But used with the proper skill and motive, these toys can take a man into the tranquil and pleasurable world of sub space. The same goes with cuckolding. It is not for every couple because not every man has the same submissive makeup. However, when you read Gary's words in Denise and Gary's story in my Real Life stories section, you will see what cuckolding does to him and you get a glimpse into why some submissive men desire this activity. He is not unique. There are many submissive husbands out there that desire to be cuckolded on some level.
Done correctly and with the proper motivation, it can be exciting for the wife as she gets to exert her female authority and female liberation. This allows her an incredible power advantage over her cuckolded husband and this added dynamic usually carries over into all other D&S activities within the marriage relationship. Cuckolding within female domination is not so much about the sex as it is about power and it is that female power and female liberation that gives the wife the ability to use intense humiliation on her husband that may transport him to subspace as he yields to her authority.
In other words it is the mental stimulation and mental domination that transports the submissive to a new level in his submissive nature. The act of cuckolding is about giving the wife the experience that she can than use as a mental image to dominate her husband's thoughts. It is not so much about sexual fulfillment. There may be some sexual fulfillment but the sexual act is only temporary whereas the using of the act as a tool for mental domination can be on going. Think of it this way, your former husband was repeatedly haunted by the thoughts of your one time fling. Your fling lasted only one night but the mental image of what you did tormented him night after night. With cuckolding within a loving female domination marriage, the wife uses the mental image of the cuckolding to repeatedly tease and humiliate her husband, which triggers his submissive nature and causes him mental pleasure and submissive fulfillment. If the husband is present and forced to watch the cuckolding take place, this adds to the mental imagery and the intensity. The same goes if he is forced to listen or participate in some humiliating manner.
This does not mean that when he is out of subspace (say at work or driving alone in his car) the husband may not entertain negative and hurtful thoughts. Cuckolding is an attack on the male ego and it is up to a skilled dominant wife to get her husband to choose submission over jealousy. This is not easy but if done successfully, it is one of the biggest benefits to cuckolding. A man who becomes excited about the thought of being cuckolded is usually less controlling and less likely to become jealous.
Having said all of this, let me reiterate that cuckolding is not for all female domination couples. The husband has to be mentally ready for this and just because the fantasy excites him does not mean that he is emotionally ready to handle the actual act. Likewise, most wives have no interest whatsoever in taking another lover. Many wives get into this lifestyle to enhance their one on one relationship with their submissive spouse. Both the wife and the husband must be ready for this activity, otherwise it will end up being a negative experience.
I do think it is important that the wife realizes that she has the right and authority over her husband to cuckold him if she would so choose to exercise that right. It is a powerful thing to get the husband to yield to his wife's authority and liberation, even if she never has any intention or desire to ever pursue cuckolding. The wife can still tease her husband that he had better never take her for granted, or else she may indeed choose to make him a cuckolded husband.
Therefore, my advice to you is to use your new husband's desire against him by letting him know that you have the right to have other lovers but whether you pursue it will be totally up to you. Tease him about it but since it goes against your conscience, just leave it as a fantasy. Do not allow him to pressure you into doing something that you have no desire to do. You are the Dom so you make the decision. If you play along with him and tease him about your right and authority over him, that should suffice and give him the mental and sexual stimulation that fulfills this submissive desire within him. That way you can use his desire to dominate him and stay true to your conscience and values at the same time.
Q. Hi Elise, what a wonderful real-life story about that woman Anna cuckolding her husband. I just wished you had suggested "clean up" duty for her husband. I have my husband lick my lover's cum out of me. I highly recommend it. I can't think of anything more humiliating. I know she uses a condom with her lover, I would have the husband drink the contents of the used rubber.
A. What you are suggesting is practiced by some dominant wives but we must keep health and safety at the forefront here. This woman uses a condom to protect herself and her husband. She is ninety percent sure that her lover is clean and healthy but unless you are 100 percent positive, clean-up duty is not always a good idea. I recommend that the wife douches and cleans herself up before having hubby perform cleanup duty.
This may not be as erotic to the wife but safety is more important. You could use some imagination and not let your hubby know that you douched and cleaned yourself up before making him do his cleanup duty. That way it is still humiliating to the husband but safe at the same time. Creativity and your attitude will do more (as far as making it a humiliating act for your hubby) then the actual clean-up duty.
Q. Elise, I am fifty years old but look much younger. Add that to the fact I've lost a lot of weight and have colored my hair extremely blonde, I feel sexier than I have in years.
The past few years, I've had the very strong urge to cheat on my husband. We love each other very much, but for some reason having sex with someone else turns me on totally, makes me feel sexier. My husband is great, but I have the urge to find better and tell him about it. I told him I was planning on cheating on him and, while he said he got hurt, he also got totally turned on. It was a "good" hurt he said. I suggested the following changes to our sex life:
1) I can deny him as long as I want. No orgasm without my say so and with me only.
2) I can demand sex with him whenever I want, and I can have sex with whomever I want, wherever I want. Regarding the latter, it's none of his business and he can ask no questions.
3) If he whines or complains when I go out (Where am I going? Who am I meeting? Where were you?), I can deny him longer.
Elise, we both agree this is very exciting. He told me he enjoys the fact that I'm honest with him. It also turns him on that I want to find someone better than him. When I told him I'd planned on cheating on him and lightly giggled, I could tell he was hurt. But he said he loved it and I found I loved relishing in his humiliation! I often wear boots (his favorite) and smoke (another favorite fetish of his) and he said it drives him insane when I tell him I am going out somewhere and he can't ask.
