Real Life Stories - March 2009 (best of Elise series)
From Carl M:
Dear Ms. Sutton: Please accept a kind and supportive word for the time and effort you put into your websites and books. Your work truly is a valuable resource on many levels. I particularly enjoy the real life experiences, as they add a tangible dimension to the lifestyle you advocate. Your follow-up comments are always very well-reasoned, defensible, supportive, and enlightening.
In my case, your work has provided me with a good framework within which to view a number of my life experiences and benefit from them more fully than I otherwise could. One experience in particular has come to resonate with me for reasons I hope to share. This, perhaps good example of why we should be sympathetic toward others (or at least appear that way), took place during my formative years in the early 1970s, when I lived with my career-oriented mother in a progressive neighborhood of a large eastern city.
I wasn’t allowed to watch much television as a child, but one day when I was about twelve I chanced upon an episode of a then-popular program. The details of the plot and the program’s title escape me (it may have been "The Courtship of Eddie’s Father"), but the program had an undeniable "Taming of the Shrew" theme. A young girl was taught humility by being forced to participate in an Asian-themed dinner service. She and the kimono-clad female housekeeper prepare and serve a meal to the men in the family, who dine while the females stand attentively at their sides. After the men have completed their meal and depart, the females clear the table and wash dishes, etc. Only after all the male needs have been fully attended to do the females permit themselves to relax and eat.
Mom was incensed at this broadcast, and wrote the local TV station, requesting that it not be shown again, as it presented a negative stereotype of women (I don’t know if she received a reply). And she was not pleased with my amused reaction to the girl’s experience. I don’t recall precisely what I said or how I felt, but it must have been something akin to how the girl got what she deserved, and how I wished I lived in the good old days before women’s lib robbed a man of the right to be king of his castle. Mom worked full time in an era before daycare was common, and thus relied on my mature acceptance of a heavy chore burden. And so she reasoned that if I was exposed to the stereotype that this was women’s work, I would become rebellious. So she planned a little lesson in humility of my own.
By about the fifth grade I had a pretty good sense that I was fortunate to be living in the 1970s and not the 1870s. Though the private school I attended was fairly strict, the occasional ruler I got across my buttocks was comical when compared to the thrashings given a century prior. And the simple uniforms we had to wear were loungewear compared with the elaborate suits that were once popular with the well-to-do. So mom reasoned that a good way to break me free from some old-fashioned attitudes about roles for women and men was to teach me firsthand what the old-fashioned world was really like. After a few visits to Woolworth’s and the local Salvation Army thrift store (there was then no such thing as "vintage clothing" or ebay), she was ready.
Sunday mornings after church were usually a quiet time. My reward for obedience at mass was a jumbo soft pretzel (a commodity I think sadly unknown outside a few eastern cities), which I enjoyed, replete with mustard, while indulging in leisure pursuits. Mom lost herself in the Sunday broadsheet until about noontime, when she often met a friend to either shop, visit a gallery/museum, or both. Sunday afternoon was her private time; unless I was erstwhile occupied, I was automatically grounded and expected to do my homework (or in the summer, read a book she assigned) in her absence. She would call at random times from pay phones to make certain I was indeed home.
But one Sunday morning was different. We arrived home from church, and I went to change into the sweatsuit I normally wore around the house, when mom stopped me. She asked me if I remembered the television episode I saw a few weeks earlier, and asked me why I thought it was funny that the girl had been forced to serve the men. I couldn’t say much except that I did remember the show, and tried to deny my amusement at the girl’s predicament.
Mom told me to remove my Sunday best, and asked me if I had ever heard of Little Lord Fauntleroy. I admitted to familiarity with the name, and only knowing that he was some snobby boy who dressed like a sissy. Mom told me I was partially correct. She explained that Cedric, the character in the novel, was a late-19th century heir who dressed no differently than any other aristocratic boy in the era when men were real men and women stayed home where they belonged. She asserted that Fauntleroy suits were once status symbols, and that it might do me some good to try one on. So she reached into her dresser and began to pull out some items that would adjust my attitude. I was average size for my age (which is to say, about the size of a petite adult woman), so finding an ensemble that resembled a historically accurate Fauntleroy suit was fairly easy.
Mom could not easily replicate the over-the-shoulder stocking supporters that boys wore a hundred years prior, so she made do with a garter belt and trouser suspenders. I put this harness-like contraption on. Next came a pair of white stockings.
