Real Life Stories - Entries for February 2009
From Gettu B:
Dear Elise, I have been in a female dominated relationship for a little over a year now and for the most part I am happier than ever before. I’m 28 years old and before I met my girlfriend I was in a very bad place financially and my life was a big mess. I could not even afford to pay the rent. I was also having trouble iat work (I’m a graphic designer) and it was probably the hardest time of my life. I started to drink a lot on the weekends and most of my friends were worried about me. It got so bad that I had to find a new place to stay, but I had almost no money and really didn’t know anybody I could stay with. I managed to find a room to rent through my friend Sara, but she told me that her friend Tina wasn’t really looking to rent out the room so it would only be for a short time.
I had met this girl only once before at a party and remembered she was good looking, but I had heard she was a real feminist and kind of a bitch. When I met with Tina she told me she was only renting the room as a favor to Sara and I could get the room very cheap but there were some conditions though. She did not want my friends to come over, I would respect her privacy and I would help around the house. She was very strict about the fact that she was not going to be cleaning up after me and there was no way she was going to do my laundry for me. She told me she had rented the room before and that she had problems every time and she just didn’t have time to be cleaning up after other people.
At first I thought she was stuck-up and hard to live with, but I had no place else to go. As it turns out she wasn’t as bad as I thought, we got along fine and I found myself liking her.
For the first month I really made an effort to be helpful and did much more than she asked me to do, just to keep her on my good side and I felt she really liked having me around. She kept telling me how good it was to have a man in the house, to fix things and how helpful I was to her. She worked a lot of long hours to, so this one Friday I decided to be extra good to her and cleaned the whole house and made her a fancy dinner. When she came home she was extremely happy, and told me she wished she could have dinner like this every Friday. She even gave me a kiss and told me that if I kept this up I could live there for free and use the money to pay up my loans, but she would expect me to increase my home duties a little bit and help her with her errands.
When I look back on this moment I’m surprised that this didn't offend me, instead I was really grateful to her and appreciative. Later that night we started to discuss my money troubles, and I told her everything and she listened to me and was very helpful and nonjudgmental about what I had been going through. Before going to sleep she told me she could probably help me.
I remember feeling a little embarrassed for a few days after that, it had been a long time since I had opened myself so completely to another person. I also sensed that something was different between us. She had been very loving to me.
It started slowly, in the beginning she would hint to me that laundry needed to be done, or how nice it would be if I could make dinner for her that night. But soon she was becoming more aggressive and almost rude when she told me what she wanted me to do for her. It got to the point that I was having doubts about her, and I wondered if I should be letting things go on like this. I started to really slack off, and not paying as much attention to things. I was also spending more time working and worrying about my money troubles.
One night when I got home, Tina was standing in the kitchen looking very beautiful and she had made dinner for us. I was really surprised it was the first time since I started living there that she had cooked. She told me we needed to have a talk, that she knew that I was becoming unhappy with this situation and she was hoping to change that. I had no idea what to expect and thought that she might be going to ask me to move out of the apartment.
Over dinner she apologized to me about how harsh she had been and told me that the reason for it was that she really liked me and she wanted to explain something about herself to me. I was not prepared for what she was about to say.
She started to explain that she was very attracted to me, but that she held strong beliefs that a woman was superior to a man and that she simply could not let herself be in a relationship unless the man would submit to her. I was stunned, not just because of her beliefs but also I had no idea that she had feelings for me.
She started to tell me about her philosophy and to tell me about how she could never be with a man unless he was her complete servant and respected her as his superior. She went on to say that because of her feelings for me, it would be best that I move out, if I could not accept her terms. I had till the end of the month to make a decision (four days) but after that I would have to go. I was completely lost when I left the dinner table and the first thing I could think of was going out to a bar.
The more I thought about it, the more exciting it was. I went from being completely puzzled about it to starting to desire it. I just could not get it out of my mind. We had some good times over those past few months but I didn’t understand how strongly she felt towards me, and I guess that I was just so confused about the way she had told me I didn’t know what to do. It was all very strange.