Elise, this is so much fun for me and spicy. I've never felt sexier or stronger. I told him no backing out of the agreement or I'll be disappointed. When I said that, he said he felt powerless, tied down minus ropes around him. What is your opinion of this?
A. Being tied down with no ropes is mental domination. He is experiencing sub space. He is feeling your dominant power radiating from you and he cannot resist it. He loves losing control to you and he loves seeing you so sexual and so dominant. He is sensing your seriousness about cuckolding him and this is making him weak. You are expressing your female liberation after all these years of marriage and this exalts you to the Dominant position in your marriage. This is stirring his submission and taking him to sub space. That is why he is having the being tied down with no ropes sensation.
If you follow through with the cuckolding, please make sure that you guard your heart and keep your husband as the focus of your attention. Use the cuckolding to humiliate him but be sure to do it in a way that transports him to sub space. That way it will be an exciting experience for him as well as for you. It sounds likes he will go to sub space easily.
Use you liberation and newly found power to drive him into deeper submission to you. Build upon this power advantage and make your husband submit to you in all aspects of your relationship. Play safe and take all the appropriate precautions. Don't cuckold him with the first guy that flashes a smile your way. This is serious business so be choosy and be wise. Just the fact that you go out (without your husband) looking for a good time, should be enough to drive him to sub space. You don't have to follow through with the cuckolding in order to enjoy the powerful benefits. Keep your husband guessing and keep your dominant attitude.
I like your rules. If you want to build upon them, you might want to get my marriage contract procedure. I think you will approve of and greatly enjoy the terms and conditions of the contract. I wish you the best.
Q. Mrs. Sutton, My husband and I are into FemDom for more than nine years now, and we
Deeply love each other. About one year ago he told my about his desire to be cuckolded. My first reaction was that I wouldn't take the chance to lose him and I didn't want it. But since I read your thoughts on the subject a few months ago, we talked about it again.
My husband said that it would be his ultimate proof of submission to me and that he has been thinking about it for many years. He said that he really needed to see me having great pleasure with other men, while I'm denying him all sexual pleasure. I think I am beginning to understand
what he means. The thought of having sex with other men in front of him to humiliate him is becoming very appealing to me. But I love my husband and I don't want to lose him. So I want to do things the right way. Can you give me any advice to guide us through this experience?
A. The best advice I can give you is to be in no hurry and to takes things slow. The biggest mistake couples make is that they let the excitement of cuckolding cloud their judgment. Until the opportunity presents itself, I would advise you to keep teasing your husband about it. You also might want to order my "Marriage Contract" procedure. I would recommend that you order all my procedures but at least get procedures six, nine and twenty-two as these will help you to explore the cuckolding fantasy without actually engaging in it.
I guess my question to you would be, do you have anyone in mind that you could cuckold your husband with? The key is to find a man that will not expect a relationship with you. The challenge in cuckolding is to find a man that is healthy and willing, but who does not expect a relationship in return. Read the article by Ms Lilly on my Real Stories section and she will give you some pretty good tips on how to possibly find a man. Pay special attention to who she says NOT to cuckold your husband with.
Finally, always remember that you do not have to do this. As long as your husband thinks you are looking and as long as you tease him about it, the fantasy can still provide lots of fun and excitement. You could even date a man without having sex with him. You could go to a nightclub and dance with other men while you make your husband watch. These are ways to humiliate him without actually having sexual relations with another man. It is always best to take small steps and you may decide that the small steps are fulfilling enough and you do not need to take the big step. But you will ultimately have to make that decision. Just make sure that you are the one who is making the decision and do not allow your husband to pressure you into this. Once you are positive that your husband is ready for this, it is still the wife who must decide if and when she is ready to take a lover.
Q. Elise, I appreciate your wisdom when it comes to Female Domination and in particular cuckolding. You are usually supportive of the wife's position when it comes to her having the right to date other men if her marriage is an agreed upon FemDom relationship. Therefore I was surprised by your response in a recent addition in your Real Stories section. It was the story by a man called Obedient Husband.
I agree with you that Obedient Husband and his wife need to communicate and discuss this situation. Communication is the most important element within any marriage and especially within a FemDom marriage. Where I disagree with you is when you told Obedient Husband to grow a backbone and to stand up to his wife and to fight for her affection.
Obedient Husband stated that his wife is a Female Supremacist and that they have an agreed upon Female Domination marriage where he submits totally to her. Furthermore, they have always had this type of relationship from courtship to marriage. Their marriage is not a partnership where they discuss and find a consensus on areas where they disagree. She makes the decisions and he has agreed to honor her decisions. Hopefully, she takes his well being into account but regardless, her word is law.
She has made the decision to take a lover. We can argue that she may or may not have gone too far with this relationship. But we should not undermine her authority over her husband. He told her that he was not happy about the lack of intimacy and attention he is receiving from her and it appears that she has taken his concerns into consideration and she is trying to come up with an arrangement where all parties are happy. She probably sees feminine tendencies in her husband and I am sure she knows him better than anyone else, so perhaps her solution about exploring his feminine side will be fulfilling to him once he surrenders this area over to her.
Obviously it is hard to comment on this situation, since I do not personally know this couple. My point is that regardless of her motives and her judgment, her word is law and she has the right to make these decisions. She very well may make some mistakes (as we all do) but her husband needs to still submit to her and trust her. Elise, you have said numerous times how submission is not about just submitting to that which you enjoy. If a man wants to truly submit himself to a woman, he needs to submit to the good and the bad. In my opinion, Obedient Husband will risk losing the woman he loves and will cause her strife and mental anguish if he rebels to her authority and stands up for his rights as a husband. He agreed to surrender those rights to her when he entered into a Female Domination marriage with a Female Supremacist wife. He could have married a different woman and entered into a more traditional marriage. Obedient Husband agreed to this relationship and he must live with the consequences.