Mom had a very frilly white blouse with a bow tie neckline that came next. I put it on but, as it buttoned at the back, mom buttoned it for me and tied the bow under my chin. The closest thing she could find to the velvet shorts my outfit prescribed was a black velvet halter top jumpsuit that came next. (Fauntleroy shorts buttoned to the blouse and were beltless, mom explained, so regular shorts would not have been appropriate.) She rolled the legs up to my knees, and safety-pinned them, to simulate shorts.
Next came a pair of Mary Janes, and one of mom’s winter scarves that simulated a waist sash. A feminine, round-collared suit jacket followed. A blonde wig from a girl’s Halloween costume came after this, and atop that went a sailor’s cap with a chin strap.
I looked and felt positively ridiculous, but mom assured me I had nothing to be ashamed of, as my outfit was true to what a boy my age would have worn a century earlier. She explained that aristocratic boys until about age 8-10 dressed entirely as girls, and that outfits like mine represented a transition into manhood, and were typically worn into teen years, when boys got their first long trousers.
The emotional cacophony I felt is almost beyond words. On one hand, I knew what I said and felt toward the girl on TV (and women in general) was insensitive. Hence I wasn’t resentful toward a punishment; I knew one was coming, and was somewhat relieved that I was getting this experience over with. But I was embarrassed and uncomfortable, and concerned with what mom would do with me in this costume, who she would tell, and who would see me.
Mom’s demeanor seemed more determined than angry, so I wasn’t fearful. I knew better than to resist or cry. And this wasn’t the first time she had dressed me in a costume, as I had acted in some class plays before (roles like an elf at Christmastime), and had recently dressed as George Washington on "Who am I?" day at school (profoundly embarrassing, as ALL the other boys had costumed as sports figures. It was the girls who had costumed as presidents, astronauts, and scientists).
If I had to use one word to describe my feelings, I would say I was numbed. By this point in my life I had developed a curiosity for feminine attire, and had spent more than a few Sundays surreptitiously rummaging through mom’s lingerie drawer and trying on her pantyhose, negligees, and shoes. She never admitted to knowing this. So perhaps my overwhelming feeling was confusion as to why I was being punished in this particular manner at this particular time. I was troubled by the conflicting emotions I felt. I was intrigued by the sensuality of the nylons and silky blouse, but was unable to overtly accept these feelings. I pretended to be angry, but only because I thought that was what mom expected, and hoped that if she saw my anger, she would feel that I had learned whatever lesson she wanted me to learn, and would thus end the punishment and allow me to escape the confusion I was feeling. I wondered if this humiliation was mom’s way of curing me of my urge to delve into her lingerie drawer by making me confront this desire in her presence. Or perhaps the opposite was true. Perhaps she felt that my curiosity was normal, and she was giving me a way to explore my desires within some limits acceptable to her, and without embarrassing me by admitting she knew what I was doing in her absence. Not knowing was the true punishment for me, and I knew better than to ask.
Mom took me to the kitchen and filled a teapot with water, placed it on the stove, and told me to place about a dozen cookies on a serving dish while she changed into one of her negligee/robe ensembles. I watched the water; when it boiled I shut the gas off. Mom returned and told me to make her a cup of tea, and to bring the tea, cookies, and a table napkin to her on the serving dish. I did so. Mom was lounging comfortably on the couch with a book and told me to stand at her side with the dish in arm’s reach.
She sampled the tea and cookies but seemed totally engrossed by her book. I asked for a cookie and was told that they were hers. I asked to use the restroom and was told to wait. I told her I was getting tired of holding the tray. She told me she was getting tired of my complaining and said I should stand straight, not turn to look at the clock, or fidget. From then on, I was shushed the minute I made a sound. So I accepted my situation and just stood there.
After about a half hour, mom placed the book down, told me to get rid of the dish, and come back to see her. I did. She asked me if I still thought it was funny that the woman on the TV had punished the girl by forcing her to serve dinner to the men, and wait while they ate. She asked me if I thought housework was a woman’s job. She asked me if I found it funny that Japanese women were wrapped in kimonos so tightly that they could barely breathe, and had their feet bound so they could not walk comfortably. And she asked me if I enjoyed being a servant, if I wanted to be a butler or valet when I grew up. In all cases I answered no. So since I was seemingly sincere in my contrition, mom gave me the big hug she always gave after a punishment, and went to get dressed to meet her friend Gwen for a shopping date.