I finally realized that this woman was the anchor that my life was missing. I needed stability and accountability, just like what you write about. Needless to say, I decided to stay.
After I agreed to her terms we became very close but a lot of things took time to develop. We didn’t go straight to any of the harder disciplining actions or BDSM stuff. But I knew that was what she wanted, and she was very open with it. She gave me plenty of time to get used to it all.
She started out with small stuff like assigning me more and more things to do around the house. What happened was that I started to want her to have more control over me, and I guess I started to play the part of a submissive further and when I became more submissive she became far more dominant. She even found me a new job, one that paid better.
Months went by and she decided it was time for us to go further into this and she wanted me to sign a contract that would layout what she expected from our relationship and that it would be nonnegotiable. Tina said she cared for me but she needed to know for certain that I was dedicated to her.
The contract stated that I was the property of my Mistress Tina and that from now on she would be making all decisions for me. I knew it wasn't legally binding but it brought clarity to our relationship and it defined our roles. The contract stated that I would accept punishment in whatever form she would she fit, should I ever break my oath to her. It also had me surrender my finances over to her so she could manage my money, seeing that I had done such a poor job of it. I was hesitant to do this but I signed the contract and I began to give her my paychecks. She gave me a small allowance.
There was a clause in the contact about sex. It stated that fsex would be for her to initiate and control. We had never had sex so reading this clause made me develop an erection which she noticed. She told me to pull "it" out of my pants so she could inspect "it". I'm not sure if I was excited or humiliated or both. She squeezed it and fondled me, but then she told me to put "it" back in my pants.
I signed the contract and since then I have become her fulltime servant. She has paid off all my debts and seen to it that I am well looked after. I can’t even go out (other than to work) without asking for her consent. She comes and goes as she pleases.
I must say, life is really better. I get more love and attention now than ever before. She dominates me in the bedroom where I am required to orally pleasure her. She has talked about placing me in a chastity device but so far she allows me to masturbate and we have been intimate through intercourse a few times. I would prefer it more but she prefers to be orally pleasured.
All is good, however, for the first time I’m starting to worry. Tina has admitted to me that she wants to take things further and let our friends and my family know about us. Her mother and sisters already know, which I’m not happy about. She wants me to call her Mistress Tina in public when we go out with her friends.
I’m hoping you can give me some answers on how I can slow her down or stop her from outing me to everybody. I also hope you can give me your opinion on our relationship. I know Tina reads your site a lot and I know she would listen to you.
Elise’s Response:
It sounds to me like this woman has totally changed your life for the better. You were headed nowhere real fast and this woman has saved you. You have a wonderful relationship and it sounds to me that what she requires of you is common within a FemDom relationship.
Someone was looking out for you and brought this woman in your life for a reason. As with any relationship, all is not perfect and you will have your “worries” but you need to worship the ground this woman walks on because she is worthy of your adoration and obedience.
Since she reads my site I am sure she understands about Loving Female Authority and it sounds like she balances out discipline with nurturing. I would caution her about telling other people, not because you don’t want it, but because others might not understand. I see no benefit to add stress on your family by outing you to them. If her family and some of her friends are open to a FemDom relationship, then it is perfectly Ok to have you call her Mistress around them. But I agree with you about it not being a good idea to have you call her Mistress around your family. Again, not because you don’t like it (nothing wrong with humiliating a man in public now and again) but because it might hurt your family. We do need to be mindful of other people and their feelings.
Tina may make mistakes along the way but given all this woman has done for you, you need to be humble and forgiving. After all, that is your role and your place, and as you said, you are a better man having entered into this relationship with this wonderful woman. Best wishes.
From Mistress and Ronnie:
Dear Elise, My partner, Ronnie, introduced me to your site as part of my gradual awakening to dominance in our relationship. I find the letters and your replies both reassuring and informative. It’s nice to see so many letters from men who are obviously fulfilled in their submissive role, but I would like to share my own perspective – that of a happily dominant woman.
