Questions about Forced Feminization, Sissification and Cross Dressing
Q. Elise, what is the difference between Cross Dressing and Forced Feminization?
A. Cross dressers are men that want to dress up as a woman. Most of these men are not gay, but there is something within them that desires to dress up like this. It is kind of a fetish. Cross dressers can't share their secret desire with anyone, so they may see a professional Dominatrix to share their secret with and to have her help him to dress up. I am not sure how this practice made it over into female domination, but it is probably because most cross dressers are submissive. These men probably also enjoy to be dominated as well as being dressed up as a woman. Sometimes the dominant woman will take the cross dresser out in public, to humiliate him and so he can experience the thrill of being out in public looking like a woman. A talented Dominatrix can make a man look a lot like a woman by using a wig and make-up.
Forced feminization is totally different. The key word here is "forced". Forced feminization is where a dominant female forces her submissive male to dress up like a woman, against his will. This is a form of domination and extreme humiliation. The idea of forced feminization is to make a man who has absolutely no desire to dress in woman's clothes, to do so for the woman's entertainment. Forced feminization is fun because the woman knows that the man "hates" to do this. She will force him into woman's clothes, add make-up and maybe even a wig, than she will parade him in front of a mirror and force him to look at himself. She will then precede to humiliate him. Finally, she may even strap-on a dildo and fuck her "sissy slut" to further control him and dominate him. I incorporated forced feminization into one of my earliest psychoanalysis procedures as this can really cause a man's submission to come to the forefront. Judging from the response that I got from this exercise, a lot of women really enjoyed doing this to their men.
So the main difference between these two activities is that the one involves forcing the submissive to dress like a woman, whereas the other involves assisting a man who desires to dress like a woman.
Q. Hello Elise. I discovered your site today and am glad to see a place where I can get straight answers about my submissive urges. I have a couple of questions I would like you to address on the Q and A section.
1. Are there ways of flirting that can attract dominant women? I don't flirt like other guys and have paid the price for it so far. Are there techniques which could help me attract the type of woman I want?
2. You've probably been asked this before, but what is the place of feminine urges among men? I've always been attracted to clothes, particularly high heels and nylons, and feel more submissive and sexy when wearing them.
A. Read my articles "How To Meet a Dominant Woman" and "How to Introduce the FemDom Lifestyle to your Wife or Girlfriend" which are posted on my site. Out going women are all around. Women are more out going today than ever before. Chose to date an out going and aggressive woman, build a friendship with her, and then seduce her dominance with your submission. My articles give you practical advice on how to do this. Dating is not an exact science. It is a process of trial and error. Be kind, courteous, and serve women. Hold doors open for them, smile, volunteer to run errands for them and just go out of your way to treat them like gold. Do this and women will take notice.
As far as the feminine clothing goes, that is very common among submissive men. Everything about women and the feminine excites you and you are curious. Women are mysterious to a lot of men. Wearing female clothing, shoes, etc can be very sexually exciting for a man. It is like embracing the feminine and exploring the feminine. This is a very common fetish. Many young boys have their first sexual urges and excitement from touching and even trying on their mother's or sister's bra, panties, or pantyhose. Again, this is exploring the mysterious world that is the female. Many adult men never outgrow this fascination or excitement. By wearing these articles of female clothing, it is natural for this to cause submissive desires within you and cause you to want to submit to the female. You have laid aside your macho male personality and ego and have embraced that which is feminine and forbidden by society. This causes your submission to stir within you. It says to you "If the mere clothing of a woman has this power over me, how much more power would the female herself have over me?"
Of course, each person's desires and fetishes differ based on their own nature and their own life experiences. Yours many not fall exactly in the model that I set forth above but from my experience with submissive men, I am sure that there is a lot of this within your particular fetish and desire. The bottom line is that it is common and it is not abnormal. Just be careful not to take these desires to an extreme where it affects your ability to function within the society that you live. Keep these desire to yourself until you have the kind of relationship with a woman where you can share them with her and allow her to help you to explore these desires in more detail in the privacy of your home.
Q. Elise, you have discussed the topic of Forced Feminization from the submissive male point of view as far as why he has these desires. However, why do women like to force feminize a man? I find that I love to force feminize my husband and have my way with him. I have read forums on the Net from other women who like to FF their men as well. Could you give us some insight on why Dominant women like FF?