A. I agree with you in principle, as you make some good points. This gentleman did of his own free will enter into a relationship with a dominant woman. He knew from their pre-marital relationship that this woman was serious about Female Supremacy and that she would demand obedience and submission from her husband. This appealed to him and he even said that her dominant ways and her belief system are what attracted him to her. So you are absolutely correct in your premise. If a man agrees to enter into a Female Domination marriage, he must lay aside his wants and needs and focus on serving his wife. This means that he must submit to his wife when he agrees with her authority and also when he disagrees with her authority. It is easy to submit to someone when you agree with their decisions but the true test of submission is when you lay aside your desires and submit to the desires of your superior, whether you agree with them or not.
However, that is not what I was addressing in my response to this gentleman's story. Marriage is a covenant and a covenant is a permanent contract. The wife has the right to make the decisions in the marriage but she still must honor her commitment to the covenant. The wife has the authority over her husband but that authority does not give her the right to violate the covenant she has previously entered into. What I was addressing in Obedient Husband's story was a clear violation of the marriage covenant and he most certainly has the right to point this out to his wife.
Like I said in my response, I applaud Obedient Husband's wife for how she controls her husband and how she incorporates her Female Supremacy beliefs into her marriage. I also stated how I needed to hear her side of the story before making an honest assessment of the situation. But based on what Obedient Husband wrote, I had to in good conscience recommend that he stand up to his dominant wife long enough to make her aware of the seriousness of the situation. What she does not need from him at this time is for him to roll over and ignore her transgression. If a man is in submission to his wife but the wife has a serious gambling problem or drinking problem, it is not rebellion for him to intervene on her behalf. Submission is an expression of love and sometimes love must be tough.
If what he described is true, his wife is committing adultery by preferring another man over her husband. Adultery is not so much about sex but it is a condition of the heart. When a woman spends most of her time with her lover but denies her own husband any intimate contact, what would you call it? This is not cuckolding. Cuckolding is when a married woman has a lover (or lovers) in order to express her liberation and dominance over her husband. However, her focus must be on her husband or else it is cheating. I am not saying that she cannot have feelings for her lover, as it is next to impossible to be intimate with a man and not to develop feelings for him. But that is different from giving your heart to your lover. Show me the man that a woman primarily thinks about and spends the majority of her free time with and I will show you the man that her heart loves. At the very least, a husband is entitled to be his wife's number one. He need not be her one and only but marriage does entitle him to be her number one. Adultery is the breaking of the marriage covenant and no husband has to accept that in the name of submission.
A husband and wife need to be intimate on some level. It need not be intercourse or even physical sex, as D&S can cause intimacy between two people. Done correctly, cuckolding can even be sex of the minds between the wife and the cuckolded husband. There must be some sort of intimacy to keep that bond between wife and husband. This couple never engaged in intercourse but that bond was formed when she allowed her husband to orally service her and when she engaged in D&S play with her husband on a regular basis. However, that all stopped when she met her lover. Her lover forbade her to be intimate with her husband and she submitted to his wishes. If that is not a clear violation of her marriage covenant, then I do not know what is.
I have no problem with the ankle bracelet and what that represents. I have no problem with her having a lover while denying her husband orgasms. This situation gave this woman a real opportunity to take her husband to a new level in his submission to her and advance her control over him. But somehow (and probably unexpectedly to her) the relationship with her lover went too far and she crossed that dangerous line. I have yet to hear from her but I pray that she makes the necessary corrections to this situation. Her husband loves her and I pray that they can return to the kind of intimate Female Domination marriage they previously enjoyed.
Ladies, please understand what I am saying here. This is such a critical point. If you decide to cuckold your husband, you must examine your own heart and your own motives. If you are not in love with your husband, you have no business exploring cuckolding. If you are lonely or feel that your husband does not meet a certain need in your life, these are not reasons to cuckold him. You cuckold your husband because you know that his submissive nature will positively respond to this sort of humiliation. You must feel him out ahead of time and determine if cuckolding him will take him to subspace. You can tell this by how he responds when you tease him about it. Does it excite him? Does it make him melt into submission? Does he get that being tied down without ropes feeling? If so, then this may indeed be an activity that you want to explore with him.
For your part, it is natural to enjoy dating other men and having sex with other men. It is also natural to develop feelings for men that you are intimate with. But you need to view cuckolding as D&S sex between you and your husband. Even if it is physical sex between you and your lover, it should still be an act of D&S between you and your husband. Cuckolding is a tool to play mind games with your husband in order to stretch his limits so you can take him into deeper submission to you. Your husband must enjoy this as well. Otherwise, it is cheating and it will bring serious harm to your marriage.
I am all for women being liberated. I am all for women expressing that liberation to society and to their husbands. Cuckolding can be a powerful tool in expressing that liberation but only if the husband is ready for it and only if the husband is the focal point for it. I am a staunch Female Supremacist and I love it when women push the envelope with their husbands and demand more control over them. However, I am also an advocate for the marriage covenant. I believe in marriage and I believe that dominant women need to cherish their submissive husbands. D&S should be about strengthening the marriage. Any activity that would harm the marriage or violate the marriage covenant is wrong.