Before she left the house though, she took a length of ribbon left over from the holiday gift giving season, and ran a loop through the strap and buckle of each of my shoes, through a buttonhole and around a button of my blouse, and along the chin strap of my sailor’s hat, in all cases, to prohibit removal without detection. Mom said I looked cute in my Fauntleroy costume, wanted me to do my homework in it, and wanted to be certain that I wouldn’t remove it in her absence. I needed the ability to remove the jumpsuit to use the restroom, but with the blouse and shoes essentially locked on me, I couldn’t remove the stockings or supporters.
Mom left to meet Gwen, returned home later that afternoon, and made me wear the costume until I bathed that evening. Halloween was not far off, and as I headed toward the shower mom commented that if I expressed any more sexist thoughts in the near future she would make me trick or treat dressed as I had been that afternoon. Needless to say, I was on my best behavior afterward.
So decades passed and I discovered your websites and book. Most compelling I thought were several very pointed statements you or other women involved in your research made, among them the woman who described communication within her relationship as "We discuss, I decide, he obeys", the woman who enjoyed the many "productive discussions" she had with her husband while he was disciplined on a wooden horse, and the woman who turned her husband’s "shocking" secret pantyhose fetish into a behavior modification tool. I was also drawn to your assertion that there is no such thing as equality in a relationship. One person needs to be in charge. Decisions need to be made, a course of action needs to be set, and for the many convincing reasons you give, women should be the determinants.
Based on my own experiences, and my observations of others, I believe you are correct. Women have the communication and organizational skills that give them the upper hand in today’s world, and should clearly hold the leadership roles, particularly in relationships and domestic situations. I admire the frankness with which you discuss the natural sensual power that women (perhaps sometimes unknowingly) possess. Developing and using this power seems to be key to transcending the tipping point at which male submissive curiosity and roleplaying becomes a deeply satisfying emotional commitment. Men admire powerful women, and it is pointless and counterproductive for any man to deny or question that. You are squarely on your mark, and for all the reasons you mention, this is increasingly becoming a woman’s world.
In the case of my upbringing, mom was loving and nurturing in many ways (intellectually, spiritually, emotionally) but was also demanding of my academic performance, authoritarian about the house, and quite unrelenting in doling out some severe and very old-fashioned punishments. But like many men I suppose, once I grew up and moved out on my own, I lost much of this sense of discipline and respect for women.
I was in for a pretty rude awakening when I moved into Anna’s condo with her. It took only a few days of cohabitation for me to realize how firmly in charge of our relationship Anna was, and how high a bar of expectation I was expected to reach. She insisted that I be accessible, supportive, and obedient at all times and in all ways. She set the domestic agenda, handled the financial affairs, and demanded that the house be spotless and in perfect order. Anna was quite simply in charge of our life together, and found it inconceivable that I would question that, or have any expectations to the contrary.
I was attracted by Anna’s powerful nature, but this was long before the internet put a broad range of information and opinion at one’s fingertips. So although Anna was curious about what she felt was kinky, she had not really explored this curiosity and it was I who actually introduced her to the concept of domestic discipline and encouraged her to be as strict as she wanted. I knew she had embraced her newly discovered power when, to my surprise, shortly after we began our cohabitation, she very casually after dinner one evening led me to the bedroom, had me strip and get on all fours on the bed, and delivered about twenty no-nonsense cane strokes - for eating too quickly, slouching, under appreciating her cooking, and ignoring her conversation at the dinner table. I was a bit shocked and teary, but obviously more attentive to her needs after that.
Your work is refreshing and inspiring in that, through your research, by documenting the experiences of others, and by presenting mainstream media articles and backup material, you create a comfort zone in which the vast array of emotions and desires of lifestyle female supremacy and male submission can be explored and reconciled. Thus connecting the dots of my life’s experiences has become easier. I should have more viewed some of my childhood experiences, such as being dressed in a Fauntleroy suit, as training for later life, rather than a situation to outgrow.
Elise’s response:
Carl, you were raised by a very wise Mother. She taught you to respect women and that is not always done within a single Mom household. She did not allow the television to raise her son, she raised you and she instilled in you her feminist values. And today, you are a better man for it. You sought for a partner who was the kind of woman who would also demand and expect respect from you. Thus you find yourself happy and content within a FemDom relationship.