I met Ronnie about two years ago. I had advertised for a ‘man of substance’ in a local newspaper, about six months after I closed the door on an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. I had decided that I was ready to test the waters again, but this time on my own terms. I should point out that I did not advertise for a submissive man (even though that’s what I got), as at that stage my own dominant nature had not been realized.
Ronnie was one of about a dozen men that I met in response to my advertisement. Although initially not my ‘favorite’, I felt very comfortable with him from the outset and instinctively knew that we would be friends. More contact followed and the attraction steadily grew as I realized that Ronnie was a man who really knew how to communicate with women. His conversation was intelligent and funny, and his level of attentiveness was quite novel. And then came the sex…
Our first night together did not involve penetrative sex (this surprised me at the time) but was truly memorable in other respects. I had never before met a man who was so into touching! As we began to explore each other sexually, it soon became obvious to me that Ronnie derived an incredible amount of pleasure from taking on a ‘servicing’ role. Slowly but surely he revealed more and more aspects of his submissive nature and convinced me that reciprocity (in terms of orgasms) was not an essential component of a satisfying sex life for him. He started to playfully call me ‘Mistress’ and with my acceptance of the title, I began to grow in confidence and to take on more aspects of that role.
What are some of the things that Ronnie does for me?
• He provides me with sexual pleasure whenever I want it. Regardless of time of day or night, Ronnie’s tongue and penis are available to me for my pleasure. My orgasms always take precedence over his; Ronnie only comes when I allow him. As an occasional treat, I make myself comfortable on his face and gently smother him while he performs oral worship.
• Ronnie always seeks and values my opinions on a wide range of issues. Most importantly, he respects my decisions.
• He cleans my house and must look ‘pretty’ to do it. This involves donning high heels, silky white Italian stockings, lacy white G-string, and a sheer white apron. I also attach weighted nipple clamps which he must wear until the cleaning is done. I find that the clamps help to keep him focused on his tasks and provide an incentive not to dawdle!
• Ronnie is subject to regular anal training, which never fails to reduce him to a quivering mound of jelly. (I almost orgasm as I’m taking him with our favorite strap-on.) Regardless of what kind of pleasure I’m in the mood for, Ronnie submits – he derives his greatest pleasure from pleasing me.
• Ronnie brings me coffee in bed, and on mornings when we don’t have to rush, he first wakes me up with a gentle yet enthusiastic bottom licking.
How has life changed since I have assumed my dominant role?
• My sex life is varied and intensely satisfying.
• I have overcome some of the effects of my own socialization as a woman, and now recognize that my desire to exercise loving authority is both natural and positive.
• Ronnie and I have both turned a shared interest in creative writing into a modest web site of our own, in which we chronicle some of our real life adventures (Elise, let me know if you’d like to visit!).
• We have joined a BDSM group in our city, and have made a lot of new friends that understand and accept our dominant/submissive relationship. Of most benefit to me has been the friendship of an experienced, like-minded dominant woman who has helped and advised me when I’ve needed it. She recently assisted me in a special birthday ‘wrap’ for Ronnie.
• I have become much more comfortable in my own skin. I can talk about sex openly for the first time in my life, and in asking for what I want, I invariably get it!
But a good relationship requires more than great sex to sustain it. What makes our relationship work is recognition of our complementary roles; open and honest communication; a well-developed sense of humor; and a shared desire to continually grow and discover new levels of intimacy and trust. I hope my story will resonate with some of your readers and that they ultimately find a path that leads them to this kind of fulfillment.
Elise’s Response:
Thank you for sharing your wonderful relationship with me. It is a beautiful and loving relationship and I am happy for the both of you. You have eloquently outlined why women love this lifestyle and why more women need to embrace it. It is satisfying and fulfilling for both the dominant woman and the submissive man.
Feel free to share with me the URL of your website. I always enjoy reading about people’s FemDom experiences. I may even include some of them on my site if I feel others would benefit. Thanks again and I hope your FemDom relationship continues to grow and flourish in this new year.
