Real Life Stories - Entries for October 2009
From Olivia D:
Dear Elise, I will keep this brief but I must share what happened last week. I had my first female domination experience.
I am forty-six years old, recently divorced and a new convert to female supremacy. Your site has played a big role in my conversion. I have made the decision to be the dominant partner in all future relationships and sexual encounters.
Last week I went out on a date with a twenty-one year old man. We met on the Internet and we had our first blind date. He had sent me his picture and I was attracted to him, he is cute. He is also younger than my only son, who is in college and spends his summers with his father who lives at the beach.
I am an attractive woman but I needed to affirm this to myself. I thought I was beautiful and I’ve kept myself in great shape but I still had reservations and doubts that such a younger man would find me attractive.
He did and we came back to my place. It would have been easy for me to have had ordinary sex but I wanted to practice what I have learned about female domination.
For the first time in my life, I spanked a man. I spanked him hard too. He had never been spanked by an adult woman, at least not since he was a child. I spanked him with my hands, my hair brush and a wooden spoon. I loved how he squirmed and tried to avoid each successive smack. It was more than I had imagined and I knew that I loved being dominant.
I had him orally pleasure me and it was obvious he was a novice. I taught him and it was great being in charge of such an intimate event. His lack of experience made it better because he was like clay in my hand and I was able to teach him how I like it to be done. His lack of confidence was appealing to me.
I was going to deny him and send him home without an orgasm. That would have completed a perfect night of female domination with me receiving all the pleasure. But it was obvious to me that he might be a virgin from his lack of confidence in oral servitude. So I asked him and he told me he was still a virgin.
My dominant nature wanted to 'pop his cherry', so I did. I was on top and I was in total control, looking deeply in his eyes the entire time, telling him how superior I was to him. He climaxed on my command. It was great!
I will be seeing him again but I am not limiting myself to one man. He is sweet but I will be looking for someone closer to my age, I still want younger, maybe in his thirties, but whoever I am with, I will be the dominant one. Thanks for all your hard work and your dedication.
Elise’s Response:
Thank you, Olivia, for sharing your first experience with me. That was wonderful and this young man will be forever grateful to you. I cannot imagine a better way for a young man to lose his virginity. He was taught how to respect a woman, how to pleasure a woman, and then and only then was he allowed pleasure. I am sure this experience will stay with him forever and his attitude toward all women will be that of respect, thanks to you.
From Tanya H:
Dear Elise, I’ve been attempting to get my husband to lose weight for several years, without much success. He would stay on a diet for several weeks lose a few pounds but then gain it all back plus some. Quite frankly, I’d become embarrassed by his appearance and felt some action was necessary.
I had success using orgasm denial to complete projects around the house and control his demeanor but never thought to use it to encourage him to lose weight. I approached him with my idea and he agreed some added incentive could help him shed some weight. The schedule we decided upon was 4 lbs every two weeks until he reached our goal of 195 lbs. I weighed him in, after his last orgasm , and we determined his schedule from there.
When it came time to weigh in two weeks later, he had actually gained a pound. This didn’t surprise me because he had made few changes to his diet. I had hidden the Spencer paddle in the bathroom and surprised him with a very sharp blow to his back side and before he could react I landed another determined blow with the paddle. I believe he expected a playful swat and the surprised look on his face confirmed that. I started to see some changes the following day.
At his next weigh-in two weeks later, he had gone four weeks without ejaculating. He had a full erection when he got on the scale. He had lost several pounds but unfortunately had not reached the weight required to receive an orgasm, due to gaining weight the first week.. Cupping his testicles in my hand and grabbing his erection, I informed him he had to meet the schedule. I stroked him a couple times to let him know I appreciated the effort he was putting forward and was proud of his progress. This was the longest he had ever gone w/o ejaculating. I sensed the impending release and withdrew my hands from his member. I wanted him to meet the goal we had set for him and didn’t feel rewarding him prior would be good for his long term success. In hindsight, I now realize this was cruel – but my intention was to allow him the pleasure of my touch to encourage him to meet the schedule.
I told him to get dressed, then left the room to make coffee and prepare for the day. But when I returned, he was standing in the same position and the erection had not subsided. I instructed him again to get dressed but he didn’t seem to comprehend. I don’t believe he had ever been that close and then denied. He knows not to plead with me because I find that disrespectful. I had inadvertently pushed him right to the edge and he could not fathom not being allowed to orgasm.