A. I think it is because deep inside women love seeing the feminine conqueror the masculine. Feminizing a man is the ultimate symbol of the feminine defeating the masculine. That is a rare feat in our society. We are so use to seeing the masculine having his way with the feminine. That is why it can be such a rush for a woman to feminize a man. It causes a woman's dominant energy to really flow out of her as she does this. She loves to humiliate and degrade her man and she loves the social statement it makes at the same time.
Forced feminization allows a woman to be more aggressive. FF causes a man to become very weak and submissive. His ability to resist and object go by the way side and he is very vulnerable. Women love this because now they can do whatever they want with their helpless victim. Now the woman can be the aggressor and she can have her way with the man. The man is not threatening to her and she no longer fears his strength or masculinity. Women have told me that they have a very strong desire to take a man very forcefully with a strap-on dildo when he is feminized. The desire to rape the feminized man becomes very real to the aggressive female and the actual act becomes very satisfying to her. Again, it sends such a message to the man and society. It says that the woman is the aggressor and the giver and the man is the weaker sex and the receiver.
FF may become very attractive to a woman who has been abused by a man before. Some women fear men due to being mistreated and abused and feminizing a man causes the man not to be intimidating to her. Now she can have her way with him because he is just a little sissy boy. Like so many things about this lifestyle, it is hard to pinpoint for sure why we love to feminize a man but this we do know. There is something inside of a woman that is excited by the thought and activity of making the masculine submit to the feminine through forced feminization.
Q. I have a couple of questions for you, Elise. I am a dominant woman. I am a big woman as I am a body builder. I have a very feminine and pretty face but my body is muscular and powerful. I have won competitions in weight lifting and in body building. My best feature is my powerful legs and thighs as I can squat more weight then most men.
Over the years, I have attracted mostly mousy type men. Do you think it is because of my physique and my sport that has drawn these kind of men to me over the years? I have dated a lot of them and they all have been submissive, which I love but most have been too mousy for me. These men were all passive in bed and they wanted me to do all the work. That is my first question.
I finally found a submissive man that I liked and I married him two years ago. He was not mousy at all when we dated. He was also a body builder and he was very masculine. We got involved in the D&S community and I became the Dom in our relationship. That was natural to me and I love dominating. We are members of a D&S group that is pan-sexual and I dominate both men and women at our play parties. My big thing is dildo and strap-on play. I love to strap-on a dildo and take men up their asses and women in their pussies. My husband's favorite thing in the whole world is to watch me fuck another woman with my strap-on. Because I am so muscular and fit, I have both men and women lining up for my attention at our play parties. They all want me to use my strap-on and dildoes on them and I enjoy this as well.
My other question to you involves my husband. Lately, he is becoming a mouse and a wimp of a man around me. He wants me to de-masculine him and sissify him. All he ever wants is for me to use my strap-on when we have sex. He also loves to orally service me and for me to crush his head with my thighs but he wants me to forbid intercourse. He does not want to have intercourse with me any more because he wants me to strip him of his masculinity. My husband is average to large in the penis size department, so this surprises me. We always enjoyed intercourse with each other. Most of the mousy men I dated before my husband had puny dicks and I understood why they wanted me to deny them orgasms and intercourse but my husband is not like these other men. Yet, he now is starting to act just like them. There must be something about me that causes men to act this way and to desire to be treated this way. Do you have any idea? I am more than willing to feminize my husband and make him into a sissy if that is what he needs but I was just wondering what are the psychological reasons for this.
A. One of the biggest misconceptions out there about orgasm denial and even cuckolding, is that only men with small and inadequate penises desire these things. I check out a lot of web sites because people are always sending the addresses to me to get my opinion. I chuckle when I see different sites and discussion boards trying to explain what cuckolding is or why a man wants to be denied orgasms. While it is true that a man with a small penis may be more open to these things because he has suffered some humiliation in the past and over time this humiliation has become a fetish or a submissive desire.
However, a lot of average sized and even well endowed men also want to have their orgasms controlled by a Dominant Female. Men with average to large size penises also desire to be forced feminized, cuckolded and denied. That is because a man's submission is a part of his nature and it is mental and it is not all about sex or the physical.
