Female Domination and Spirituality: Questions about FemDom and How it relates to Religion, Christianity and Spirituality
Q. My husband and I have discovered your web site and it has really helped us. We particularly like the fact that you are a Christian. I am a very dominant woman and he is a very meek and submissive man. We both are Christians and we attend a church that we both really like and we respect the leadership there. However, they are all men. They have counseled us and they keep telling me to submit to my husband and allow him to be the leader. They tell him to rise up and take his proper place at the head of our marriage. We are conflicted. What should we do?
A. Search the scriptures yourselves and pray about finding another church. What if these men (well meaning I'm sure) said to your husband that they felt that he should lead the choir? Even if he doesn't have any musical skills and he isn't comfortable doing it, but they insist that that he take his proper place at the head of the choir. Lets say that you have great musical skills and talents and would be great at leading the choir, but these men insist that you take your proper place as the person changing the songs on the overhead projector. Would you do it? Not only would you and your husband be totally out of place, but the church would suffer as well.
It's the same with your marriage. Your husband doesn't want to rise up and be in charge. He is submissive and his strengths are in other areas. You on the other hand, are dominant and would be a natural as the head of your marriage. God gives us talents and abilities and we should utilize these and not try to be what we are not. Women are better equipped to lead the marriage. These men are following old traditions that have nothing to do with loving God or each other. So find a church that will allow you to be who you are and will encourage you to seek God and to read the scriptures for yourselves, and not a church that dictates to you what you must be and what you must believe. Christianity is a personal relationship between you and your Creator.
Q. Ms Sutton, I noticed on your profile page that your faith is Christian. I am also a Christian, but I noticed on other web sites of Dominant Women that they seem to worship nature and some are into witchcraft. How do you feel about these women? Also how can you claim to be a Christian, but ignore the Biblical teaching that the man is the head of the family and that women should be quiet in church?
A. Your second question answers your first. Some of my Dominant sisters spirituality has lead them into Goddess worship. This is different than witchcraft. They believe in a Supreme Being, however they view this Supreme Being as being totally female. I only half way agree with them. Some of them were raised in Christian churches, but the male dominant hierarchy and a male dominant interpretation of scriptures has driven these dominant women from the church. They still worship God, but they view God as a female, so they call her Goddess. Again, I only half way agree with them, because I believe God is neither gender, but rather a Spirit with both the female and the male characteristics. God has to contain both, or God could not have created both genders in his/her image.
If you would study the scriptures yourself and not just take what your church says as truth, you will discover that the species of man was made in God's image, and the first man was both male and female. God withdrew the female out of the man and created the woman. Then God rejoined them through marriage. The woman was never in subjection to her husband until after the fall of mankind and the Earth was cursed. The woman being in subjection to her husband was a curse as was painful child bearing. It wasn't originally meant to be this way. Thanks to the cross and the resurrection of Christ, we have been delivered from the curse and the Old Testament laws that placed people in religious bondage.
As far as women being quiet in the church, that is another misinterpretation of scripture. I don't believe that women are perfect. They have strengths and weaknesses as men do. That is why we need each other. One of the weaknesses of most women is that our minds are very active and we tend to talk more than most men. We are more social creatures. The early church must have had a problem with the women socializing a bit too much, so the Apostle Paul felt that he had to address this. Therefore, he told them to be quiet while church was taking place. That's all there is to this scripture. Male dominated religion has taken this scripture, as well as others that have been misinterpreted, to push down and rule women.
No wonder many out going and dominant women have left Christianity for other religions that are friendlier toward women. If these ladies only knew the true nature of the Christian God and his view of women, I believe these women would still be in the Christian church. I bolted from the Catholic Church myself, and I would never return or join a main line Protestant church for the same reasons.
Q. Elise, I also am a dominant woman who is a very devotee Christian. I hold both my Christian faith and my female domination lifestyle very dear to my heart. They are what I am all about. However, I must admit that sometimes I feel guilty about giving my sex life so much time and attention. I've heard it been said that in the big picture of life, sex is just another natural function like eating and sleeping, and we should not over indulge in any of these activities. In other words, all things in moderation. I respect your writings and opinions. How do you feel about this?
A. Good question. Sex is much more than a bodily function like eating and sleeping and the female domination lifestyle is much more than sex. Sex builds intimacy. It is about relationships and about marriage. It is two people becoming one. How can you put it in the same category as sleeping or eating?
Who created sex? God did and God wants you to have an active and healthy sex life. Human sexuality isn't just about reproduction or we would be like the animals. To animals, sex is just a bodily function. To people it is about romance. It is about love. It is about commitment. It is about intimacy. It is about bonding together. Sex is fun and God created it to be fun.
I am a sexual woman. I love to have sex. I love to have a lot of sex. I am not ashamed of it. It is a big part of life. Now you said that someone talked about it being like eating or sleeping. Well, you eat at least three times a day and you sleep approximately one third of your life. If only couples would spend as much time having sex as they do eating a week, they would be much happier and they would have a stronger marriage.
Also, Female domination is more than sex. Female domination is spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, social, and sexual. So don't feel guilty about having a healthy sex life and don't feel guilty about being a dominant female. Both are gifts from God and both are to be enjoyed.
Now I do believe that we are to be well-rounded people with balanced lives. I regularly attend church (now that I have found one that I am comfortable with), I pray everyday, and I read the Bible. I give generously to charity and I am always seeking to be used by God to touch other people's lives. So let me encourage you to continue to practice your faith, but also continue to enjoy your husband, your sexuality, and your female domination lifestyle.