In the past, I have used a paddle on him to help him deal with early morning erections. I felt bad this time because I had coaxed him to his current state. None the less, it was the only remedy to our current situation and I felt obligated to use it. It took three very sharp blows to bring him back to reality. I apologized to him, as I delivered the blows, because I knew I was partially at fault. I went to get him a cup of coffee so we could discuss what had just happened.
Upon my return, his "generous swelling of pride", humbled by the paddling, had returned to a semi erect state. He was again in control of his faculties and informed me I was not to blame for the incident. We discussed the mornings’ happenings for several minutes and he assured me it wouldn’t happen again. I sent him to get more coffee, and resisted the temptation to fondle his vulnerable package, when he returned with a cup in each hand.
Three days later, again with a full erection, he requested another weigh–in. This time he had reached the goal. Needless to say, he ejaculated very shortly thereafter. I felt compelled to give him a very thorough draining, due to the torture he had endured three days prior. For the past two months, he has been doing very well with the schedule and is approaching a weight loss of 20 lbs. Only once did I allow an orgasm short of the goal. Our scale indicates weight to 1/10th of a pound. On that occasion, he had come up 1/10th short of the goal. I made him promise to clean the kitchen and put away the laundry - then thought it would be better to let him do the tasks prior to ejaculating. He scurried about in record time. I made him refold a couple items, just to frustrate him, prior to rewarding him.
I enjoy giving him his relief when he meets his goal. I know it will get more difficult for him, the farther he goes. I find the male body so much more appealing when the height / weight are proportionate. A flat stomach makes his erection seem longer, which makes his hand job more satisfying for me.
Thanks for your forum.
Elise’s Response:
Tanya, this lifestyle can be both fun and productive. You are using your female power to affect positive change in your husband’s life. Never worry about being cruel because to ignore your husband’s unhealthy habits would be cruel. But to use discipline and orgasm denial as tools to better his health, that is a display of love.
Your female authority is making what would normally be drudgery into a fun and exciting FemDom activity for your husband. He becomes erect when he gets on the scale because he knows that you are controlling him and dominating him by making him lose weight. This touches his psyche in a way to make the entire process arousing. I bet there is a part of him that hopes he makes his goal so you will be proud of him but there is another part of him that doesn’t mind if he falls short because that will mean a few stern smacks with your paddle and more denial.
Men need women to motivate them and to oversee their lives. Left to their own ways, most men (not all men, but most men) will be lazy and will be neglect to live a disciplined life. Female Domination is a woman using discipline to help a man live a disciplined life, and both the man and the woman are better for it. Take care.
From Renee A:
Dear Elise, you've often mentioned something to the effect that an ideal husband is not just a man who obeys his wife, but also one who stands up for her. I'm lucky enough to have a guy like that. He was submissive when I met him, which I loved, because I make no bones about the fact that I need to be in charge. Things go so much more smoothly, and my hubby admits it.
Donnie is basically a quiet guy, but he surprised me last night. We were at a small party thrown by a close friend. One guest whom we weren't aquainted with remarked that my husband looks a lot like Ray Romano, from the TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond." It's still on in reruns. I don't know if you're familiar with the show, but its basically about a married man whose parents continually interfere with his life.
When my husband heard the remark, he said, "Ray is a good comedian, but I don't like his TV character. He never stands up for his wife. He lets his mother browbeat her and make her feel inferior. He doesn't appreciate her. She is not first in his life. He's not a man, he's a wimp." My husband then went on about how a man should treat a woman, and defend her from any dishonor, no matter what the source. I was just in heaven. Hearing him say those things made me feel fantastic.
What's even better is that my husband doesn't just talk -- he has proven himself time and time again. He endured a lot from his family because of me. I'm an educated, successful, caring woman, but that wasn't good enough for his mother. For one thing, I'm 35 and Donnie is 26. Also, I'm assertive and I like to dress provocatively. I have a fit, sexy figure (even after having a child) and I'm not ashamed of it.Yes, I'm dominant, but I'm also kind and loving toward my husband and son. Soon after I met Donnie's family, he let them know, kindly but firmly, that I was to be treated with respect. Since then they've tried to be gracious, and so have I. We've never had any problems and we get along great.