Disciplining a child is really about teaching a child. Your mother saw your sexist attitudes as an opportunity for her to teach you a valuable life lesson. People are always asking Psychologists, Pastors and Counselors about the proper way to discipline a child. I think the answer always comes in the form of the parent’s motivation. To strike out at a son or daughter in anger is wrong, no matter if it involves physical punishment or grounding them. But your mother handled you the correct way. She used your discipline as a means of teaching you a life lesson, a lesson you have not forgotten even to this day, a lesson that made you a more thoughtful and considerate male.
Her method of discipline also required lots of thought and effort on her part. It is easy to spank or ground a child but it takes real parenting to devise a punishment that will teach a child. And in the end, whether a woman is disciplining the child she loves or disciplining her husband, the purpose of discipline is to train and to teach. Your mother knew this and you are one blessed man, and Anna is a blessed woman because she gets to build upon the foundation that your mother established in your life. Best wishes.
From Lisa R:
My name is Lisa and my husband of 12 years is Tom. This is a big THANK YOU to your website for helping us to discover a Female Led relationship style that worked for us. Tom is 41 and works as a Rep for a pharmaceutical company while I teach grade 6. We have two beautiful daughters that are 11 and 8 and live a very comfortable life in a suburb of Buffalo.
Our lives changed for good 2 years ago when I took control of our marriage for the betterment of all concerned. I am not a prude or inexperienced sexually but I was shocked 5 years ago when I discovered Tom visited BDSM sites on the internet. I confronted him and he promised to never do it again but it continued to occur every 5 or 6 months from then on. In addition, our once wonderful sex life was down to a few times a month and then to a few times a year. I felt my life spinning out of control but I loved him and our kids so I knew we had to make changes to stay together.
We did all the normal things couples do like create a date night once a month and we both began to exercise to try and lose the extra weight we had both put on but it just wasn’t changing things enough. After several long talks with Tom about his fascination with Domination and submission I agreed to give it a try but only on my terms. I refused to become some sort of whip wielding bitch in a leather outfit to satisfy Tom’s fantasy of Female Domination. I found that to be more then just a little ridiculous. If he wanted me to be the Dominant partner in our marriage then he would have to accept it on my terms in a way that was not noticeable to our kids, family and friends.
With the help of several of Tom’s favorite Female Superiority websites, especially yours, I was able to separate fantasy domination from real life control. I decided that we would give Female Domination an honest
try but I warned Tom that if I heard one word about whips and chains I would immediately stop this experiment. My first goal was to insure that this lifestyle change benefited me at least as much if not more then Tom. My goal was to ease my workload at home as Tom was not as big a help as he should be and to get my sex life back. I had Tom agree that I would take control of the household and our sex life in all respects. That meant we discussed all things but I had the final say on all decisions.
Step number one was the household chores. I felt that while Tom did chores around the home it was only when I told him to do them. He took no responsibility or initiative at home and if I didn’t nag him to help he never would. I told Tom that each Sunday night after the kids went to bed the two of us would sit down and plan the weeks work schedule. For the first two weeks I helped him devise a schedule as I doubted he even understood what needed to be done on a weekly basis. After that he was to have a schedule prepared in advance each Sunday night which I would approve or amend as I saw fit. I also added home improvement projects if I thought we needed something extra done around the home. The majority of the household tasks would not only have set days for completion but Tom was now the primary housekeeper. I would continue to do the majority of the cooking as I was home earlier however all post meal clean up, all laundry, more then 50% of the weekly cleaning and all yard work excluding my garden was now his responsibility. Kid’s lunches for school were shared as was preparing breakfast for them.
In keeping with our Female Dominant theme there are consequences for not completing tasks without being told or for doing a poor job of them. Minor offences are handled with a loss of privileges. Tom is a huge sports fan. Basketball, football, baseball, tennis, golf! You name it and he watches it or plays it. If he does not do his chores on schedule or does them poorly he is not allowed to watch TV. If it was more then one or two issues in a week he will lose tennis or golf with his buddies or some other thing he values inside or outside of the home. No exceptions are allowed. The schedule is agreed to on Sundays and must be completed as assigned.