Q. Elise, what do you think about the Christian organization Promise Keepers? It has been highly praised by Christian organizations and criticized by feminists. My husband was active in this movement a few years ago and I did notice some positive changes in him, but I wasn't crazy about him wanting to be the head of our marriage. The local weekly Promise Keepers do not meet anymore and I haven't heard much about them lately. What do you think about this organization?
A. Any organization that encourages men to keep their promises to their wives is OK in my book. Men are natural promise breakers. The only problem that I have with Promise Keepers or any men's organizations, is when wives trust an organization to straighten their men out, instead of taking the bull by the horns (or should I say male by the balls) themselves. A wife should demand a promise keeper and she can ensure that her husband is one, by disciplining him and properly training him herself. It is her responsibility to demand and to expect excellence from her man, not an all male organizations.
I think Promise Keepers is great in that it challenges men to live moral lives. I disagree with them when they tell men that they must take their proper place in their marriage as the head. I want a promise keeper for a husband, but I am the head of my marriage and as the head I guarantee that my man will be a promise keeper by keeping him on a short leash and disciplining him severely when he breaks any promises. It is the woman's responsibility to train her husband. Don't leave it to someone else or it will be only temporary. Organizations and movements come and go, but a good marriage is eternal. It's up to you to ensure that you have a good marriage.
Q. Ms Sutton, you say that you read the Bible and that you are a Christian. However you also talk about the desire for a Matriarch society. Doesn't the Bible predict how the world is going to end and isn't that day approaching soon? Also, do you believe in the Anti-Christ and do you think he is alive today?
A. The Bible doesn't talk about the end of the world as in the planet Earth, but rather the end of the age. The age it is talking about is the old age of sin and suffering. Christ is in the process of ushering in a new age of love and peace. Actually he has already ushered it in, but it just hasn't manifested itself yet.
I must be honest and tell you that I am not a student of Bible prophecy. I don't know when this age is going to end, or how. I just know that it is and it will be according to the plan and the will of God.
I also know that the Bible talks about a thousand year age that is coming, known as the millennial reign of Christ. It has been said that this will be a time where God will show the world what the world would have been like if man never rebelled and sinned. If this is true, maybe women will be in charge during this time. I don't know and I can't give you any scriptures to back that up, but then again there is not much of a description at all about this age. All we know is that there will be no wars and no violence. Animals will no longer be wild and all will worship God.
Either women will be in charge, or men will be drastically changed and more feminine. Either way, I am sure that women are going to continue to rise up and they will play a critical part in God's plan.
As far as the so-called Anti-Christ goes, I have no idea. Again, I don't study Bible prophecy very much. There have been a number of ruthless dictators that have tried to conqueror the world. All have been men of course, and as long as men are in control of this world, I am sure there will be more. If there is a world dictator who is Anti or against Christ, then this dictator will be a hater of women, because Christ is a lover of and the creator of women. Remember, it was a woman and the Spirit of God that birthed Christ into this world, totally apart from a man, which speaks volumes about the difference between the genders to me.
Q. Ms Sutton, I've done a lot of surfing the web about the subject of female supremacy. I love the concept, but I am bothered by a prevailing thought on a couple of these sites. They teach that Christianity is the enemy to ushering in a Matriarch society. They view it as nothing but a false religion devised to enslave women to be in submission to men. One site even suggested that the image of a son on a cross, was meant to pull at the emotional strings of women to draw them in, then once they are in they are enslaved by the patriarch rules and regulations. You are unique in that you are both a Christian and a Female Supremacist. What would you say to authors of these websites that have this negative view of Christianity?
A. I would tell them that they can not ignore truth and history. I would also tell them that I understand their views as I also use to think the same way. I know about the two websites that you are talking about. One is by a male and the other by a female. I've been a fan of the female that you are referring to, and I've learned from some of her writings. I kind of admire her, to tell you the truth. She is one dominant and superior lady. I just don't share her view of what a Matriarch society is about or how it will be achieved.
She is into Goddess worship and pagan religions. She feels that the Goddess is in the process of overthrowing the patriarch society and is going to usher in a Matriarch one. She has a vision of setting up a commune where the women and men can practice and live in a Matriarch society. This commune will worship the Goddess. Like her, I grew up kind of resentful of the way women were treated by men, especially by the Catholic Church. I grew up Catholic. I learned about Jesus and Christianity. When I got older, I rejected the Catholic Church and their patriarch ways. I tried no religion for awhile and then I tried many different religions. I searched out Goddess worship and read books about this belief system. I learned a lot. However at the end of the day, I could not ignore truth and history. Truth and history led me back to Christianity. Not the Catholic Church and not a Protestant church. It led me to Christ himself.
The other FemDom website is by a male college professor. He states that Christianity was started by a group of women hating Judaism monks. Actually, the Jewish religion persecuted Christianity. Christianity started with a small spark that was ignited by the earthly ministry of Christ. After his resurrection, this spark grew into a flame and it has set the world on fire. Both the Jewish religion and the powerful Roman Empire tried to put out this flame and stop this movement. They failed. Down through history, many have tried to put out this fire through persecution, be it the Inquisition or Communism, but this fire will never be extinguished because it is truth. Empires and governments come and go, but truth always remains.
Now have men taken the truth and changed it into a lie? Absolutely. Have men used Christianity to enslave women? Absolutely. Has Christianity developed into a patriarch organization in most churches? Absolutely. That is why women who are dominant and have discovered their feminine power, have left these main line churches and have turned to other religions. I can not hardly blame them. These women believe that God is female. They are not that far off.