I have the best of both worlds. In public, my husband defends me and is my champion. At home, he's totally submissive. He does nearly all the housework, in addition to working full time. He pampers and indulges me constantly. I believe his attitude toward me has had a beneficial effect on my teenage son (from a previous relationship). He had been developing a misogynistic attitude, but since I married Donnie, my son has become more thoughtful and empathetic, and he has been helping Donnie with some of the chores. He's doing wonderfully in school and he seems to thrive on the stability and peace in our home. He seems ok with our matriarchal household.
All our assets, including both cars are in my name. Donnie's salary goes into my account and I give him a small allowance. We discuss things, but all the major financial and domestic decisions are mine. I keep him chaste most of the time. It's tough for him, but it makes him so much more attentive and he realizes it's best for us. I made it plain when we met that I have the right to cuckold him, but now I can't imagine ever doing it. However, I felt he needed to understand from the beginning that my freedom and control in that area is essential to me. From my experience, total honesty is the only way build a close bond.
Thanks so much for teaching us the way, Elise. I've learned so much from you. I didn't mean to gloat, but I just wanted to tell you about my husband, who never ceases to surprise me. Thanks.
Elise’s Response:
Renee, it sounds like you have a great man there. You should be proud of him. He is a great example to all men, not just because he stood up for you in public, but because he submits to you at home. He is not threatened by a strong woman and that is a sign that he is comfortable in his own skin.
As I have written many times, most women do not want a wimp for a husband. There is a difference between being submissive and being a wimp. A woman wants a man who can be strong when he has to be but still recognizes his place within the marriage. A common hesitation from women about this lifestyle is that they are afraid that if they dominate, discipline and control their husbands behind closed doors, their men will become wimps. Your story is just another example that this is not the case, and in fact it is often the opposite. Often the macho male who walks and talks like he is in charge will be the first one to mistreat his wife. It is the submissive male who reveres women and who worships women that is more likely to stand up for women.
The show “Everybody Loves Raymond” is all about stereotypes of what many people perceive to be a typical American marriage. I once read where the episodes of that show came from actual experiences that the various writers observed within their own marriages and families. That is why it was such a big hit, because the viewers could relate to the lazy, wimpy husband, the interfering mother-in-law, the crude father-in-law, and the dominant wife. Debra is a Dom as she is the smart one and she runs the house. But the exaggeration of the stereotypes of Ray and his family is what made the show funny, kind of a play on the one sane person surrounded by crazy people theme. Debra is the sane one.
Another common theme to that show that is a stereotype taken from most marriages is that Ray and Debra hardly ever had sex because she was never in the mood due to holding resentment toward her husband because he never helped out with the house or the kids. This is a common dynamic in many marriages and this where a FemDom marriage could be so valuable. You dominate your husband in a positive way, which increases his devotion and his desire for you. You require that he serves you and does household chores, and he gladly does them because he is submitting to his Queen. And his willful servitude of you has had a positive impact on your son, as he has a real male role-model.
You have every right to be proud of your husband and you should also be proud of yourself for running your marriage with loving, female authority. Best wishes!
From Sheena F:
Dear Elise; I am following-up on my story that you printed a year or so ago.
Everything in our wife-led relationship has gone along great. My husband agrees to do what I consider the best thing for us. He even goes along with his monthly discipline sessions which occur even when he has behaved the way I expect him to. We are not 24/7.
Now I have found a new turn-on for us: Clothed Female Naked Male, CFNM domination and it came about spur of the moment.
My younger sister was getting married and I was to throw her a bachlorette party in the basement of my house. I hired a stripper and about 12 ladies were coming over. I thought we needed a bartender so I asked my husband to take care of it. While he was setting up the basement, I got an idea that it would be fun to make him serve us. The ladies loved the fact that my cute husband was bowing and obeying them submissively dressed only in a tight workout shirt and bicycle shorts.
When the stripper showed up, my husband started to go upstairs but my sister said to let him stay and make him watch. I figured, why not? We made him sit up front between my sister and me and held him there so he couldn't leave. He was extremely embarrassed when the stripper got to his G-string and paraded in front of us. My sister gave the stripper a 50 dollar bill to go nude which he did. He let my sister and then me fondle his cock and balls while right in front of my husband who was now very red in the face. My sister made fun of my husband's obvious erection. The other ladies were going wild.
The stripper got dressed and before he left, told us that he never stripped to a room full of women with an obviously sub husband also there. He said he was straight but that this got him very excited. I told him that I had a fantasy of watching a man spank my naked husband while he was across his lap. He told me that as long as no sex was involved, he would be willing to spank my husband. He told me to give him a call if I was serious about pursuing my fantasy. I might have to take him up on this.
