From Tony H:
Ms. Sutton, My wife and I find your website to be very informational. Our sexual relationship is one where I am not permitted to approach her for sex, nor am I permitted to masturbate without her permission. About twice per week, she approaches me to satisfy her. Early in the week, the first of her approaches, she demands penetration until she is satisfied which normally takes about 30 minutes or so. Once completed, she most often just goes to sleep. I stopped asking permission for an orgasm years ago because she always says “No”.
Her second weekly approach usually occurs Saturday evening when she approaches me and demands oral sex, for about 20 minutes until she climaxes. She then demands about 10 minutes of penetration following the oral sex. After she climaxes a second or third time (often with the aid of a vibrator applied to her clitoris while I am inside of her), she orders me off of her and she gets dressed to go watch television in the other room. While she is getting dressed she demands I quickly masturbate to orgasm, which she doesn't exactly watch, but certainly is aware of, because she will not leave the room until I've climaxed. She gets pretty angry when she thinks I am taking too long (more than a minute).
It's odd to see how our relationship has changed over the 24 years of our marriage. In our early years she would perform oral sex on me. Now she pretty much detests my ejaculations. Since reading your site, my wife now seems to think that maybe I should be allowed to climax less often than once a week, and that perhaps I should be made to wait 30 days between orgasms.
I don’t know what to say other than it is her call. Think of it as further evolution of your sexual relationship. In the early years of the marriage, you had a certain sexuality where she pleasured you and sex was mostly about your pleasure. Over time, your wife has come into her dominance and she has entered her sexual prime. Now your sex life is all about her pleasure. If she were to take you from once per week to once per month, I am sure you would adapt. What is most important is that you keep your focus on your wife and her pleasure. As long as you do that, sex will always be fun and exciting for the both of you, not matter how long you go between orgasms. Take care.
The room is perfectly still. A scented warmth, a cozy feeling of peace and comfort is slowly invading me as I am quieting down. I have just taken my station, after the long and feverish early morning
preparations. Now, the long wait has begun and, as every morning, this is the moment I start feeling drowsy. It is only 7 in the morning though and I must certainly not abandon myself to this delicious feeling.
A shaft of light is breaking through the curtains and slicing the room, bathing it in an unreal and reddish glow. It must already be very bright outside. This is going to be another beautiful day. Not
that it will make much difference to me. Except maybe that it will enhance further the lowliness of my slavish condition. A cruel reminder of how beautiful and glorious life can be for those who are
free. For my mistress for instance, who will enjoy the sun and the cool wind, or, at her leisure, decide to stay home and rest near the pool, unless she feels like going to her club and play tennis or
whatever with her friends.
Right now, she is deep in sleep. Through the suspended particles dancing in the ray of light, I contemplate lovingly her delicate features. How I treasure this moment of pure bliss, this only moment
when she belongs to me, totally abandoned to my contemplation. I can see her soft neck and her cheek and I marvel at the tender transparency of her skin in that pink shade. With her head facing the
other way, towards the window, from where I am, kneeling at the end of her bed, I can just catch a glimpse of her half opened lips and her long lashes, oh and yes, so troubling, her delicate nostrils faintly pulsating with her peaceful breathing. She looks so vulnerable, so juvenile almost. Now this is certainly something that would immensely amuse her, to know that I can see her as "vulnerable"!
But she will never know. This is the magic. The reason why I love so much these hours that I spend every morning, humbly kneeling by her bed, my forearms outstretched, supporting the heavy cushion on which her long whip is recoiling.
That majestic guardian, that scepter of her absolute reign, sits enthroned on this richly embroidered cushion. Every morning, from before dawn until the moment she awakes, I reverently support that
terrible and splendid symbol of her power, and of my enslavement. No matter how late she might feel like sleeping, this is how she wants to find me when she opens her eyes. This is where I belong, even if after the first hour my arms are numbed. One could think that after a few months of this treatment my muscles would have slowly strengthened and gotten used to this ordeal, but no, this is always a slow, excruciating torture. All the more unbearable because I have to submit to it stoically, perfectly still and silent, without ever knowing how much it might be prolonged, while all the time faced with the vision of this adorable sleeping beauty.
What is it, have I heard a snore? No, surely not, such an exquisite creature cannot possibly snore, can she? (though she actually does sometimes! but this is not something I would ever dream of letting her know). No, this is just an ecstatic purr. An imperceptible and sweet purr of contentment.