A man wants to be ruled and controlled by a dominant woman. He wants to be forbidden sexual pleasure while his Wife or Mistress enjoys as much pleasure as she desires. It is all about a power exchange and it is a mind game. The domination of a man is primarily about the domination of the man's mind. Forced feminization, orgasm denial and cuckolding are about submission. They are about a man submitting his all to his Queen. He wants to be stripped of his masculinity because he wants the Feminine to overpower the masculine. That is what a lot of Dominant women want as well. That is why women write to me to tell me how much they love to feminize their husbands.
There are many Psychological and Sociological reasons why more and more men are having these desires. As women gain in power and authority, men's submissive natures are becoming stronger. You have invaded and conquered a man's world by being a successful weight lifter and bodybuilder. While you probably only compete against other women, the fact still remains that you have succeeded in what was formerly a male's sport. You are strong and you are muscular, but you also maintain your feminine look and beauty at the same time. Thus, you set off a powerful aura and message and when men see you, their submissive natures stir. The so-called mousy male is so overtaken by your powerful image that he is drawn to you and he wants to serve you. Those men may not be mousy in their other relationships but you represented a powerful woman to them and they didn't want to be your equal.
Your husband may have been at a different place in his submissive nature but he was still a submissive man. Why do you think he was drawn to you? He could have dated weaker women but he wanted you, a powerful woman. Just because he has a great body and looks masculine, does not mean that he isn't submissive. You cannot judge a book by its cover. Most submissive men do not look submissive on the outside. Many submissive men give a very masculine appearance. Likewise, some mousy looking males have a Napoleon complex and can be very abusive in a relationship. They bully people emotionally to over compensate for their smaller bodies or a small penis. Have you ever noticed how many short and bald men are very successful in the business world? That is not an accident. These men were probably rejected by women most of their young lives. So they tackled and conquered the business world and got the beautiful woman through their money and position.
Regardless what a man looks like on the outside, if he is confronted with a powerful woman (be she physically powerful, intellectually powerful or sexually powerful) his submission is stirred and he becomes weak in her presence. Now that your husband has lived with you for a couple of years and has watched your dominance and power over other men and women, his submissive nature has grown to the place where he no longer sees himself as being capable of being your equal. He now wants your feminine power to overpower his masculinity and strip him completely of it. He wants you to conqueror him. He wants to yield all control over to you. At this point, you really have no choice but to accept his submission and to take the power from him.
Explore his desire to be your sissy. The two of you are married so you have the security of your marriage and your home to safely explore this desire within him. I think you will enjoy this as much, if not more, than he does. This will be different from those other men because they presented no challenge to you. Your husband is a true conquest of yours. You have taken him to this place with your dominance. Now it is time for you to enjoy his submission and for the both of you to continue to experience growth as a Dominant Female and a submissive male.
Q. I found your website very interesting, and informative. It is clearly nice to see an extremely intelligent woman whom understands the psychology of dominance/submissiveness in human sexuality.
I have been single for over a year and have not dated anyone except for an old lover from 10 years ago. My last relationship was very hard and abusive, he was alcoholic and was your typical Dr. Jeykll /Mr Hide. I was able to free myself from that situation. Since then I have gone out to the local pubs, movies etc..to socialize. This is where I met Michael....
Michael and I have spoken on a friendship basis for a year, he was married, is now divorced. He asked me out in the beginning of Dec.2001. I never looked at him in a "romantic" sense, for he was not my traditional physical type. We have been seeing each other since...the passion has been aroused in both of us. He told me many secrets, as I have him. He has been in the scene, so to speak for 20 years. He sees the potential in me to be the best he has ever submitted to. I know it is in me, I had a couple of dabblings, he is bringing out the Dominant female in me. I do not want to look like a fool in front of someone who has this much experience. How can I impress him? How can I bring out the tigress in me that is dying to be set free? I know I am about to enter a world that I have always been fascinated by, and drawn to, I am very aggressive in business and other matters. I tend to be noticed, I am 41 years old, and very sensual. I want to show him this side with all the gusto I can muster. Your advice will highly appreciated.
I know that in any relationship trust is a major factor, I trust him whole heatedly, as he must me for he shared with me that he is also a cross dresser. He dressed for me for the first time a week ago. He was beautiful as Michelle. He does not want to be with a male, he worships the female body, he loves the feel of silk, satin, leather and spandex against his skin. I have to admit that I was very enticed. I have always been a very open person about sexual preferences, and do not look down upon anyone's choice in life. It is personal and should remain so. The female form is absolutely beautiful and sexual, though I do not have any longings to be with a female, when he dresses it is a turn on. Will this work in a submissive/dominant relationship?