With authority goes responsibility. Men have wrongly had authority over women for centuries and have abused that authority. Women are of a higher moral make-up and women need to combine nurturing and love with their authority. If women were to disregard their husband's needs and if women misuse their authority, the marriage will be no better off then if the husband was in charge. I am a Female Supremacist for a reason. I truly believe that society and its institutions (including marriage) are better off when women are in control. But with that control comes responsibility. Men have proven themselves to be covenant breakers. As women gain in power and control, they need to show men what loving authority is all about. Men are eager to surrender to women. It is up to women to accept that surrender and to use it for the common good of both genders.
Q. I love you Elise. You are my hero and my inspiration. I agree with you and your advice about 99% of the time. However, I must tell you that I think you were overly cautious with your advice to the woman who asked about making her husband perform clean-up duty after she had sex with her lover. I agree that a woman needs to be cautious as to whom she has sex with, but if the woman feels safe fucking a man, she should feel safe about having her husband lick the dried cum from her pussy when she gets home from her date.
I make my husband perform clean-up duty on me all the time and it is what I enjoy most about the whole cuckolding process. I love to humiliate my hubby this way and I usually orgasm when my hubby is performing clean-up duty. It is so erotic and such a power rush. I am sure most women would never put their husbands at risk. Like I said, if I trust a man enough to fuck me, I certainly trust that my husband will be safe in cleaning me out with his tongue.
A. I know a lot of women feel the same way you do. It boils down to judgment. If you feel confident that your lover is clean, then go for it. However, I would still hope that you require that your lover use a condom when he is having sex with you. That is just common sense. How do you know for sure he wasn't with someone else that he didn't tell you about? When you have unprotected sex with a man, you are having sex with every partner he has ever had. A condom is a must. Like I said before, you don't have to tell your hubby about the condom if you want to add to his humiliation when you order him to perform clean-up duty. The mind games are what will make it erotic and powerful. Just the fact that you know your husband is submitting to you by performing clean-up duty should turn you on.
Q. Elise, I really enjoy your Real Stories Section. I found the entry from Ms Lilly to be interesting and informative. I really like the way she did her presentation by breaking it up into different topics within the topic of cuckolding. She covered things that I never thought of, such as who not to date if you are considering cuckolding your husband.
I am really glad that you posted her presentation because although her topic was on the positives of cuckolding, after reading it I determined that I am in no way ready to try this. I actually had a man in mind that I was going to pursue but after reading her in depth interview, I realize that I have not properly prepared myself nor my husband for this. My husband and I are still excited about pursuing cuckolding in the future but not in the immediate future. I realize that we still have a ways to go. Thanks again.
A. I am so happy to hear that you've decided to wait. When I first heard Ms Lilly's presentation on cuckolding, I knew that her experience and wisdom in this area needed to be heard or read by others. I got the transcript from her speech and I encouraged her to allow me to share it on my site. She declined at first, but then she was approached about publishing it in a FemDom magazine. She kept the rights to it and after the magazine had been out for 60 days, she gave me permission to add it to my site (in a slightly condensed version).
Unfortunately, what does not come over through the written word is her humor and upbeat personality. Some of her comments are actually done with humor to take away from the shock of her actual lifestyle. That did not translate over so well in the magazine article or the posting on my site. People read it and think that she is the ultimate bitch and selfish person. I think the magazine wanted to portray that since its readers are ninety percent submissive males. However, the fact is that when she does her presentation at a D&S function, she is very personable and charming. I have gotten to know her and she is really a sweet woman.
Another thing her article did not cover is how her husband was the one who originally brought up the subject of cuckolding to her. She has enjoyed cuckolding him for the past fifteen years (as her presentation portrays) but her husband has enjoyed it as well. Some people cannot fathom that a man would submit to such an arrangement but her husband has and I have seen how he adores and loves his wife. They are a fascinating couple to talk with and a great study in the psychology of a female supremacy marriage.
Having said that, I posted her presentation because I knew it was loaded with solid advice and information. Yes, it might inspire some women to pursue cuckolding but I think it will also have the opposite effect. Just like in your case, Ms Lilly's wisdom should serve to bring caution to those couples that want to pursue cuckolding but have not really thought things through. I love her stick of dynamite analogy and I now use that same analogy when counseling people who want to explore cuckolding. If you don't know what you are doing, it is best to leave it alone until you do know what you are doing. If in doubt, Don't!
Q. I needed to write you to thank you for your site and its thoughtful treatment of female superiority. I have positive views on cuckoldry as a tool for achieving genuine female control. It is my belief that patriarchy is based as much on the territorial instincts of the male as on simple brute strength. This instinct produces the mindset which includes exclusive rights to females as part of the male's territory and possessions.
In my experience, knowing that my wife is involved sexually with other males has done wonders for my submissive mindset. Our relationship had reached the point where she knew that I was prepared to go deeper into subspace, and she announced her intentions to take lovers. I rebelled initially, but she made it clear that I had no say in the matter. After her first extramarital experience she was excited and radiant. I came to realize that her affairs were a source of great pleasure for her and that she delighted in telling me the details. A few of her lovers exhibited submissive tendencies, and she has rewarded me by bringing them home and dominating me with them.
I have totally overcome my jealousies and have never been happier in service to her. In short, our female domination experience moved from occasional bedroom games to a more pervasive lifestyle. I'm thrilled to be her cuckold, and I recommend that other women utilize this important tool.
A. I agree that cuckolding is a tool to rid a husband of jealousy and to drive him deeper into submission to the liberated wife. That is the purpose and the goal of cuckolding and I am happy to hear that it has had such a positive effect on you and your marriage.