From Albert E:
Dear Ms Sutton, I enjoy your site and thank you for it. I have never been in a FemDom relationship with an adult woman but I did have a unique relationship with a girl back when I was twenty-one years old.
I was dating a girl who just turned eighteen but she was still in high school. She was very mature for her age. In fact, when I met her, I thought she was my age and was shocked to find out she was a senior in high school. She was beautiful so I dated her. I told my family and friends she was a freshman in college.
My sex life with this girl was unusual, to put it mildly, and at the time I was embarrassed about it, but also excited. I did not understand it until after coming across your site. I now realize she used female domination or female power over me to get what she wanted and this made me submissive to her, even though I was a senior in college where she was a senior in high school.
This girl would invite me to her house when her parents were away and we would go to her bedroom and she would tell me to get naked, but I had to stand at the foot of her bed and watch her as she masturbated and played with her vibrator. She told me that I was not to touch her or else she would cry rape and ruin my life.
I would stand there naked, she would strip and lay on her bed and she would play with her body as she watched me become erect. She would stare at my naked body as if I was a live centerfold in Playgirl and she would masturbate as she stared at me. She would have big orgasms and I would get so hot watching her slide her vibrator in and out of herself as she played with her nipples on her very large breasts. It was almost too much to take and I wanted to touch her so bad, but I was afraid that she would claim that I tried to rape her, so I obeyed her and just stood there and watched.
We would do this about once a week and it was frustrating. She would also make me masturbate for her while she watched, but she would never touch me while I was naked. Only one time did she grab my penis and she stoked it and squeezed my balls, as if she were just curious what they felt like. But she only did it that one time.
She also would make me beg her to touch her body. I would get on my knees and plead with her and she would make me do this over and over, but she never granted me permission.
She would make me give her money, not during these sexual episodes, but when we would be out, she would ask me how much money I had on me and she would take my wallet and take all of it. I just let her, for some unknown reason.
I dated her for about six months and I never got to sleep with her. She finally dumped me for another guy. It was a strange relationship. She was a real Bitch and very manipulative and I knew that, but I would go along. I actually enjoyed it. I didn’t want to admit it but I enjoyed the way she treated me.
My next girlfriend treated me like gold and we had a very intimate relationship. Yet I still wanted to be back with the girl who manipulated me. There was something about her. She did something to me which I could not explain.
I am now thirty-eight years old and I am married. I have never seen a Pro Dom and I have never had an actual FemDom experience. I want to and I am using your techniques in trying to seduce my wife’s dominant nature. So far, it is going very well. I don’t know if she will ever be as dominant as some of the women I read about on your site, but she is responding to the way I have been serving her.
The other night I bathed her while I had candles burning around the tub, with Diana Krall playing on the stereo. It was very romantic and I orally pleasured my wife that night before we had intercourse. She said it was the most romantic night of our marriage.
I have you to thank for it because I got the idea from your writings. Anyway, I wanted to share my story with you. Thanks again for your site.
Elise’s Response:
Albert, what do you mean you have never had a FemDom experience? You just had one the other night with your wife. That was a FemDom experience. It doesn’t have to involve leather or whips to be a FemDom experience. You placed your wife’s needs and pleasure above your own. You worshipped her with a submissive heart. That is a FemDom experience and it is lovely. Keep this up and you will be having many FemDom experiences ahead of you.
The experience you had when you were twenty-one was also a FemDom experience and you are correct, she used her female and sexual ways to get what she wanted out of you. It does sound as if she used you for her own selfish desires, but you enjoyed it so no harm done. You look back at it now with fond memories and it helped to awaken your submissive nature.
But that was the past, your wife is the present and the future. Continue to seduce her dominant nature with your servitude and you will have many romantic and FemDom nights ahead of you. How far it evolves and how far she is willing to go will depend on many factors. Nevertheless, just the fact that you are serving a superior female will bring you submissive fulfillment. She is your Queen and she is worthy of your devotion and servitude. Take care and keep up the good work.
***Note - More Real Life Experiences in the January/February edition of "Predominant 2009".