As I have stated many times. God is a Spirit. God has both female and male traits and characteristics. Adam was both male and female. Eve was created by God pulling the female part of Adam out of him. Eve was God's most perfect creation. Through marriage, God rejoined them and they were complete. Women need men. Men need women. Adam was not over Eve. I believe that Eve had the stronger attributes. Because of the fall of man and the curse that came upon this world, women became in subjection to men. Thus was born the patriarch society. It was not God's original plan nor his will. Because of this patriarch society, God described himself as a Father to the men that he revealed himself to. He did this so they would view him as being in a position of authority. That is what mankind understood. If God had called himself Mother, these people would not have viewed God as being in authority. However, there are many scriptures that refer to God as female.
Christ came to redeem this cursed world and to restore things back. Christ had to be born as a male. The world never would have listened to him if he were a woman. Thus came the Father, Son relationship and description. Christ gained entrance into this world by being conceived by the Spirit of God and a woman. This way the nature of sinful man would not be present in him. He was the only loving, caring, gentle, and perfect male that was ever born. Women were very much a part of his ministry. The religious structure didn't like it and they attacked him about it, but Jesus was a lover of women (non sexually) and women were drawn to him. He had both male and female traits. He described his desire to love Israel as the motherly desire of a hen who gathers her chicks.
He is alive today and he still has both female and male traits. As does God, the Father/Mother. The scriptures say that in Christ there is neither male nor female. I don't view God as a man and I don't view Jesus as a human male. Religion does and that is where it fails. I have pictured God as a female before when I pray and I feel God's presence just as much as when I picture God as a man. I usually picture Jesus as a man because he came to earth as one. However, I don't view him as a human male. I always remember that he is gentle, kind, soft, compassionate, and merciful. He is just as much female as male.
Now let me talk about a Matriarch society. My vision is far different than those that believe in Goddess worship. The woman who wants to start the commune sees the male role as hunter and protector of the superior females. I am assuming that she sees society going back to more primitive times. I see society moving forward. My vision is for women to allow their God given dominant nature and their female power to come forth and for women to assume the proper positions of authority in our society. I believe that women are best suited to be in charge because they are not led around by what is between their legs. I believe that women are smarter than men. I believe that they were created superior. Therefore, they should rule over men. Men have many talents and abilities and there are many things that they do better than women. However, they need to be supervised by women. Women need men and men need women. Together they are complete. Both originated from God because God is both.
Q. Ms Sutton, from several of your web site writings, it's clear that you are a devout Christian. Like you, I was raised a Catholic. I am no longer, as much as one can be so, when heavily indoctrinated in his youth. You wrote, regarding me toward my wife, "your purpose in life is to make her happy." Is there a clearer articulation of the essence of Christianity? I think not. I'm not denominationally religious anymore. I can see, from your writing and my own theological background, that a purely-practiced femdom marriage would result in the man striving to become as Christ-like as possible toward and for his Queen. I suspect you don't wish to be this explicit and religious on your web site, but I'll bet I'm not far off your personal beliefs and feelings on this point. It is clear to me that, as I strive to please, serve, obey and honor my wife, I will, de facto, become a more Christian person. Becoming an extension of her will, for her happiness, sacrificing ultimately to please her. To serve another person as best as I can. This is definitionally what charity, love and Christ-like behavior is all about.
I am thinking here of your remark (and I don't have the quote) that Christ was the only perfect male who was ever born, because he was sensitive, caring, and possessing qualities more like a woman. This is a lot of what you are about, isn't it? It is such a more spiritual, virtuous side to female domination than most people would probably realize. Much more than sexually-charged power exchanges, but one person honestly striving to serve the other. It just sort of came to me this morning, when my mind connected many of your written points that I have read over the last few weeks. And, on this basis, I feel pretty good about that. I can get a great degree of satisfaction out of being a better person, in a Christian fashion, by practicing the worship and service of my wife. I'm not often spiritual anymore, but I always feel a duty to moral and ethical behavior.
This is a surprisingly satisfying manner in which to be moved to good, spiritual bases for behaviors. In reality, it gives me a feeling of a higher purpose to this effort of becoming my wife's servant and slave. So even if I haven't yet intellectually signed up to female superiority as a concept, I'll sign up to virtuous, selfless service to my wife in the manner of a true Christian, and on that basis, I long to be her slave. I truly think this will give me some lasting source of motivation that mere behavioral conditioning and good intentions won't provide. It also makes dealing with issues such as ego, male pride, societal based role expectations, etc., seem much less problematic, in the service of a worthy, spiritual goal.
A. That was very well put. Yes, that is a large part of what I am all about. To teach men how to serve women in a non-selfish manner. Your thoughts show that you have had a real revelation about what true female domination and female supremacy is all about. It does have a higher meaning and a higher goal. It isn't just about sexuality. Female domination is sexual, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Your words beautifully portray how female domination is compatible with Christianity. Christ showed us how to love one another unconditionally and sacrificially. He laid down his life for all of us. A husband should be willing to sacrifice himself for his wife. A wife shows her Christ-like love by disciplining her husband and fulfilling his submissive needs and desires. A husband shows his Christ-like love by submitting to her and giving himself to her. It is a very beautiful thing. A FemDom marriage is a higher marriage, in my opinion.
It takes so much more trust and openness to share with each other the most hidden secrets and desires within one's soul. Too many married couples have to hide their desires from each other. How sad that people hide their true selves from the one that they have chosen to spend their lives with. Female domination is all about the sharing and the fulfilling of both the submissive male's and the dominant female's desires. When done in love, it is a beautiful thing and it does portray a beautiful picture of true Christianity.