Step two was to fire up our sex life. For this I knew that I would have to be a bit more creative and kinky but I still intended to maintain full control and have it benefit me. I gave Tom a curfew for coming to bed nightly so that he wasn’t up all night watching sports or God knows what. I wasn’t a total bitch about it as I understand he enjoys his Sunday and Monday night football as well as other sports in other seasons. I work around his schedule by allowing him two nights per week of his choice, provided I don’t have something planned for us already, to watch games. On all other nights bedtime is either 10 or 10:30. By leaving him some free time to stay up late and watch games on certain nights I have also made sure I have something to take away if I want to punish him. On all the other nights he is there to please me in bed.
He has different duties each night. Some nights it’s a massage, some nights he pleases me with oral sex. Some nights we just cuddle but the point is my pleasure is the most important thing. Tom is not allowed to orgasm although I often tease him to near orgasm with my hands or if he is being a very good boy, my mouth. By not allowing Tom to orgasm except when I say it’s OK I now control the most important thing to every man – his penis.
To play on his Dominant-submissive fantasies I sometimes tie his wrists to the bedposts or have him lie on his back while I straddle his face to give me oral.
We have gradually increased things over the past two years so that we have more of a BDSM feel to the relationship to meet Tom’s needs and more day to day control to meet my needs because quite frankly I have
really started to enjoy the control much more then I expected. We have invested in a few toys including a paddle, wrist and ankle cuffs, a collar and leash and a chastity cage. While we rarely use these toys
because of the kids being in the home I do break them out every month or two and have actually learned to enjoy these sessions. Bondage and paddling are the extent of our kink but believe me, when I punish Tom
he knows he’s been punished.
For me that’s a big change as I used to be totally turned off by that aspect of his fantasy. What I have found though is that in moderation (and only when I feel like it) I have really started to enjoy the BDSM play. On a more subtle level I exercise my Domination by requiring Tom to keep his genitals clean shaven, to sit when he pees and if the mood strikes me or as a part of a punishment I have him wear a nice pair of ladies panties a day or two a week. I actually had him pick out his own panties at a department store. What I have discovered is that when wearing them, Tom is constantly reminded that I have the power. I have found that the satin feel panties are best. My increased control over the past few months means that Tom must now ask for permission to go out with friends or to go golfing or play tennis. On large purchases he gives input but I make the final decision. He doesn’t mind. He gets a weekly allowance in cash and must request permission to use his credit card for anything but gas or necessary purchases for our girls.
Our latest addition is a punishment day that I call the "24 hours of complete submission". This is used for a build up of poor performances over a month or two even though he has previously lost privileges for any of these infractions at the time they happened. This is a chance for him to indulge his Dominant-submissive fantasy to a greater level and for me to have some fun with the more obvious BDSM aspects of our relationship. This usually occurs when the girls are at their grandparents for the night.
From 6PM one day to 6PM the next day Tom is mine. During these time periods he must ask permission for everything from having a drink to using the bathroom to what he wears. No exceptions! Even if he is out of the house and wants to pee he needs to call me on his phone and ask permission. Sometimes I say no and have him call back in 10 minutes just to torture him. At home he is kept naked for the entire 24 except for his chastity cage and any other bondage gear I have him wear hours unless we have company. The great benefit of the chastity cage is that along with not being able to achieve an erection Tom must sit to pee like a woman does. No more drops around the toilet or on the seat.
Out of the house he wears his chastity cage and panties under his clothes. If we happen to be out of town where we are not known and go to a restaurant I order for him and will often tell the waiter or
waitress when they bring the bill to give it to me as my husband is not allowed to carry money. The looks Tom gets are priceless! Tom is also only allowed to orgasm inside me and only once every week. No masturbation ever! If I think he is abusing himself I will use the chastity cage and extend our times between sex to two weeks or even more. After all I’m getting relief from his tongue any time I want so I have no problem waiting for intercourse. It is actually a very entertaining 24 hours for both of us and reminds both of us why we don’t live that type of BDSM lifestyle.
Is my husband less of a man because he submits to me? No! He is actually more of a man because he can follow the leadership of someone he loves and trust me to protect him and to love him. I am so happy now in the way we have changed our lives. We have both lost weight because we now have the discipline to stick to an exercise program and the desire to please one another. I am much more confident in my life and in my job. Tom is happy and content as submissive husband. Our children are happier because we don’t fight anymore and there is minimal tension in the home. Even our friends see us as more together and more in love.
It is not all due to living a Female Dominant lifestyle but a lot of it is!
Thank you again for your great site. I would encourage all you ladies out there, vanilla or not, to take charge of your home. You don’t have to wear leather and carry a whip to have your hubby under your thumb.