The shaft of light has reached the top of the bed and shines on that round shoulder tauntingly uncovered by the sheets, the locks of her hair spread on the pillow are sparkling happily, turning into gold under the sunray. And the pain relentlessly increases, slowly invading all the parts of my immobile body. I can't feel my ankles anymore, my thighs are horribly aching and my exhausted arms begin to shiver. This is much too early to feel so much pain, I might have to hold still for at least another hour. My mistress came back very late yesterday, or rather, this morning. If only she knew all the pain and suffering that I silently endure every day so that she has the satisfaction of seeing me presenting her with her whip. My eyes fall on the haunting whip and I am drawn in some troubling fascination. What a dangerous, sly and cruel weapon. Glowing menacingly as it is in the dark, it seems almost alive. A magical creature that only she can awake to life. And what a ferocious and savage life! But now it is peacefully resting, just as its mistress is.
If only this creature could tell her how well I have pampered it, how I awoke half an hour earlier this morning to groom it! I carefully lathered the long mesh with saddle soap and then rubbed it gently with wax and only then, immersed in some religious trance, I polished it endlessly. As it happens each time, I finished by the handle, covering it with soft devoted kisses, especially that spot, at the top of the handle, where her divine perfume lingers. I suppose because this is the part of the handle that gets in contact with the inside of her wrist, where she puts that sweet drop of fragrance. Oh, how this faint smell mixed with that of the warm leather leaves me intoxicated and dizzy...
The "toilette", that long and intricate ritual we both partake in daily, in very different capacities though, is nearing completion. I am kneeling again in this dreadful position I have already spent almost two and a half hours in. And the day -my day- a slave's day burdened by toil and duties, has hardly begun! Of course I am not any more near the bed. As soon as she awoke she waved me away, indicating
that I could at last put the cushion and the whip back on the stool where they belong. Than, she allowed me to help her with her sophisticated daily preparations, what I call the "ritual". This did not even take two hours, including the serving of breakfast. And now here I am, three feet behind my goddess, presenting her back with the ceremonial cushion and its sacred load, the whip!
She is standing proudly, facing a very large mirror. I furtively glance up at her face and I am relieved to see she is pleased with herself. I couldn't imagine why she shouldn't be! The image I see reflected is simply ravishing. Still trying a few poses and severely checking her attire, she casually snaps her fingers in my direction. This is the signal for the ultimate part of the ritual. My sovereign demands her scepter. On my knees, I move forward, diligently but discreetly, and raise the cushion so that her extended hand is almost positioned over the handle.
She grabs it without even a glance backwards and, still contemplating herself, distractedly caresses the thick mesh of the whip. My eyes wander up and down, trying, as usual, to devour each and every detail of such feminine perfection. How lovely is my mistress...
And then, as I look up again, I am frozen, pinned down under her gaze. I blush furiously as I see a mischievous glint in her eyes. She faintly, but quite sweetly and even a little mockingly, smiles at me.
In that moment I know that the whip has told her. Under her long fingers caressing softly the shiny leather, she has felt my kisses.
My, I don’t know if that is based on your life experience or if that is a poetic tribute to your Mistress or simply a fantasy, but it is very well written. Thank you for sharing that with us. How many men would be willing to greet their Mistress each morning with such devotion? I am sure most women would love to know that their submissive looked at them so lovingly in the morning, awaiting that first command.
A morning whipping? Might not be a bad way for a submissive to start his day. Best wishes!
From Bobbie C:
My girlfriend and I live together. We used to argue a great deal, but mentally I admit that I SURRENDERED to Catrina completely some weeks ago. Day-to-day things between us are much easier now. It is as if there is nothing to argue about anymore, we just do things Catrina's way. If she bosses me around I do what she says instead of complaining about her tone or resisting her wishes. I have to hold my tongue sometimes, but I am becoming used to that.
I told her this to her face recently, saying that she was the boss at home and that I would always try to do things her way. She looked at me with her bright blue eyes and clearly liked my submission a lot - as if I had finally, finally realized the way we obviously had to live.
She prefers me not to orgasm often. She says that she has noticed that if I squirt I am less attentive and less obliging to her generally, but she has also noticed that if I am deprived too much I become difficult, so she says she tries to measure things to keep me sweet.
Only, she does not seem to realize that men want to have sex often; and she seems to rate my needs in line with hers - and she has always been able to go a long time without needing sex.