Q. Thirty seven years ago, I met & married a wonderful Girl. She was very sexually aggressive & liberal & that excited me. She was a unique blend. Very submissive in some ways & somewhat dominant in others. In our early years we played around a little with S & M. After about 4 years, she returned to the Christian faith of Her childhood & started praying me in to The Kingdom. I met Jesus as my Lord & Savior less than a year after & we concentrated on the Christian life. Through the Years the subject of S & M often came up and in 1992 events led us to a local group. She excelled in being a submissive rather than a dominant.
One of the ladies in the group dominated her while my wife dominated me. I was in slave heaven.
However my Wife had a close female friend who was very deeply into the Christian lifestyle. As time went on She persuaded my wife that we were in an immoral lifestyle & would not go to heaven. One night my wife woke me up to tell me that She would have no more involvement in the S&M lifestyle. As time went on, She was also convinced by Her friend that oral sex was wrong & accepted a very conservative view of Sexuality. She offered that I could continue S&M activities as long as I did not tell Her about them. Since that time I have been involved on a limited basis. The desires of S&M & The belief in Female Supremacy has always been there. Because of my Female Supremacy views I feel our marriage has worked & we are deeply committed & in love with each other.
A year ago I visited Your site & stated practicing Your suggestions for increasing the dominance of the wife. While She at first enjoyed the change, my wife is a natural submissive & enjoys waiting on me. Whenever I bring up the S&M subject she always says that type of life is not for Her & I am welcome to it but not to involve or tell Her. I am constantly tortured with strong S&M desires. Your web site removed most of the guilt that I have felt relating to this & I realize that this is just part of my personality. I have always been sexually true to my wife but I have very strong desires to submit, worship & be enslaved by a female dominator.
I am thinking of going to a professional or contacting a support group like Club Fem, whom I found in your links section. I love the Lord Jesus very much & I am in agreement with the views You expressed in the web site. I'd be interested in your comments.
A. My article advising men how to seduce and draw out their wives true dominant nature was written primarily for the husband's of wives who have no or little experience with Female Domination or D&S. Since your wife already knows about this lifestyle and has openly practiced it in the past, the suggestions I give in that article will not be as effective on her. She already knows the lifestyle and she has made the decision to pass on it at this time. Since she is passing on it for reasons of her Faith, you must respect and accept her decision. We all are responsible to God to obey our conscience, which is the voice of our spirit. If your wife feels that the Lord wants her to have nothing to do with this lifestyle, you must respect and accept that.
I just wish that her Christian friend would have allowed your wife to follow her conscience when she was participating in this lifestyle. It sounds like her friend used fear (by telling her that she would not go to Heaven) to get your wife to quit this lifestyle. God does not operate in fear but in Faith. Surely your wife realizes that none of us are worthy of Heaven and that our good works or our sacrifices in life, does not gain us an entrance to Heaven. The shed blood of Christ is the only reason any of us will ever make it into Heaven. Salvation is a gift and it does not need to be earned in any way but only accepted with faith and a thankful heart. That is the most fundamental of all Christian doctrine but for some reason, Fundamentalist Christians add a lot of extra rules to keep their flock in line. Her friend meant well, as I am sure that she was genuinely concerned about your wife's eternal future. Regardless of the reasons, your wife has made her decision and again, you must respect her and her decision. Do not try to change her mind.
As far as you are concerned, since your wife has given you permission to pursue this lifestyle, you can still worship and serve dominant women (if it fits within your own conscience). I would not recommend that you join an organization like ClubFEM without your spouse. It would not be a wise move to interact with a group of married and single women without your wife's knowledge (since she doesn't want you to tell her of your Female Domination pursuits). You could see a Pro Dom if you can find one that is a true Dominant Female or Female Supremacist and one that you feel comfortable with. To start out, you could begin with my associate, Ms Kathleen, for phone sessions. She is not only a Female Supremacist but she is also a very dedicated Christian. Her e-mail address is on my site.
Above all, still worship and serve your wife, just don't mention Female Domination to her. You can still have a worshipful and submissive attitude and spirit around her. Serve her and make sure that she is happy and that her needs are met. If she wants to be submissive toward you as well, then allow her but also be submissive toward her. Your submissive attitude will stir her dominant nature and there very well could be times where she takes an aggressive and dominant posture with you in the bedroom, which should fulfill some of your submissive needs in the sexual realm. Your wife has tasted of this lifestyle and I am sure the desire to dominate you will be present with her at times. Your submissive attitude toward her will stir her dominant desires and hopefully in the future she may be open to dominate you some in the bedroom, if it fits within her conscience. I do wish you all the best.
Q. Ms Sutton, I admire you and your beliefs. I am a Christian man struggling with submissive desires. I would like to know how you interpret this passage from the Bible:
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of
the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to
their husbands in everything.
I would really appreciate it if you could give me your thoughts on this. I really think it is very important. Thank you for your precious time.
A. The more important question is what does this scripture mean to you? The Word of God is alive and without the Spirit breathing life into it and speaking to us through it, than it is just a dead religious book. God can speak to different people in different ways through the same scriptures. To try to obey the Bible as a law of commandments, will bring spiritual and legalistic bondage and thus will produce no life in the reader, but rather a critical and judgmental spirit that Jesus warned the religious leaders about.