After the other ladies left, my sister, my husband and myself were in the basement and I told my husband to begin cleaning up while we kept drinking. She asked me how I got him to be so obedient. I told her how I got fed up with him and spanked him and forced him to see things my way. My sister is dying to see the stripper come over and spank him as she teases him non-stop about it. I have also noticed that my sister has become more aggressive and dominant with her new husband. We have talked about throwing our own CFNM parties in the future. Thank you for your site.
Elise’s Response:
It can be a humiliating experience for a husband to witness his wife acting wildly over the nudity of another man. Watching you and your sister fondling another man no doubt humiliated your husband but his humiliation touched a part of his submissive nature which triggered a sexual excitement within him. That is why he became erect. And I would venture to guess that your nude dancer also has a submissive nature and he became aroused from witnessing your husband’s humiliation. That is why he found this experience even more arousing that usual. He probably has performed for many groups of wild women but this was the first time there was a FemDom element. Of course some male erotic dancers find being naked in front of a group of clothed women to be a Female empowering experience in itself, but having your husband there, being forced to watch, that took the female empowerment to a whole new level.
A number of women have told me that they have a fantasy of watching another man spank their submissive husband, and I know a couple of women who have made that fantasy a reality. I would suggest that you communicate this with your husband and feel him out before doing it. As long as you make sure that no one crosses the line (please be aware of your husband’s hard limits when it come to interacting with another man), it should be a powerful experience as you will really be the one disciplining him and the other man will be your implement of discipline. Your husband will be submitting to you by submitting to your fantasy. Take care.
From Carl M:
I recently bought and read your book, and enjoyed it thoroughly. Most thought-provoking, I felt, were your ruminations on legislative efforts to restrict women's rights. Though many would simply resent such efforts, you go a step further and ask why the supposedly weaker female gender needs to be restricted if not for fear of her inherent superiority. Kudos for your reasoning.
As a potential "real life experience" contribution to your website, I would like to relate how a weekly routine that my former wife Anna and I helped develop my submissive behavior, and break down communication barriers in our relationship.
Like most women, Anna insisted on dining out several times weekly at my expense. By the time Friday arrived, and the stresses of the workweek had dissipated, Anna was usually expecting more than a dining experience.
On arriving home from work on Friday evenings, once inside her condo, I had to strip naked immediately in the entrance foyer, carry my clothes to the laundry hamper, and shower. While showering, Anna would select the outfit I was to wear for the evening - sometimes, nothing more than slacks with a coat and tie, but more often, my Access Denied chastity belt with pantyhose and a bra, or a bodystocking, to wear underneath my clothes. Though Anna questioned my crossdressing during the earliest stages of our relationship, once she realized that my desires were limited to private moments in the home, she often made me wear feminine undergarments in public, as she knew I was terrified of being "outed".
Returning home from dining was an event I came to dread. If her mood, the lateness of the hour, and the degree of privacy we enjoyed would allow, Anna would drag me from the car, though the parking lot, and into her building by my hair or my necktie. Once inside her condo, I was told to sit, ordered to fix her a drink, or (in her bitchiest moods) literally thrown over an overstuffed easy chair in her living room. Though I lived there also, it was always "her" residence. After she changed clothes, Anna would emerge from her bedroom with her arsenal - a 36" 3/8" cane she called her "schoolboy", and the heavy wooden paddle she referred to as her "board of education". The cane was simply a woodworker dowel from the local hardware store, the paddle I purchased for her at Leather Man in NY City. Anna didn't believe in mincing words or warmups, if I was already bent over the chair she simply began, if I weren't she would simply tell me to "get over here".
The pain of her initial blows, delivered full force, was indescribable. I always resented the first few, usually delivered with the cane (she said she liked to switch between the cane and paddle because although the paddle was more painful, she liked the welts the cane left on me), and I nearly always asked myself why I allowed her to do this to me. But after stroke five or six, I no longer felt the pain, I only heard the swoosh as the schoolboy or the board sailed through the air, and felt an intense emotional rush, almost an out-of-body type experience. My hands would cup my face, and my resentment turned to a strange mix of fear and excitement. My surreal protests turned to the squealing, feminine whimpers Anna loved to hear. Instead of resisting the blows, I would lean into them, eager to meet Anna's challenge to be a real sub. I would tremble uncontrollably, and my eyes would swell up with tears, while Anna would giggle and comment on what a wonderful shade of red my buttocks were.