A. Most women start out knowing less than their submissive partners when it comes to this lifestyle. Most submissive men have been on a journey since puberty trying to explore and understand their submissive desires. Most women discover their true dominant natures later in life as it usually takes a submissive male to seduce that nature and to draw it out of a woman.
You are at the perfect age to explore your dominant persona. Most women suppress their dominant and aggressive desires because society has programmed them to be submissive toward men. But wisdom comes with experience and after a failed relationship or two, a woman begins to realize that she is better equipped to be the dominant partner within a relationship. That is why most dominant women do not embrace the female domination lifestyle until they are in their thirties, forties or even in their fifties.
So the submissive male has quite a head start when it comes to his knowledge about his submissive desires then does a dominant woman who is only now beginning to unleash that Tigress within. The good news is that your growth will accelerate and eventually, you will surpass your man in both knowledge and in your hunger for more control over him. For now, feed off of his submissive nature and learn from him.
Don't allow him to Top you from below but keep the lines of communication open with him and learn from him. The more you dominate him, the more he will desire to submit to you. That will feed your nature and you will experience growth. Also, begin to do your own research about this lifestyle through reading D&S and FemDom books and publications. Before you know it, you will catch up with his level of knowledge as you participate in this lifestyle and eventually you will surpass him. I have seen it happen time and time again. So just relax and enjoy the journey.
Cross-dressing is perfectly compatible within a Female Domination relationship. You will be able to explore this desire within him within the privacy of your home. A lot of women feel the same way you do. They enjoy feminizing a man and making him into a male lesbian. They feel powerful over the man and he seems less threatening to them when he is feminized. That is especially true if the woman was in an abusive relationship (like you said that you were). I can see where you would get excited and feel dominant when your boyfriend is dressed feminine. You like men and you sexually desire a man but the cross-dressing and the feminization allows you to explore the best of both the masculine and the feminine. Again, as long as the two of you keep this confined to the privacy of your home, you should be free to enjoy each other within a loving relationship. I do wish you all the best.
Q. My husband recently wrote and asked you to explain the difference between discipline and punishment. We both wish to thank you for the information you extended to us, as well as your other readers. Not only did it "inform" him, but I have been able to use your information to further my "interests" as well. I find everything you pass along to your readers to be quite informative, and I wish to personally thank you for your efforts.
I have another question for you. Why are men so afraid of a bra and a pair of panties? Going back to my husbands question, I have found lingerie to be an excellent way to discipline and/or punish my husband, and I don't really know why. When I go lingerie shopping, I have him go with me, and hold bras, panties, etc. for me while I look around, or while I am in a fitting room.
He's really a sight to behold, and hates it. But it is when I make him put on these things, that he really caves in to whatever I desire. Why is this? It's just a little underwear. I wouldn't have a problem putting on his underwear, so why should he have such a problem with mine? Truly Elise, I am not totally ignorant about this, but I would really appreciate hearing your insight, if you don't mind.
A. There are two different questions here. Why he is afraid to be seen holding female lingerie in public and why he is humiliated when you make him wear female lingerie at home?
The former has to do with his male ego and male pride. He is embarrassed about how other men (and women) will view him if they see him holding women's undergarments. He is afraid that men will view him as being a wimp of a husband who is drug around by the nose by his wife. His other fear of being seen in public at a lingerie store is he is afraid of being viewed as a "sissy" or being viewed as being "gay". Most men have a real homophobia.
The fear of being forced feminized at home runs much deeper. While the public scene is based on his worry of what others may think, the forced feminization is the reality that you are the dominant partner and that he must surrender his male ego and macho ways over to you. It is the realization that the feminine has conquered the masculine and that he will become helpless before you. When a man is forced feminized, it is almost like what Kryptonite is to Superman. He becomes weak as he is consumed with embarrassment and shame. Women like this because it makes the male less intimidating with he is feminized and he is easier to control and dominate when he is in such a vulnerable state.
Now keep in mind that I am talking about forced feminization here, which is what you are describing. Cross-dressing is different and the man who desires to dress in woman's lingerie reacts totally different than the man who fears woman's lingerie. Not all men fear it. Some men would become very aroused to be forced to stand in a lingerie store and hold women's undergarments. Some submissive men would love to go lingerie shopping with a woman. These men are not necessarily gay either. I have met quite a lot of heterosexual men whose submissive nature expressed itself in the desire to wear woman's lingerie. But your husband obviously does not fall into that category.