To me, that passage is talking about the man being the Spiritual covering (head) of the woman. It has nothing to do with a wife obeying a husband in earthly things but is talking about the woman submitting to the Christ nature in her husband. It is the husband's responsibility to pray for his wife and family and to cover them with prayer. Even within a FemDom marriage, a husband is responsible to God to provide for and care for his family.
However, the wife can still run the marriage and the husband can submit to the wife. You omitted the scripture right before this passage (Ephesians 5:21) which says that the husband and the wife should submit one to another. The wife should submit to the Christ nature and spiritual covering of the husband but the husband may submit to the wife in other areas, if they so choose. God does not forbid the man submitting to the woman in the bedroom or in the natural things in life. As a matter of fact, I believe that the woman is better equipped to rule the home. The scripture just after your passage tells men that they need to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. In other words, husbands should be willing to die for and give their all for their wives. Talk about the ultimate submissive nature. Religious men are quick to quote Ephesians 5:22-24 but they omit Ephesians 5:25-28.
The man is physically stronger and is the woman's protector and servant. Like I said, I believe that the woman is better equipped to rule the home. Look at a woman's God given talents and strengths and you will see who God equipped to be in charge of the home. But that is my interpretation of this passage. You must reconcile it within your own conscience.
One more point, when reading scriptures, it is important that we realize the culture that they were written in. Women were not educated during the Apostle Paul's time and thus men had to be in charge of most institutions. Paul was writing to a male dominated society. But God's plan is ever unfolding and now women have been liberated and educated. They are now equipped to be Pastors and leaders in the church, as well as in the home, in government and in business. Paul also told slaves to obey their masters but we know that God is against the institution of forced slavery. As God's plan unfolded, God freed the slaves and God liberated women. Society evolves and women are coming into their rightful positions. Back during this time, women were ill-equipped to rule due to a lack of education and being held down by a male dominated society. Today is a new day and Women are liberated. So keep this in mind when reading the scriptures. Read the Bible more with your spirit and less with your mind and God will be able to talk to you directly through his Word, as it applies to our world today and as it applies to your individual life.
Q. Ms Sutton, you are obviously an intelligent woman who is well schooled in a number of subjects, including in the areas of spirituality and Christianity. However, I really wish you would exclude those areas from your site because you do a great injustice to the name of Christianity.
I am a Pastor and hold a Doctorate degree in Theology. More importantly, I am a dedicated Christian and follow the literal interpretation of the Bible. Why is this Pastor reading your sexual oriented web site? I could lie and say that I am doing research or that someone in my congregation asked me my opinion on your site. However, I must admit that I have struggled with submissive desires my entire adult life and sometimes in moments of weakness, I search the web for FemDom sites and I occasionally read FemDom material. I am a flawed man that is trying his best to live a Godly life in an ungodly world. The difference between you and I is that I do not try to justify my sexual desires by using the Bible.
While you may read the Bible and believe in Christianity, you obviously have tunnel vision and you knowingly or unknowingly bend the scriptures to fit within your female supremacy belief system. Therefore, Christianity is secondary to female supremacy within your belief system. You certainly have the right to have a site where people can discuss and partake of your beliefs in female supremacy but I wish you would leave the spirituality out of it because your teachings will only lead well meaning Christians astray.
A. When I first created my site, I put together a personal profile where I very briefly described my background, my education and my overall philosophy. I included my spirituality because it allows the reader to better understand my overall philosophy and outlook on life. I feel it was important for me to do this for the following reason.
I have counseled with a number of men over the years with submissive desires and a common emotion that these men struggle with is the emotion of guilt. The two primary sources for this guilt are societal expectations and religious upbringing. So in order to properly counsel these men, I have to address both of the primary sources of their guilt. When I tell a client that I am indeed a Christian woman who has had to confront my own internal battles with societal expectations and religious upbringing, it sets my client's mind at ease and it opens him up to share with me and to receive from me. That is the primary reason I included my spirituality in my personal profile and based on the feedback that I have received, I am glad that I did.
By me sharing my faith, it has not only helped submissive men to come to terms with their natures and spirituality, but it has also helped women to overcome their guilt and inhibitions in embracing their dominant natures. I receive e-mails all the time from women and couples thanking me for sharing my spirituality because it was the final piece that held them back from embracing their natures and assuming their proper roles within the marriage. The result has been improved sex lives, a new bond of intimacy and happier marriages. Jesus taught us that we could tell if something is good or bad by inspecting the fruit on the tree, for only a good tree can produce good fruit. In my opinion, a better marriage and a deeper bond of intimacy is good fruit. Overcoming guilt and embracing an active and healthy sex life is good fruit. Coming to terms with one's sexuality and one's nature is good fruit. We are not to judge each other but we are allowed to examine the fruit in one's life before we embrace what they are saying.
I hope that I do not have tunnel vision as I try to approach all subjects with an open mind. I have been accused of viewing Female Domination through Christian colored glasses and now you are saying that I view Christianity through Female Supremacy colored glasses. I think the factual statement is that both my Christian faith and my female supremacy beliefs are at the core of who I am. I view life through the two lenses of my spirituality and my FemDom philosophy. It is hard for me to separate the two because while there is a time and a place for each of these areas in my life, they also overlap at times.
Female Domination comprises a person's entire being. It is physical, it is psychological, it is social, and it is spiritual. There are spiritual aspects to female domination. The level of that spirituality varies from person to person and from couple to couple, but most people who have practiced this lifestyle for a decent amount of time, will tell you that they have experienced some form of the spiritual side of FemDom. We are spiritual beings and the Bible does teach that sex is not only a physical act but also a spiritual act. The spiritual is only a part of this lifestyle and it is by no means the whole. But to ignore the spiritual part would be to present an incomplete picture of what Female Domination really is. It would limit the scope and the breadth of the discussion of Female supremacy and male submission. The reality is that people struggle with the religious and spiritual implications of embracing this lifestyle, so this needs to be addressed and discussed in an open manner. Truth need not fear the light of day. Only error forbids scrutiny that comes from people reasoning together.