Since 1st Jan 2006 for instance, she has had SEX with me ONLY 4 times, on 8th Feb, 19th March, 5th May and 6th May (obviously a sexy time of month) - about once every 7 weeks.
She has allowed me to SQUIRT just one other time, on 18th June; although she tolerated two other accidental squirts, on 21st Jan and 5th Feb - she was there and she was thrashing my bottom when it
She reminds me to be faithful to her and good and restrained generally by keeping me in "frilly panties" as she calls them. That is, she discovered, a while ago that I was fascinated by girls' underwear and I now wear panties daily as a reminder of her control over me and as a
physically restraining factor in bed. Firm pairs of panties keep the male parts more or less strapped in, and less likely to protrude in bed and bother Catrina. They are also a reminder of who is in charge of the home and sexual part of our relationship - the female.
At times, when full of lust in the night, I used to cling to her in bed and slowly grind myself against her with frustration and passion, but she has now FORBIDDEN that and any "grinding" is now against the
mattress only, quietly, or purely mental.
Catrina doesn't seem to be in the mood for sex with me much (usually too tired), but keeps me "calm" by way of regular severe hair-brushings on my bare bottom, panties pulled down by her, lying on the bed in front of her - a little thrill for me in lieu of sex she says, and usually in lieu of squirting too.
Very rarely does she allow me to squirt on these occasions, and they finish with Catrina showing me in the mirror my severely reddened bottom and sometimes upper thighs too in the mirror, with my part
standing hard and straight, ignored by her, except our of curiosity to see whether there is any moisture at the tip...
I find myself begging for more morsels of sexual attention, and Catrina may sigh with annoyance, but "allow me" to kiss her panties - more often just on the back over her deliciously curvy bottom, and sometimes on the front too, where the cotton covers her mysterious pussy which I have not even seen for many many weeks, maybe two months or more...
She lifts up her nightdress just enough for me to kneel by her feet and perform my acts of worship and restrained lust before telling me, "That's enough." Her panties are invariably white cotton, like mine
(she likes me to wear the same styles that she does) and plain or with intricate feminine patterns which I love. My eyes seek out the folds in her panties which indicate that her pussy cleft is just beneath, trying to kiss her panties sexually enough that she might become aroused and we might find ourselves making passionate love on our bed.
In my deprived state, kissing even her bottom through her panties becomes a HUGE thrill for me. Other favors she may grant from time to time include stroking my bits through my panties before she turns over and goes to sleep, curled up facing the other direction; or tweaking my nipples enough to make me pant with desire and buck against her like a wild horse - before she similarly ignores me.
I have read about "SUBSPACE," and this is where I must be when Catrina treats me like this. I enter a mental zone in which I will do anything for her, gladly, willingly and with love. My mind and body
wallow as if in a warm swamp of love, lust and tenderness. Part of me wants to orgasm immediately to relieve the stresses of frustration, but part of me luxuriates in the waves of dreamlike repressed desire, avoiding the sudden halt which an orgasm would unavoidably bring.
The next day, I will spend the whole day or the next so many days thinking of Catrina and wondering whether she might grant me any favors that evening or whether I will merely tuck myself up in bed, panty-clad and hugging my firm, unyielding woman, my bits hard in my underwear, my mind luxuriating in repressed lust.
I now wear the apron more than Catrina does, as I do more and more chores around the house and offer to do things while she relaxes with the newspaper or a magazine.
I last entered Catrina's pussy 7 weeks ago, 6th May. She won't even let me see it these days (and she wears underwear in bed, so I do not get glimpses). "I'm not like a picture in a magazine," she said when I gently asked her on Tuesday if I could just SEE and maybe kiss her pussy.
I last squirted nearly 2 weeks ago and I have no idea when she may allow me to squirt again. "You will have to wait and see!" she replied when I last asked. It may be a week or it may be a month, or it may be even longer. I truthfully have no idea. If I ask, I may annoy her. If I do not ask, she may think I am not interested. It is a difficult balance to find.
I love Catrina with all my heart and with all my desire. But I do not know what she will do with me, and whether she will come to want sex more often.
Do many women follow this path? Do many men "surrender" as I have done? Our arguments have disappeared, so have I found the answer to a happy relationship or have I merely given in to a dominant, bossy woman who likes me wrapped around her finger?