Sometimes all it takes is a little black cocktail dress and a nice pair of shoes. :-)
Elise’s Response:
Lisa, your story just is further proof that if a man wants a FemDom relationship, he needs to submit to his wife on her terms. Female Domination is all about a man serving a woman. It is not about a woman becoming her husband’s fantasy. It is about a man truly dedicating himself to his wife.
Your husband did just that and you were able to embrace the FemDom lifestyle on your terms. And you found that you love it. What woman wouldn’t? Where men fail is when they try to be top from below by expecting the woman to be the fulfillment of their fantasies. But when a man shows a woman the benefits, or in your case when a woman agrees to FemDom as long as it is on her terms, a woman’s dominant nature is awakened and eventually, she may very well desire to try some D&S in the bedroom. That is what happened with you and now you enjoy the D&S as much if not more than your husband, but you keep it limited, which makes it special.
I congratulate you and I hope your story will be a great example to other couples. Take care!
From Sandi P:
Hi Elise, I am married to a wonderful submissive male. We practice a Female Loving Authority lifestyle. Hopefully, by Easter of next year, we will be living as one of 15 couples in our own eco-village operating as a Female Loving Authority Community.
This village is part of a broader community and eco-village but we will have our own part dedicated to our lifestyle. I can’t tell you how exciting it is to see your house and that of your friends going up. The weekend barbeques and seeing our menfolk working on the site has been exhilarating. It has not been an easy road. Australia is a very conservative country despite its very liberal dress and what can be shown in the media it is in fact a very intolerant country.
We have not sought to convert anyone. Life is too short to worry about those (men and women) who have very biased and misinformed views on what we are practicing on a day to day. In forming our group, we learned very early that we cannot afford to have persons in the community who did not share our ideals and had other agendas. It was interesting that the men were less concerned about the women wanting to enter the community. They were more wary of the men and it is interesting that the women after one terrible experience with a woman who was allowed in to the community. I think this more than anything demonstrated to our treasured submissive males that we would protect them from destructive persons be they male or female.
We had a very dear male submissive friend who has a heart of gold and has done much for seriously disabled children in terms of giving his time and money. Unfortunately, he met a prospective female member of our community. She had all the appearances and articulated all expected of a woman who believed in Loving Female Authority. The reality was different. Her agenda was simply financial abuse and degradation of this wonderful man. When we found out her true agenda, the women quickly sorted her out in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately, this experience was bitter for all, especially our friend. I am not certain what we can do as abuse can cause a lot of mistrust and hurt which does not go away easily.
As a dominant Woman who believes in Loving Female Authority relationships, I will NOT stand by and see a genuine and real submissive male being abused or used by any man or woman within our community. This is what it means to be a true Dominant Woman to lead, nurture and protect. For those wonderful submissive males who genuinely wish to serve their Woman, I would like to share these 7 principles that our community holds dear.
1.
You as a submissive male should be proud of this gift that you have.
You as a submissive male should be proud of this gift that you have.2.Your desire to serve the Woman you have chosen is fulfilling, beautiful and will make your life complete.
Your desire to serve the Woman you have chosen is fulfilling, beautiful and will make your life complete.3.Earn Her love and respect but understand in doing so that She will consider you and treat you as her most important treasure and gift from God.
Earn Her love and respect but understand in doing so that She will consider you and treat you as her most important treasure and gift from God.4.Continually look for ways to better serve Her.
Continually look for ways to better serve Her.5.She will love you deeply, nurture you and protect you.
She will love you deeply, nurture you and protect you.6.Look out for Her always and She will look out for you.
Look out for Her always and She will look out for you.7.Live your life to 100% of the potential and abilities that God has given you.
Live your life to 100% of the potential and abilities that God has given you.Elise, I have sent this email to give submissive males the principles that our community lives by. I would ask them to be guided by these principles and understand and love your submissiveness in serving your chosen Woman.
This sign will be prominently displayed in our community house. I hope that these principles can also be displayed in web sites promoting Female Loving Authority.
Elise’s Response:
If I were in Church, I believe my response would be a big “AMEN”. What a wonderful example you and your “sisters” are setting. I hope your community is a success and please keep us updated.
One of the biggest fallacies and misconceptions about Female Domination, Matriarchy or Loving Female Authority is that women in authority will abuse men in the same manner that men have mistreated and abused women within the Patriarchal system. That is simply not true because of the nurturing and loving nature of the Female.