Q. Like you, I write as a psychologist with a PhD and several other honours and qualifications who has been a University Teacher. As a mere man it is a privilege being able to access your wonderful web site for free. I wonder why you are so kind and do not restrict access and then charge men a significant fee to enter? You could become a rich woman dispensing all this helpful free advice from which men can benefit. Thank you so much. Whilst I totally accept that your time is too precious to squander by replying to e-mails from men, I would nevertheless feel very honored if you were to judge it worth posting the following submission on your web site. It just might help some of your readers who are struggling to marry their sincerely held, Bible-based Christian beliefs with a desire for a female dominant relationship with their wives.
I write, like you, as a Christian and therefore as someone who regards the Bible, as properly understood, as the supreme authority to follow on maters of doctrine and behavior. I therefore cannot duck the teaching that refers to man as the 'head' within a marriage. However, as I hope to explain below, I think if one really looks at the nature of this 'headship' as revealed in scripture, your readers will see that the desire of a Christian man to submit to a dominant wife, does not need to be inconsistent with a Biblical view of the relationship between man and woman within marriage. Indeed, I would even contend that in some respects it more nearly reflects the God-ordained ideal. Men really have to take more seriously how scripture teaches they are to love their wives, but more of this below.
I must admit that as a psychologist I was disturbed by the recent submission from a Christian Pastor on your web site. He was struggling with his own submissive feelings towards women, which somehow (mistakenly I believe) he seemed to imply are sinful, whilst at the same time he was encouraging you to keep your own Christian faith in a compartment, quite separate from your female dominant lifestyle. It would not only be unhealthy from a psychological point of view to live with discordant beliefs, but also it would be hypocritical as a Christian. Your reply was excellent. Unless you or anyone else can hold your spiritual and secular belief systems in harmony with each other, one or other of them must be wrong and needs to be changed. I hope the following submission may prove helpful to readers with concerns like this Pastor. Only recently have I, personally, really looked at what the Biblical text is actually saying and taken to heart the implications for me (and other men) free from the prejudices of past interpretations.
From Genesis it is clear that God is neither male nor female so when God made man in his own image, the Bible is referring to mankind in general rather to just man as one half of the human species. The female side of mankind was removed from Adam and woman was created to be man's 'helper'. As you most usefully point out in the original Hebrew, the word 'ezer' is used, the same word as that used to describe God as our helper, from a position of strength and authority. Logically, woman could not act as such a helper were she not created to be superior to man. As a man, I have to accept that woman was indeed God's final and most glorious creation, nevertheless man and woman were recombined to be 'one flesh' through marriage. In this perfect, sinless relationship between the sexes before the fall there is no suggestion that woman was in any way subservient to man, indeed quite the opposite, as man's 'helper' she had a superior role to play in the marriage relationship.
It may be for this reason that to tempt man to rebel against God, the Devil first undermined his helper. To this day, it takes a lot of moral courage for a man to resist being led astray by a woman, whereas most women typically demonstrate greater moral strength to resist doing wrong when men try to lead them astray. Having accomplished the more difficult task of first tempting woman to fall, as far as the Devil was concerned man was a 'push over,' he could just delegate it to the woman to do the tempting of man for him. Women are definitely morally superior to men. As a consequence of the fall, man was set to work by the 'sweat of his brow' to provide for both his needs but also those of women for whom childbirth became more painful. Thus in scripture it is clear that even in his fallen state, man is expected by God to work to provide for the needs of women. Although it almost died out in our culture, in old fashioned manners whereby men gave up their seats for ladies or opened doors for them, and concepts of male chivalry, there are the vestiges of this natural order in which, even fallen man implicitly acknowledged the superiority of women and his responsibility to care for her. As an older man I can never understand why women did not seem to want this preferential treatment by men to continue alongside being given equal opportunities and pay in the workplace. Women have every right to expect both. Fortunately, there are some encouraging signs that many younger women are now coming to realise that they deserve and should expect both: equal or preferential opportunities, as well as deference from men with respectful manners. More 'power to them' I say.
We then come to Verse 10 in Genesis Chapter 3. Speaking to the woman it reads 'Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you'. Does this imply a God-ordained destiny as a result of the fall for man to have authority and rulership over women? God is simply stating, as fact that as a result of the fall, because of his greater physical strength, man will typically 'master' or dominate women, who will nevertheless still desire the men, but probably in something of a controlling way like sin in our lives. God was doing no more than acknowledging that as a result of the fall, the battle of the sexes had begun. Man would in practice come out on top by brute force, not because God intended it this way, far from it, but as a consequence of sin.
It was thus as a result of sin, that women so often have been abused and made subservient to men. However, it is abundantly clear from scripture that this state is a perversion, that is, a reversal of what God had intended. It is only through Christ's death and atoning sacrifice that the intended relationship between man with woman as his loving, but superior 'helper' can be restored. This becomes the ideal for Christian men and women to strive after, rejecting the perverted state in which men, as a result of sin, seek to rule over women. Male dominated society is an abomination, which has come about as a result of the fall through men abusing their greater physical strength and brute force. This sad state of affairs is however predicted as certain to happen in Genesis 3 as a result of sin. God made men physically stronger but they have abused their strength.