When my absolute limit (usually about 25-30 strokes) was reached, I would burst into tears, and collapse on my knees before her, frantically embracing her around the waist, thanking and kissing her, and, if she were wearing her dildo, unconsciously fellating her. She had two wearable dildos, the very sensual latex dildo panties, I purchased for her at Dressing for Pleasure in Montclair, NJ, and the more fearsome-looking strapon, that came from The Noose in NY City. From that moment, I was hers, to please her traditionally, orally, or with DP/SO time. Though this regimen took time, discussion, and some fumbling to develop, once established, our relationship benefitted enormously. Anna loved the physical sensation and transformational mystique of the dildos, and the empowerment that they and her arsenal gave her.
For me, the pain and humiliation were beneficial on several levels. Obviously, they reminded me of just who was in charge of the relationship. But more subtly, having my attention periodically refocused by this recurring event set a healthy stage for the regular submissive behavior that Anna expected. I drew comfort and strength from the regular beatings. The torrent of emotion released by being pushed to my limit of pain tolerance was profoundly liberating, and worked for me as a high bar of expectation that put no level of submissive behavior beyond the pale. I no longer felt embarrassed by reluctant to act out my submissive desires, or struggled to balance them with the male persona I felt obligated to portray in my daily life. Instead, I felt a reassurance that my submissive nature was encouraged as a normal part of our relationship. Once this high bar had been established, I felt the freedom to act in the zone that she had created.
I enjoyed embracing her, arms around her neck, with my backside facing the closet mirror so Anna could admire the welts I was so proud of. I would kiss her softly and thank her for the experience. My acceptance of DP/SO time was not begrudging (as, admittedly, it became by midweek), but enthusiastic. There were no arguments about my need to remain silent and follow her with a shopping cart in the supermarket, do the household chores nude while she chatted on the telephone with her mother (who thought my choretime uniform was cute), keep the closets organized, turn my paycheck over to her, abide by her choice of restaurants, be on time for events (such as the figure skating performances she enjoyed), respect deadlines (trash out by 7PM, etc), do favors for her friends (e.g., drive Sarah to the airport), run errands, or hold her purse should she choose to chat at length with a female neighbor. Unexpected chocolates, flowers, and notes arrived often.
Anna never put her thoughts on paper, but if she had, I think she would have said that some men simply need regular beatings to remain focused on relationship goals, and be communicative. Men are solitary and non-communicative by nature; traits that served them well in primitive (male as hunter, female as gatherer) times, but to be true partners in successful, modern relationships of any sort (personal and professional), they need to transcend these instinctive communication barriers. In our case, a beating intended not to punish (those didn't wait for Friday evenings...) but instead merely to assert authority was what I needed.
Thanks for your website and the forum for discussion it provides.\
Elise’s Response:
Carl, thank you for sharing those lovely and profound thoughts. Discipline is rarely enjoyable for the submissive while it is taking place (although if it induces subspace, it can be erotic and mentally and spiritually fulfilling). The cane and the paddle hurt and discipline can be uncomfortable. But afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of love and surrender.
The reason your mood changed after five or six blows of discipline is because it was at this point that you surrendered to her and once you surrendered to her, you were able to enter subspace. I am convinced after talking and communicating with so many submissive men over the years that there is no better experience for a man than that feeling of surrender to a woman. It produces peace and a feeling of being loved. It is intimate and romantic. It is spiritual and it is what the heart of man needs and longs for.
The strap-on is a further extension of the surrendering process. I think the strap-on is the perfect companion to the discipline session between a wife and her husband. First comes the discipline to get the male in the proper frame of mind, to get him to surrender his male ego. Then comes the strap-on to enforce that surrender. My, what a bond of intimacy and true female domination the paddle and the strap-on can bring to a relationship.
You mentioned that Anna is your ex-wife. You did not mention if she has passed from this world or if the two of you went your separate ways. What is most telling is how you look back on your relationship with Anna with fondness. Again, the discipline sessions are not always enjoyable for the submissive husband while they are taking place but the lasting effects are immeasurable. I do wish you all the best.
*** Note - More Real Life Experiences in the Sept/Oct 2009 Edition of "Predominant" (Including access to the Archives with over 230 past stories).