Cuckolding in the hands of a dominant and skilled woman is a tool of domination much the same way the whip and the strap-on are tools. A tool can be used properly or it can be used improperly and thus cause damage and harm. The whip misused can cause physical damage to a man's body. Cuckolding misused can cause mental damage to a man's emotions. It is obvious that your wife has incorporated cuckolding into her marriage in a positive fashion and you are a better man and a better husband for it.
Q. Dear Ms Sutton, I read your advice on forced feminization and strap-on discipline. Both of which I believe to be very true. My question to you is about cuckolding. I realize that cuckolding is a tool for a woman to use to make a man more submissive to his wife. But what if the man desires to be cuckolded? Will this still produce the desired submissive response from the husband?
I desire my wife to seek other lovers. Does this mean I'm a latent bisexual? I don't feel any desire for men. I worship women, yet I long to be forced into licking my wife clean after she has been with a lover. I respect your opinion and hope to hear from you on this subject.
A. A wife should only cuckold her husband if he also desires it in some manner. I am totally against a woman cuckolding her husband if he is not ready for it and would not enjoy it on some mental or emotional level. So to answer your question, cuckolding is not a tool of discipline but a tool of humiliation and humiliation should only be used if the submissive responds favorably to the humiliation.
By favorably, I mean does the act cause the man to enter subspace? Does the act of cuckolding transport the cuckolded husband to a place of weakness and submission? Does he become excited by the act and does that mental stimulation transport him to a deep level of submission?
It sounds like that would be the case with you. So, I would imagine that you would respond favorably to being cuckolded and that it would indeed make you more submissive to your wife. Especially, if she were skilled in using the act to humiliate you.
Does this mean that you are bisexual? Absolutely not. Cuckolding has nothing to do with homosexuality or bisexuality. You are not desiring to have sex with a man, you are desiring for your wife to have sex with a man. You are desiring to be humiliated by her sexual liberation and the more humiliating, the better. That is why you desire to perform clean-up duty after she has cuckolded you. It is about being humiliated and being driven to a deep place of submission. It is because you are not bisexual that this act is humiliating to you and it is the humiliation that excites you. Cuckolding is a tool of humiliation and an expression of Female Authority. It must never be used as a tool of discipline or punishment.
Q. Dear Ms Sutton, Thank you for your excellent website. I have enjoyed it immensely and feel you are providing a valuable service to all who believe in a Female Dominated culture. I find your clinical approach refreshing and stimulating at the same time, as you treat the fact of female dominance as a given in any human experience.
I experienced an unusual interaction at an upscale restaurant in Brookline, Massachusetts, which I'd like to share with you: I was sitting at the bar with a client having an informal business meeting over drinks. An attractive couple came into the restaurant and were seated at the end of the bar.
I took a casual glance at them and continued talking business. After a short interval, I noticed the woman looking at me rather blatantly, while her husband/boyfriend was right beside her, and acting oblivious to her. I found this odd at first, but since this woman persisted in staring at me in a seductive manner, it soon donned on me that this may be a couple practicing a cuckolding relationship of a dominant woman with a submissive male.
This realization got me totally excited and distracted from my business and client, but I was frozen from going over to her, since I WAS in a business meeting. I would have loved to speak to this woman, even with her man there. My question is this: Is there a symbol, sign, or logo which could be discreetly worn by participants, advocates, and supporters of the Femdom Lifestyle? This would be an exciting development as it would cultivate and foster growth of a powerful sub-culture with tremendous potential, as you have so eloquently espoused.
If such a symbol exists please let me know. If it doesn't exist, it should be created by someone such as yourself, who could promote it and radiate it in mainstream society, as a sign of the times and a growing phenomenon, as you suggest. Wouldn't it be rewarding for you to see such a logo displayed on T-shirts, coffee mugs, jewelry, clothing, websites and billboards? I would love to experience this type of development and would it not be an accurate gauge of validating your philosophy, to the extent that such a symbol actually proliferates throughout society? To see men and women together making such a statement would be spectacular and a total turn-on. Thanks for listening.
A. What you experienced at the restaurant very well may have been a FemDom couple that practices cuckolding or it may have been your imagination running wild. She may have just been admiring a nice looking man and your submissive nature got the best of you. Sometimes we view the world around us with our own colored glasses. For example, a woman may wear boots simply because she likes boots but to the submissive male, she is sending off a signal of dominance. That may or may not be her intention but to the submissive male, that is how he perceives her. The same thought process applies to your experience in the restaurant.
If I'm not mistaken, there is a symbol that married women wear when they want to advertise that they are available for sexual relations with other men and that is the ankle bracelet. I was unaware of this until others informed me of the meaning of the ankle bracelet or anklet. From my understanding, the married woman who wears both her wedding ring and the anklet is advertising to men who are aware of the cuckolding lifestyle. I believe this symbolism originated within the swinger community but has since been adopted by women who practice cuckolding. So if the married woman in the restaurant who was looking you over was indeed wearing an anklet, then your observation may well have been correct.
Nevertheless, you still must be careful. Remember my boot analogy. There are some married women who will wear an anklet simply because they like how it looks. They may have no idea of the FemDom symbolism so you cannot just assume that every woman who is wearing both a wedding ring and an anklet openly cuckolds her husband. But to those couples that know the meaning of this symbolism, it can make the experience of going out in public, with the anklet on display, a more exciting experience. It can make the common activity of going out to dinner or to a bar into an exciting FemDom activity. Remember that cuckolding done correctly is really a sexual activity between the dominant wife and her submissive husband within the arena of their minds. If that couple you noticed was indeed a FemDom couple, I am sure her flirting ways that evening was really D&S fore-play for her and her husband which ultimately lead to even more fun once they returned home.