We find clear instructions in the New Testament for what should be the God-ordained relationship between husbands and wives. We need to look at Paul's letter to the Ephesians in Chapter 5 where we find that husbands are told to love their wives as 'Christ loved the church.' That was by giving himself for the church in selfless sacrifice and service. In Verse 28, Paul goes on to teach that husbands are to love their wives 'as their own bodies', to love them as they love themselves. 'After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the Church' (Verse 29). Wow, this is some standard for a man to meet! I ask, how a Christian man who takes this teaching seriously, cannot but accept that God expects from him diligent and selfless service to his wife, putting her needs and interests first and caring for her with the same love and devotion with which he looks after himself.
Even as a God serving, redeemed, but still a fallen, sinful man, he is destined in his own strength to fail. Surely he needs both Christ and his wife as his 'helper', if he is to meet the command to love his wife as his own body. Wives are nowhere instructed to love their husbands in this same selfless way. Rather they are told earlier in the Chapter to 'submit to their husbands in everything, as the husband is head of the wife'. However, the husband is to exercise this headship as 'Christ is head of the church.' In other words it is a paradoxical headship of love and sacrificial service to his wife, a headship which gives man authority only to seek to meet his wife's needs as he does those of his own body, albeit from his position of greater physical strength.
I have difficulty interpreting this teaching on how men are to behave towards their wives other than seeing behaviour required very much like that shown by a man when he submits to his wife in a female dominant partnership. How else can a husband make his wife's needs and wishes a priority over his own in selfless, sacrificial service towards her? I cannot here in scripture find any justification for male domination of women or for men expecting their wives to obey them. These forms of behaviour are surely not consistent with the intended relationship between men and women in marriage? A man is to demonstrate his headship only by sacrificial service to his wife. He demonstrates his manhood by so doing. There is nothing weak or non-masculine in a man submitting to his wife in loving and diligent service, willingly seeking to please her and make her wishes a priority above his own. Indeed it is a coward of a man who fails to do so, or worse still, abuses his wife, by demanding or expecting her to serve his needs. His body and physical strength are to be at the disposal of his wife.
Returning to the wife, it is nowhere taught that she is to serve her husband in the same self-sacrificial way, as he is to behave towards her. Rather she is to 'submit to her husband in everything.' Now how does a Christian wife 'submit' to a husband who the Bible teaches should be striving to love her as he loves his own body, which he can do only by making her needs his priority? Logically, both partners cannot simultaneously make the other's needs and pleasures predominant, the man has to do this, not the woman. So surely the required 'submission' of a wife in this situation can only be by her endeavours to help her husband fulfil his duties towards her. She must submit to his need for help with his mission towards her from her role as his superior 'helper,' from her position of strength and authority.
What is more, she must give her husband such help in his task of serving her by submitting in this way to his needs 'in everything,' that is pervasively, in all everyday aspects of their relationship together, not just within the bedroom. However, 'everything' includes the bedroom, where it remains the husband's sexual responsibility to please his wife as a priority, as he loves his own body. Thus we see a wife should submit to her husband in the same way as a mother, she submits to the needs and demands of her children, that is by helping them grow and mature into right living adults, by her encouragement and at times, by administering much needed firm discipline for their own good. Now some men will look to their wives only for loving support and encouragement in a vanilla marriage. That is quite Biblical, but it is also fully consistent with scripture and, I would have thought more likely to achieve the outcome that a Christian husband desires, for a man to ask his wife to submit to his need for help in his mission to serve her, by treating him as her slave in a female dominant relationship. All such partnerships should be safe, sane and consensual and thus in a real sense consistent with the husband's instructions as the 'head' of the wife.
Many a Christian man will find it much easier to fulfil his loving duties of service to his wife, if his wife complies with his desire and request to be punished, perhaps even quite physically severely, when he has failed to please her. Furthermore, occasionally a wise and loving wife will give her husband an unprovoked painful reminder of her authority, to reinforce his submission to her, that is just to keep him good! Some men will find a written slave contract provides a helpful basis for their duty of loving service to their wives. The fact that both parties may gain pleasure from this relationship in which the man is supported by his wife in his duty to love her as he loves his own body is surely a God given blessing. It shows that staying within the intended relationship between man and woman in marriage is satisfying and it can strengthen a God blessed marriage.
I wish more wives would see it more explicitly as her Christian duty to make sure her husband fully complies with his responsibility to serve and please her by making him more genuinely her slave. It would make it easier for him to love, honour and obey her in the same way as he treats his own body, forcing it to keep fit, avoiding tobacco and alcohol, for example, in order to be best prepared for service to his wife.
I believe some of the practices of women and men who have a D/S lifestyle would be condemned in scripture, but none of those involving the submission of a man to his wife which are sane, safe and consensual, within the intimacy of the married relationship.
A. Thank you for that well researched and well written Bible study. I agree whole heartily with your conclusions. As I have stated many times, Female Domination is perfectly compatible with Christianity. The religious and organized Church has been deceived and mistaken for centuries in their teachings on marriage and the male/female relationship. The Church has held women down and has given husbands a false license to dominate and even abuse their wives based on an errant interpretation of scriptures.
The fact is that God created Women as superior to men. I am not saying that in a prideful or boastful manner but rather in humility, as our superiority is to be used for the good of mankind and to fulfil God's plan. The marriage relationship has been out of balance and that is why there are so many divorces and problems. Men and Women have been in the wrong roles within the marriage relationship. The husband is the spiritual head (covering) but the wife is equipped to rule the husband from a loving position of superiority. A Female Domination marriage is a win/win situation for both the Dominant wife and the submissive husband. Just the way God created it to be.