Where will we go next? Perhaps she knows. I do not. That in itself is a thrill for me.
Another well-written experience from a man who knows how to express his feelings for his Queen. Thank you for that. Your frustration, yet love and devotion, came across splendidly. Your Queen really has you under her power, and there is no place you would rather be. You are such a blessed man.
Do many men follow this path? Yes, and there are multitudes that would love to follow this path but have not yet met a woman like Catrina. Consider yourself fortunate. You have indeed found the answer to a happy relationship. You obey your Queen. You submit to your Queen, and you are filled with love and submissive fulfillment. Catrina takes you to subspace because you choose to surrender. You don’t fight her, you yield, and that is why you experience the wonderful sensation known as subspace.
I don’t know where the two of you will go from here but as long as you keep putting Catrina first in your life, you will continue to enjoy such a happy and fulfilling relationship. Take care.
From Nick K:
Dear Ms. Sutton, Thank you again for your fabulous web site--I think it’s the best site on the Internet! I visit often, and love everything--congratulations also on the success of your e-zine, Predominant (I'm a loyal subscriber).
One of my favorite features on your site is the Real Stories section. I’m a submissive man (submissive to women, that is) and it’s really fun to hear about how people live the Fem-dom lifestyle. I really enjoy hearing new ideas about Female/male relationships.
I’ve been interested in some of the letters from women who are in Femdom relationships. Many of these women talk about their husband’s/boyfriend’s tongue as their primary sex organ. This idea really clicked with me--my tongue is what I use almost exclusively when I make love to my wife (at her direction).
I believe that society will take a huge step forward when men finally accept the fact that sex is primarily about a woman’s pleasure. So many societal problems would be helped if men realized that women deserve a man’s veneration. Within the context of a romantic relationship, a female should be
pleasured first and foremost during any sexual encounter, and the man’s sexual satisfaction (if it happens at all) should only occur with the woman’s permission, after she has been fully satisfied herself.
I know this arrangement helped my relationship with my fiancé (now my wife) when we were dating. I was extremely attracted to her and wanted to be intimate before we were married. This made her very uncomfortable, as she was hesitant to have sex before we officially tied the knot.
I was so sexually attracted to her that I kept trying to force the issue. But I knew that having sex before marriage made her uncomfortable. Finally, we settled on a plan.
I was eager to go down on her and prove to her that I had a world class tongue that would be hers to command if she would only let me please her. This became a point of pride with me--I viewed my worth as a potential husband by how well I could perform oral worship on her. I wanted to honor her wish to forgo intercourse until we were married, but I also wanted to show her how good an oral lover I could be.
I assured her that if she would let me go down on her, that would be more than good enough for me--I would never ask her for intercourse before we were married. I kept begging, and she finally let me go down on her. I would lick her to orgasm and then satisfy myself later after I went home. This worked great--we could be intimate without “going all the way” and I could prove to her that if she would only marry me, she would be getting a husband who would dedicate himself entirely to her sexual pleasure without demanding anything in return.
To me, this is as close to a sexual ideal as there is--the male serving the female.
I hope that as society progresses toward female dominance, this sexual arrangement will flourish. The power of female sexuality is so much stronger than that of the male. I feel that men should admit this and start serving women.
There is no greater joy than bringing pleasure and happiness to a woman. Many men realize this already. When all men realize that this is one of our primary responsibilities, the world will be a better place.
Thank you again, Ms. Sutton, for proving this every month on your web site and for leading us in the right direction.
Thank you, Nick, for sharing that with us. I couldn’t agree more with what you have written. You have had a real revelation on what it means to pleasure a woman and your wife is truly a blessed woman.
I hear from couples quite often about how they are dating and they are going to wait until marriage (or have waited until marriage) before having intercourse. Yet, during the courtship the only sexual interaction will be the man orally servicing the woman. I think that is wonderful because it begins the relationship with the premise that sex if for the woman’s pleasure and it helps the man to view his fiancé as being his Goddess. It places the man in the submissive role right from the outset. It also teaches the man self-control.
With that as a vital part of the foundation (along with love, friendship and compatibility) the relationship is destined to be successful. Thanks again for sharing that with us.
From David B:
Dear Ms Sutton, I have been reading your site for awhile and I really enjoy it. It has really helped me come to terms with some things I felt alone about. I would like to tell you about my initial experience with female domination and I would like to see what your response is.