Other than the anklet, I know of no other FemDom symbol. The BDSM community has a logo of the triple "yin-yang", which symbolizes B/D, D/S, and S/M (or some say it represents "safe, sane and consensual"). There is however no such symbol for FemDom. I am all for people getting together, so if having a logo or symbol can help to accomplish this, I would be all for it.
If someone wants to design a logo that could be placed on bumper stickers, pins, shirts and coffee mugs, I would be more than happy to promote it if it is tastefully done, classy and at the same time portrays what this lifestyle is about. I would have to approve it and I would show it to other dominant women to gain their approval as well before I promoted such a logo. So all you creative people now have an assignment that may help like-minded people to connect within this exciting lifestyle.
Q. I am a female and I work as a strip dancer. I began to work in Montreal where I was born but now I work in New York for the past five years now. I speak English pretty well but I don't write often so I hope you will be able to read me without too much trouble.
Here is why I'm writing to you. First let me tell you frankly that I'm also working as an escort. The money is good but I'm doing that mainly because I love that. So two years ago one of my regulars fell in love with me. I love him very much and when I'm not working I spend much of my time with him. Maybe I'm a whore but I'm a woman too. I love that man but I love my work too. He says that he's not jealous when I'm with other men but he often asks me to tell him what I do with other men. Sometimes it hurts him a little bit when I tell him about some men that have a big penis. I love him and I would like him to be never hurt by my work but I do not want to give up my work.
One of my regular clients, a married man, has a submissive fetish and he told me about your site. I don't have a computer but there is an Internet cafe near the strip bar where I work. He showed me your site and he helped me to open a Yahoo e-mail account. I am writing to you on a break. On your site you speak about married couples. My boyfriend often jokes about us getting married. Would it be a good idea? Do you think I could turn my escort job into cuckolding if we were married and maybe that would make it more exciting for him? He might become happy and even aroused to see me with other men. Is that possible?
A. You seem like a sweet, young lady who has used her sexuality to survive financially. You enjoy being an escort not because of the sex but you like having men shower you with attention. This fulfills a need in your life and you do not want to give this up. I would imagine you crave the attention of men and being a dancer and now an escort has provided you with that male attention plus you have used your sexual power over them to make a nice income.
Only you can decide what it is you want out of life but I would strongly advise you not to get married if you plan to continue to be an escort. You have to make a decision between your boyfriend and your career. You can keep him as your boyfriend and still pursue your career as long as he can emotionally handle it. But I would not enter into marriage with him unless you are willing to give up being an escort. That would not be fair to him.
Your thinking here is backwards. You are hoping that by marrying him, it will make him less jealous because you can claim you are cuckolding him and that might make it exciting for him. Unless he is a submissive male who desires to be cuckolded, your plan has zero chance to succeed. You never mentioned that he was submissive. You said that it was a client who introduced you to my site. So how do you know your boyfriend will enjoy cuckolding? Most men will only become more jealous if their wife is having sex with other men. If you think he has some issues with your career now when he is just dating you, wait until after he marries you. He will become much more jealous.
You have a decision to make. If you love this man, can he not fulfill your need for male affection and attention? If not, then you should not marry him. If you enjoy dating other men and having sex with other men, you would be best off remaining a single female. The only kind of male who would enjoy marrying a woman with your career would be a submissive male who likes to be humiliated by your extra-marital flings. Cuckolding is not for every FemDom marriage and it is a lousy way to begin any marriage. The most successful cuckoldry marriages are the ones that first enjoyed a monogamous marriage. The cuckolding adds excitement because it was a monogamous marriage and the dominant wife enjoys the power of getting her husband to submit to her new liberation. That power dynamic would not be present in your marriage.
You seem like a sweet woman with a good heart. Your life may be exciting but is it fulfilling? Maybe it is and if so, I wish you the best. But if you are not being fulfilled, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your life and pursue a monogamous relationship with a man who will treat you like a Queen and who will give you the attention and love you deserve. Whatever you choose, make sure that all men treat you with the proper respect. You are a woman and you are worthy to be treated as a Queen. Never forget that.
Q. Dear Elise Sutton, What should a husband do if he no longer gets excited from being a cuckold? I've noticed that in the last few months, when my wife would come back from her dates or when she brings a date home that I haven't been as excited as I have been. I no longer feel the "heat" of desire that I used to feel.
We've been together for 16 years, about 5 of those years I've been an orgasm denied cuckold. She sees her lover once, sometimes twice a week and it was hot and exciting for the first few years but lately, I just haven't been feeling the "it". The "it" being that hot mix of jealousy and excitement from your wife being banged hard by another man. "It" doesn't seem to be there anymore and I find myself having to force my enthusiasm.
Lately I've been yearning for a little more vanilla in our relationship. Maybe I miss the monogamous type of relationship. Maybe it's not about sex at all. I feel intensely guilty because it was I who encouraged my wife to try cuckolding. So if the feelings that I am having right now is a result of the years she has been cuckolding me, then a large part of it is my own fault.
I know my wife thoroughly enjoys this lifestyle. I would never ask my wife to stop seeing other men, that would be incredibly selfish of me to take away something that makes her happy and brings her so much excitement. That's why talking about these feelings with her is so difficult. I don't want her to feel like I want her to stop or make her feel bad about what she does. It has nothing to do with her. If I did ask her to stop, it would be completely unfair of me. So, asking my wife to stop seeing other men is not an option for me. And I don't think it's an option for her either.