Why does your husband feel embarrassed and shame when you feminize him? It is because he is trying to hold onto his masculinity. He probably enjoys being in submission to you but he still wants to maintain some of his male pride and masculinity. Some dominant women like for their husbands to keep some masculinity whereas other women want to strip their men of all masculinity. It boils down to what you want out of him as a dominant wife. If you want to strip him of most of his masculinity, then forced feminization is a great way to do it.
The more you make him wear female lingerie, the sooner he will overcome his inhibitions and begin to feel more comfortable. Eventually he will be broken and he will surrender to your will in this area. Each time you feminize him, he will lose more resistance to it and he will submit more to your desires. Eventually, he will overcome his shame and embarrassment and who knows, he may begin to enjoy it. When that happens, the public outings to the lingerie store will become an exciting and positive experience for him.
Q. Dear Ms Sutton, I just recently came across your most interesting site and have read almost everything on it. I am impressed that you care enough to keep this website free of charge for those aficionados of the dark corners of passion.
What I am compelled by is sissy training, and your take of it seems to me to be slightly off the mark. Your take on feminization is that it is, I gather, that of the Feminine besting the masculine by making the man into a Woman or at least an aspiring woman, aspiring in vain, of course. That I go along with. I can see how the transformed male can be led to believe that he is somehow not worthy of the lingerie he is wearing. He is then a submissive sissy and humiliated because of his weakness and inferiority. But why is this necessarily a defeat of masculinity since the male is no longer a male in his own eyes? He is now closer to being a woman and a humiliated one at that.
I wish to humbly suggest that the term "feminization" is a misnomer. The process, it seems to me, at work here is emasculation not feminization. It is theft by the dominant woman of the man's manhood. He is now less than a man to the dominant woman and, so, contemptible to her. Her contempt justifies the punishment he deserves to receive by her hands. That may be arousing to her.
Yet the man's psychology is that because he is no longer a real man, his transformation gives him the freedom to enjoy his pain and submission, but as a woman now. The man in him has disappeared and he can bask in his femininity, have his cake and eat it too, even play out in his own mind the sadistic as well as the masochistic elements in the equation. There are some men, I'm sure you would agree, who can only be submissive in drag so that they are able to protect their male identity. He wins by losing, so to speak-which is the logic of all masochism, isn't it?
Thank you for your fascinating website and your obvious compassion and love.
A. That is an excellent observation. The emasculation of the male is a major component of the practice known as forced feminization. What you are addressing is what takes place within the psyche of the male when he is being feminized. What I was addressing when I talked about the feminine conquering the masculine is what takes place within the psyche of the female. To the female, a man who is emasculated through forced feminization is less intimidating to her. A woman who feminizes her man does feel powerful and sexually aroused at the societal and psychological implications of the masculine yielding to the feminine by submitting to this practice.
What you are accurately describing is what occurs within the psyche of feminized male. To the male, forced feminization could be classified as humiliation play as he is being emasculated in front of a woman (or women) and thus this stirs his submissive desires to submit to the female as she is stimulating his psychological triggers through the process of emasculating him. Of course these are generalizations.
What you must keep in mind is that D&S activities have different meanings to different people based on their unique sexual and psychological make-ups. What you experience by being feminized may be totally different than what another man experiences. To a lot of men, forced feminization is the practice of being emasculated but to other men, it is the exploration of the exciting (and forbidden) world of the feminine. That is why terminology is a general classification and not law. As is the case with the terms punishment and discipline, the terms feminization, emasculation, and cross-dressing can be intermingled based on the specific desires of those who practice these activities.
Nevertheless, I agree with your overall observations about what transpires within the psyche of most submissive men when he is being feminized. Most of the men I have counseled and interviewed about what they experience when being feminized do testify to the fact that they enjoy being humiliated and emasculated by the superior female. Other men will say that they have always found the world of the feminine (soft lingerie and undergarments, cosmetics, etc) to be exciting and thus being feminized allows them to experience the thrill of being immersed in the feminine. And some men experience a combination of all of the above. Again, each person is unique with their own unique sexual and psychological triggers. It is the variety of the female domination lifestyle that makes it so exciting.