I am a submissive male in my early 40's. Looking back, I think there was clearly one incident that led to my desire to be dominated by women sexually. When I was about 12 or 13, I stayed for the summer with my mother's friend Suzanne while she visited some family in California. I always had a crush on Suzanne. I used to love watching her sun bathe in her bikini. Well one summer afternoon I was out walking and got caught in a rainstorm which soaked me to the skin. The next day I awoke with a nasty cold with a fever. Suzanne seemed very concerned as she was an ex-nurse.
She told me just to be safe, she wanted my temperature to be taken. I thought it would be orally, she said no that her oral thermometer was broken and we would have to do it the old fashioned way. I was told firmly to go into the bedroom, strip down to my shorts, then lie on the bed on my stomach. Part of me was dreading this, but I then noticed I was getting an erection, so I did as she said. When she entered the room I was terrified, but she said not to worry she had done this hundreds of times. She then pulled down my underpants to expose my bare bottom. She took some lotion and spread it over my ass cheeks, then slipped some into my anus, it felt really cool, then all of a sudden she slid the cool metal object into my butt. While it did hurt I found my erection growing hard as a rock. She left me there with the thermometer
sticking out of my ass.
When she came back to check me, I couldn't believe it as she was with her 19 year old daughter Pam. She was just home from the beach and still in her bikini. I was in shock. Pam watched as Suzanne took the thermometer out of my ass. She said I had a mild fever, nothing to worry about. She also said that she had to run out for awhile and that Pam would watch over me. What happened next was my first sexual experience.
Pam was a beautiful girl with long brown hair and a gorgeous body. She was very nice yet she had a certain dominant streak in her. She told me to just do as she said. I was still naked, lying on my stomach and Pam stayed in the room with me until we heard Suzanne’s car drive away. When I got up, Pam clearly saw that my penis was hard as a rock. She kinda laughed and asked me if I was turned on. Of course I said “yes”, but I was so scared I could hardly breathe. She asked me if I “played with myself”. I told her “yes, but not often”. She asked me if I thought she was sexy, and I again said “yes”. She asked if I wanted her to teach me about sex, but we could not have any real contact because I was a minor. I was still very nervous but I was excited so I once again told her “yes.”
She told me to run upstairs to her bedroom. When she joined me in the room she was still in her bikini, she locked the door and told me to stand on a small stool on the floor. She then asked me if I had ever seen a girl nude before. With that she simply stepped out of her bikini to expose her gorgeous nude body. She looked incredible. She had big firm tits and her pussy had a nice triangle patch of brown hair. She turned around and showed me her bare ass, it was big and full and round. She had been wearing her bikini to sun bathe so she had wonderful tan lines, her beautiful buns were a creamy white color offset by her bronze tan on the rest of her body.
I was so turned on I didn't know what to do. She told me she wanted to watch me jerk off as I looked at her naked body. I was so aroused that I climaxed in seconds. She then told me the lesson was over and she got dressed. So went my first sexual experience, although I never touched her and she never touched me.
Today, I'm really not that into the severe B&D activities, I really like the servitude and denial aspects of the FemDom lifestyle. I would really like to be in a relationship where I am made to wear a chastity device. I would really like to try that. I would like to find a woman who would control me that way. Anyway, thanks again for your site.
Such an experience would have a lasting impression on a young male. Pam must have been an exhibitionist and she got her thrill by knowing she could make you become erect and could cause you to orgasm simply by you gazing upon her body. Sometimes young women become enamored with the power they possess to cause males to become erect. Knowing that all they have to do is take off their shirt and males will grow an erection can be a powerful experience for a young woman.
Regardless of what motivated Pam, it no doubt had a lasting effect on your sexuality. You sound like you were a typical adolescent, sneaking peaks at Suzanne (and probably Pam) when they were sunning themselves. I bet long before this incident with Pam occurred, both Suzanne and Pam were the objects of your adolescent male fantasies. You probably fantasized that one of them would teach you the facts of life. Then when your fantasy became a partial reality, you became nervous and embarrassed.
I hope you can find a woman who will be open to experimenting with male chastity and the servitude aspects of the FemDom lifestyle. Your odds of getting a woman interested in those aspects of FemDom are much higher than if you were looking for a woman to embrace BDSM activities. Forty is still very young. You have many great years ahead of you. Get out there and experience life and treat all women with the respect they deserve. Here’s hoping you find that special woman. God Bless!