Maybe I just need a cooling off period, maybe it's because we've doing it so long that I just need a break. Should I consider separating from my wife for a while? Just as a trial separation so that I can miss her for a while and recharge my batteries? I have considered this but when I do I feel really depressed because I fear she may not understand and I'd really hurt her or worse that I'd loose her as a friend. If you have any comments on my situation, I'd love to hear from you.
A. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, you need to discuss your feelings with your wife. I agree that to demand that she stop doing what brings her pleasure would be a selfish act on your part and would probably cause damage to your marriage. After all, cuckolding was your idea and not her idea. You have sown these seeds so you must be willing to live with the results and deal with the results.
However, once your wife hears your thoughts and feelings, she may decide on her own to end the cuckolding (at least for a season). Until you discuss this with her, you cannot know for certainty what her reaction will be. She needs to know that you are no longer fulfilled by being cuckolded by her. All D&S activities must be consensual and that is why the lines of communication must always be open.
Another option may be that she can make some adjustments to the cuckolding process so that it becomes fresh and exciting to you again. As I have stated many times, cuckolding is not for all FemDom couples (actually it is not for most FemDom couples). But you admitted that you desired to be cuckolded and you have enjoyed it for five years. So obviously it is a lifestyle that has worked in the past as it touches your submissive nature. Therefore, maybe it is a matter of it having become stale and routine and that is why the thrill is gone. It has gone from being mental sex between you and your wife to becoming her neglecting you and preferring another man. Without constant communication, that can occur within a marriage that incorporates cuckolding.
I would imagine your wife still cares very deeply for you. The two of you need to discuss this and hopefully come to a solution where the cuckolding can once again be mental sex between you and her. There are all sort of cuckolding scenarios that couples use to keep it fresh and exciting for the cuckolded husband. You need to tell her what it is you enjoy about being cuckolded so she can make the necessary adjustments.
If the two of you cannot agree on this, then she will have to make a decision. It is important that you do not force her to this decision. Allow her to make the decision since you have surrendered control over to her. Tell her you trust her and give her the freedom to decide what is best. She may surprise you and be willing to give up the cuckolding in order to re-focus her attention on building a stronger relationship with you. But nothing positive will happen until you are willing to discuss this openly with her.
Q. Elise, count me amongst the many who praise you for your site. I enjoy reading it and look forward to your monthly updates.
I am a mature female in the prime of my life, college educated with a Masters degree and have done quite well for myself. I am educated in the fields of psychology and sociology as well as anthropology. I am a student of human behavior and have always enjoyed observing people and studying their mannerisms and behavioral patterns. I have also been married to the same loving man for the past eighteen years.
I am writing you to share my observations of the seemingly growing practice of cuckolding. I have noticed on your site that it is quite the popular topic and there seems to be an increase in the number of questions and stories relating to this sexual practice. I have my own take on this often misunderstood lifestyle choice.
Broken down to its basic content, cuckolding is about the indulgence of the female of that which her male partner is denied. Cuckolding happens to be about the wife indulging herself in sex while her husband is denied but this psychological exercise could be played out in a number of other areas that would not have to include sex with another, and I believe would be just as exciting and powerful on an emotional and psychological level.
My marriage and is a perfect example of my theory on this. I have never cuckolded my husband in the traditional sense of the word but I know that this is one of his strongest fantasies. He voluntarily admits that he gets the most aroused from reading your site when the subject matter is about cuckolding. My husband is a psychological masochist and enjoys being humiliated and treated cruelly if that cruelty is within a controlled environment and limited to his psyche. My husband is not a physical masochist because he doe not enjoy physical pain in the least. We've experimented with corporal punishment and such D&S play as CBT but he has a very low threshold of pain and will use his safe word even when the play would be what I would classify as mild.
What I do with my husband is I utilize the principal of cuckolding by denying him in certain areas that he enjoys while I indulge in these same areas. For example, I have forbidden him to eat sweets. He is denied the privilege of eating ice cream, or a donut, a piece of cake, a slice of pie, candy, etc. I have my reasons for doing this and it is ultimately for his own good. Lets just say that as a superior female, I have more self control than my husband. I greatly limit my sweets but occasionally I desire to indulge myself and when I do, it gives me an opportunity to "cuckold" my husband.
What I will do is tie him to a chair so he is helpless and I will indulge myself with my Ben and Jerry's ice cream or my Godiva chocolate. I know that he wants a bite so bad but I tease him and deny him while he must watch me indulge. Isn't this the same principal as the wife who indulges in sex while she denies her husband as he is forced to watch?
Another little torture I will do along the same line is with masturbation. He is forbidden to masturbate. If I would ever catch him eating sweets or pleasuring himself or engaging in any pleasurable habit that is not sanctioned by me, he will be punished in a way that he will not enjoy and will not soon forget. He is forbidden to pleasure himself but I am allowed to indulge if I so desire. When I do decide to indulge, I will "cuckold" him by tying him to a chair and making him watch me pleasure myself while I tease him about his denied status and my right to indulge.
Another variation of this is with the viewing of Adult oriented material. My husband is forbidden but I am permitted to indulge. Being a female, I can control my urges much better than he, so my indulgence is only when the mood strikes me. When I am in the mood to indulge in this area, I might combine it with my right to pleasure myself so I will rent an Adult video or DVD and watch it while I pleasure myself. My husband is bound in his chair, facing me but unable to see the television screen. He is only allowed to look upon me as I pleasure myself. He is not allowed to view what I am viewing thus I get to indulge but he is denied. I might permit him to listen to what is taking place on the video or DVD as this teases him and torments him to no end. He wants to see what I am watching so bad but is not permitted to indulge. I might tease him by telling him what a magnificent body the woman has and how erotic it is watching the well-hung stud ravishing the gorgeous female. He can only hear but cannot watch.