That is not to say that a woman is not capable of abusing or taking advantage of a man. We are all flawed human beings. However, within the Loving Female Authority relationship, the dominant woman more times than not will care for her submissive male. And within a community based on loving female authority, the women will be the first to bring correction where they see a male being abused. That is the nurturing side of the female nature.
Loving Female Authority is based on a win/win relationship. You have framed it within seven beautiful principals. The man who dedicates his life to serving a woman will find peace and contentment and he can trust the female nature to care for him from her position of power and authority. What is great about FemDom support groups or in your case, a FemDom community, is that there is safety in numbers. Thus if a man is led by his lower head (his sex drive) to the place where he cannot discern between consensual, safe, sane FemDom and abuse, other women in the support group/community can bring balance and correction to the situation.
That is what the Christian Church was supposed to be. It was not meant to be an expensive building where people meet once or twice a week to sing songs and hear a sermon. The Church was to be a community based on the principals of Christ (love, forgiveness, teaching each other, helping one another, giving to one another and building relationships with one another). Somehow religion changed that to be fancy buildings and staged productions. Today Church is no different than a show. You hear music, you hear a lecture, you sit on your seat for an hour and you go home. Going to Church is not much different than going to a play or a movie.
What I love about your community is that it is based on Female Authority and not on a dying patriarchal system. You are capturing the true essence of love and it will produce harmony and wonderful relationships. That does not mean all will be perfect because this is an imperfect world. But you are basing your life on something positive and something attainable. You are a little part of society showing the rest of society how society should function.
I have received letters from others who have suggested that there be FemDom communities, FemDom apartment complexes where all the couples practice Loving Female Authority, FemDom vacations such as cruises where there would be classes, and other such wonderful suggestions. I would love to see these ideas come to fruition.
Thank you, Sandi, for sharing that with us and please keep us updated.
From Franco D (bonus entry from Predominant 2008):
Dear Ms. Sutton. I have been married for the past 20 years. However, until recently, ours was never a female dominated relationship, although I had been trying to convince my wife that she should take charge of our marriage and be the dominating force behind all that we do. But somehow she never gave much thought to it. All that changed one day a few months ago.
My wife's voluptuous younger sister, Camy, always comes to visit us. Camy came over for the weekend and the three of us were alone at home. I was reading your book, “The FemDom Experience”, but I had hidden it by securing a different book jacket around it. I was sitting in my chair reading while the women were talking and I thought were ignoring me. I can’t believe I attempted this because I was reading one of the many erotic stories in the book, and I began to gain an erection. I knew I couldn’t get up or they would notice, but like a fool, I kept reading.
Camy noticed that I had a grin on my face and she asked me as to why I was smiling. I told her it was nothing. However she examined me closer and she noticed that I had a bulge in my shorts. Camy knew I was up to no good and being the bold girl that she is, she rushed towards me attempting to snatch the book away from me. All this while my wife was watching the whole drama with amusement in her eyes.
Trying to shield the book away from her I raised the book high over my head with both my hands placing it out of her reach as I'm much taller than her. What she did next stunned me and took me completely by surprise. Seeing that she couldn’t get to the book, Camy suddenly, in one swift motion put her right hand between my legs and squeezed my balls very hard making me yelp in pain. She then pointed out to my wife that I had an erection.
My wife was embarrassed and asked me how come I had an erection. I asked Camy to let loose of my balls but she gripped them harder and I lost my balance. I gasped for air and Camy grabbed the book from me. She immediately pulled the book from the overly large book jacket which revealed the cover of a submissive man lacing up his wife’s boots. Camy began to laugh.
My wife was embarrassed at first but she became angry that I was reading that kind of a book around them. I apologized but Camy came to my rescue. She told my wife there is nothing wrong with that kind of a book. Outnumbered two to one, my wife didn’t know what to do, so she ordered me out of the house to go get them dinner at her favorite takeout restaurant. She also told me to leave the book behind with them.
I was gone maybe forty-five minutes. When I got back, we ate and nothing was mentioned about the book. After dinner, Camy and I went into the living room while my wife went into our bedroom. Camy was giggling. I knew something was up but I wasn’t about to say anything since I thought I had narrowly escaped trouble from reading the book. My wife came into the living room with a large shoe box.
“Do you remember these?”, she asked.