Or perhaps I will even limit his ability to listen to the action. I have placed plugs in his ears so he cannot see or hear what I am enjoying. This is not as much fun for me because I cannot tease him as much but this does frustrate him as all he can do is watch his wife pleasure herself, not knowing what I am hearing or watching from the erotic Adult entertainment. It depends on my mood and how cruel I want to be to him. Once more, this is a form of cuckolding as I am allowed to indulge but he is denied.
Such scenarios usually will take my husband to what you classify as subspace. The crueler I am, the more excited he becomes because he is a mental masochist. I believe most of the men who want to be cuckolded by their wives are mental masochists. The difference with us is that we don't involve another man and this solves all the potential negative problems that are associated with cuckolding. I dominate my husband mentally by utilizing the same principal of cuckolding. I indulge in areas that he is denied. And it is permanent denial. He is never permitted sweets, he is never allowed to masturbate and he is never permitted to view Adult oriented videos and DVDs. I, on the other hand, may indulge myself as much I want and I use my liberation to tease and torment him in the psychological realm of his mind.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you discuss this on your marvelous site. P.S. I absolutely loved your new book. I would love to see it in every University and College Library across the nation. It should be must reading in every Human Sexuality curriculum. I mean that sincerely.
A. Thank you so much for the kind words about my book and my site. Neither would have been possible without people such as yourself being willing to share their stories and observations.
You are no doubt an intelligent and creative woman. I whole heartily agree with your observations on cuckolding. I have never heard it phrased any better. At its core, cuckolding is about mental sex between the psyches of the wife and her husband and it is a form of humiliation play. The fact that the wife is indulging herself while the husband is denied is what forms the mental image that triggers the submissive desire within the man and transports him to subspace. It is this power dynamic that fuels the passion of both the indulging female and the denied male.
Since that is the root of the cuckolding experience, that same power dynamic can be successfully utilized in other areas. A woman wrote me not too long ago about how she cuckolds her husband through denying him what he enjoys even more than sex, that being his fetish to worship her boots. Granted, this woman also cuckolds him sexually by taking another lover but she soon discovered that this thrill for her could be used in other areas with her husband. Her husband craves to worship her boots so what she did was she bought a new pair that she knew he would desire to see her wearing and he would crave to worship them while she wore them. But she denied him and showed him the boots but she told him that she was only going to wear them for her lover and not him. Then, she would come home after her date, tie up her husband, and tease him by telling him how sexy she looked in her new boots and how she allowed her lover to plant kisses all over them and lick them from heel to thigh. She indulged herself in boot worship with her lover but denied her husband that which he craved.
Your observations about cuckolding could be utilized in many areas of the female/male relationship and if the male's submissive nature is stimulated by being humiliated in this fashion, it should have the same affect as cuckolding. Your idea of doing this with sweets is pure genius. I can see the wife who wants her husband to lose weight using this technique. To just order a husband to stop eating sweets will not be as affective as making it an exercise in FemDom. By doing it this way, you are making what would normally be a drudgery for your husband into something exciting and enjoyable. As I pointed out in my book, D&S can take the mundane tasks of life and make them exciting. That is what you have done with your female indulgence/male denial technique.
The key is that it must be something that you both enjoy (sex, eating sweets, watching erotic movies, etc) so that when he is denied, he knows that you are enjoying yourself while you tease and torment him. This technique would never work unless the activity that he is being denied is not also an activity that the wife enjoys. To deny a husband an activity that the wife has no interest in might still be an exercise in FemDom but it would not be the psychological stimulus of the indulgence/denial technique. That is why cuckolding is so powerful. The husband craves sex but is denied while the wife is sexually fulfilled by her lovers.
There must be depth to the psychological trigger in order for the male to be transported to subspace. There must be depth to the trigger for there to be a real power exchange. You have successfully discovered some areas where there is depth as your husband craves to eat sweets, to masturbate and to watch erotic movies. Therefore when you indulge, he understands that you are experiencing great pleasure, a pleasure he is not permitted to enjoy. This gives you power and control over him and that power stimulates his submissive nature, thus he gets mental pleasure while his body is denied physical pleasure.
Thanks again for sharing that with me. I am sure your technique will be utilized and enjoyed by other women as they read about it on my site.
Q. With the understanding the Mistress on the scene has to make the final call, at what point do you think forced bisexuality should be introduced into a cuckolding scene?
A. I addressed this in detail in the January 2004 Real Story section as I shared the real experience of a woman who utilizes a form of forced bisexuality on her husband. She limits it to forced cock sucking and I highly recommend to never go beyond that. I have written about the negative psychological effects of making a heterosexual man perform a homosexual act on another man against his will. This can be a risky activity, not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically. A skilled Dom who truly understands her submissive can have success in this area but I do not endorse or recommend this practice. If the husband is bi-sexual and desires to do this, then it will not have the psychological effect or the power play of the wife dominating him and forcing him to submit to her.
A significant number of dominant women require forced "cock sucking" out of their submissive husbands and have their husbands "warm up" their lovers for them prior to sex through the act of the husband sucking the lover to erection. These women draw the line at cock sucking so they claim no real homosexuality occurs but rather an exercise in female power and husband humiliation. All advanced and intense FemDom activities must be done in a safe, sane and consensual manner. As long as "forced" activities are in reality the male "choosing" to submit to the requests of the dominant female, then it is indeed consensual. All parties must reconcile these activities with their conscience in order for them to be fulfilling. Forced homosexuality is a risky activity, not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically, and thus I strongly caution against this practice.