At first I didn’t but as she opened the box, I saw that they were a pair of leather boots I had bought her two years ago with the hope they might spark an interest in her to dominate me. Now I was the one embarrassed. Camy told me to kneel like the man on the cover of the book and put the boots on her sister. She also had me remove my shirt just like the guy in the Sardax picture.
I was totally embarrassed and I knew this was Camy’s idea. I got an erection at the same time, which Camy noticed immediately and pointed out to my wife. I knelt and put the boots on my wife’s feet. They were not lace ups but had zippers. My wife had never worn these boots but she was enjoying seeing me humiliated like this in front of her sister.
My hands were shaking a little, but my wife looked gorgeous in the boots. Once they were on, she stood up and modeled them for Camy.
My wife told me that she was going to read the book because Camy had brought to her attention that there would be many benefits to having a submissive husband. I do not know how Camy knew all this, and I didn’t dare ask her.
I asked for permission to speak, which the girls loved that kind of contrite spirit coming from me, and once granted permission, I told my wife that there was a previous book by the same author that is recommended prior to reading this one. My wife asked me if I had that book, and I told her that I did. She ordered me to go get it.
Once again, Camy and her laughed when they saw the cover of the book “Female Domination”, with the man humbling himself, handing the woman a rose. Camy said it looked like the man was begging and that I should beg my wife just like the man in the picture. My wife agreed. Camy told me to beg her sister to read the books and to treat me like the submissive men in the books. I was really getting humiliated but I was enjoying it at the same time. I begged and begged and the girls laughed. I didn’t know where the evening was headed, my mind wondering if they might try to dominate me some more. Alas, my wife ended the game and suggested we watch a movie.
The good news is that my wife kept her promise and she has finished the first book and she just started reading the second one. Our life has totally changed, thanks to the ideas my wife got from your books.
I now must do the housework, the grocery shopping, and many other domestic duties that she use to do. She keeps a list of my chores on the refrigerator and whenever Camy comes to visit, my wife points to them, which always gets a giggle out of Camy.
Our sex life is slowly changing as well. Once a week, my wife wears her boots, along with a black bra and panties set (I need to buy her some leather lingerie) and she spanks me with her hairbrush. She is starting to really get into it. The other day, she left my bottom nice and red.
Our sex life in bed has improved and my wife has me go down on her more often. She loves to have me go down on her after she has spanked me. This is the best sex we’ve had in, I’d say fifteen years, maybe longer.
I am not sure what all she tells Camy about our sex life but Camy likes to tease me. She always teased me about things since I’ve known her, but now she seems to be more open to discussing sexual things in front of me, giggling and laughing. I have always been attracted to Camy, and I enjoy knowing that she knows about my submissive desires, but I always seem to get erect when Camy teases me, and I hope my wife doesn’t get offended. So far, I don’t think she notices, but I know Camy notices.
Thankfully, Camy only comes over a couple times a month, so my main focus is on my wife. I can’t say we are in a full blown female domination marriage but I can’t believe how far we’ve come in the past few months. I am wondering what else my wife might want to try once she is finished reading the second book. It is really happening, finally after twenty years of dreaming.
Elise’s Response:
Franco, you are one fortunate man. Fate smiled on you that day. You tried all kinds of things to get your wife to dominate you, nothing worked, and here by your own dumb action of reading my book in front of company no less, your sister-in-law was able to get your wife to see what you were unable to communicate to her. That is the power of sisterhood. I bet if you would have given your wife my book, she would have refused to read it. But her sister encouraged her to read it because she immediately conveyed to your wife the benefits of female domination.
That is where men fail. Buying a woman a pair of sexy boots and giving her a FemDom book will not work unless she believes there is something in it for her. What appealed to your wife was having you do the household chores. I bet that is what Camy told her when you went out to get dinner that night. Camy obviously knows about this lifestyle so she told her sister that she could get you to do the housework if she would just dominate you a little. That probably triggered something in your wife, she remembered the boots, and the next thing you know, you two are having the best sex of your life, or at least since you were newlyweds.
Now your challenge is to fan that dominant flame in your wife by striving to serve her even more. Submit to her in all areas, go the extra mile, and you may be amazed how deep she will want to go in her dominance over you. But even if it never goes beyond what you have now, you are still most blessed. Never take it for granted and always cherish your wife. Be thankful and respectful toward Camy, but cherish and revere your wife. Take care.
*** Note - More Real Life Experiences in the March/April Edition of "Predominant".