All I ask of those that disagree with me is to search the scriptures themselves. Lay aside what you have been taught and get a good Bible concordance and translate scriptures yourself from their original Hebrew and Greek meanings. We no longer live in the dark ages where the Bible was only allowed to be read by and explained by the Church. Everyone can obtain a copy of the Bible in different translations so they can research these things out themselves in order to see if the things they are being taught are so.
Unless you study to show yourself approved, then you will blindly believe and follow any doctrine that comes down the pike. Some of what we were taught as children is solid doctrine but a lot of it was false based on the traditions of men and not on the living word of God. Even if the majority of Christians who happen upon my site never agree with my personal interpretation of these scriptures, I hope at the very least that I have challenged them to question what they have been taught and to research for themselves, in order to allow God to lead them into truth, as God's plan is ever unfolding.
Q. Elise, I'm a little uncertain about the principle of female "superiority." I feel I'm here on earth to honor the divinity within all life. I appreciate having power and control, but it is not something I like to wield over others. That feels to me to be an abuse of power. True strength springs from within, is self-satisfied, and is a gift that I offer. I have all the power of the universe at my disposal at any moment and I feel it's my joyful duty to humbly respect that gift, not to use it to further my own ego-gratification. I'm truly curious to know if there's any way you can reconcile to me the idea that there is any value in being dominant over another. It seems to me that the dominance paradigm is exactly that which has put us in the place of destroying the earth (using the earth to our "benefit" without honoring her natural cycles & wild places), dishonoring other cultures (slavery, sweatshops, racial supremacy...) and disrespecting our fellow human beings.
Perhaps there are so many submissive men because they need to find something greater than themselves, and greater than the collective culture. True, the current paradigm doesn't allow for men to be vulnerable or to fully respect women. But perhaps the greater force they are looking for is not a dominant woman, but a holy spirit, a radiant love from within. How many men, how many women even, have surrendered to God? How many have cried oceans of tears, releasing the burdens of lifetimes past? How many have felt the pain of the earth and all those who suffer? How many are not afraid to truly laugh, and deeply cry? How many are not afraid to lose everything for the truth of the heart?
In truth, a submissive man doesn't turn me on. What does inspire my love and passion is a man who is whole unto himself. Happy, content, self-confident, loving, tender, vulnerable and red-hot-passionate. Can we be equals and still feel the source of power?
A. You sound like a very interesting woman. I think it is great that you are such a spiritual woman and I appreciate your very thoughtful question.
I wouldn't get too hung up on the words Domination, Supremacy or Superiority. I primarily use these words due to the effect they have on the submissive male's psyche. These words trigger powerful images within men when preceded with the word "Female" and to a submissive man a word can be worth a thousand mental pictures because one word like Domination can trigger the library of images that he has stored in his mind. A more accurate description of my beliefs would be Loving Female Authority.
Do I believe women are the superior gender? Yes, but not in an egotistical sense or a selfish manner. I have studied societal roles and the characteristics of women and men and in my humble opinion, God has blessed both women and men with gifts and talents but the female has been equipped to govern the man in love. I believe that society has had it backwards for centuries but I also see a societal evolution where women are being empowered and both men and women are beginning to assume their natural roles.
I believe that when women are in charge of society, they will better care for God's earth and all of God's creations. Men are overly aggressive and violent and are in need of loving female rule to tame their aggression and sometimes destructive natures. I love your vision where all life co-exists in peace and harmony but that will never occur with the male gender in control. When one understands the male nature, it is easy to see why so many wars have been fought throughout history and continue to this day. Men will gravitate toward a physical and aggressive resolution to problems. It is easier to hate and to attack then it is to resolve matters in a peaceful and humble manner. Yet, the aggressive male gender has within him this desire to submit to the female. It is the female who has the ability to tame the beast nature within man. Show me a peaceful man and I'll show you a man whom a woman has reached and tamed. Be it his mother, wife, or some other female in his life.
The female domination lifestyle touches the spiritual as a spiritual power is released when a woman dominates a man. Many couples that practice this lifestyle have testified to the spiritual experiences during D&S sex or a D&S scene. When a man obtains subspace, he surrenders his will and aggressive nature and he basks in his submission and the peace and tranquility it produces. I believe that just as God created sex to be physically pleasurable, God gave women a sexual power that when men surrender to it, it produces mental and emotional pleasure.
Why are men overly aggressive and violent? While it is true that testosterone contributes to it, it is more than just biological. Men need to be tamed by the female. Without female authority, the beast nature becomes frustrated and in turmoil. This leads to insecurity and insecurity leads to ego and ego leads to pride and pride opens a man up to all kinds of destructive behavior. The male ego and male pride have wrecked much havoc on the world. Men need and desire loving female rule and authority. Call it Female Domination, Supremacy or Superiority but all of these terms are fueled by the desire within the submissive man to surrender to the female.
I agree with you that the biggest problem in this fallen and cursed world is that people (both women and men) do not submit themselves to their Creator and receive the forgiveness and tranquility that only God can give. However, I believe that God is a God of structure and God designed human beings with a need for structure. That is why humankind creates and builds structured institutions like the Family, Governments, Religions, Corporations, Clubs and other Organizations. People need structure and organized units. In order for a unit to function, it must have hierarchy and for hierarchy to exist, there must be authority. There must be a head of a Government, a Company, a Military, an Organization and a Family. Collective rule will not work because rarely will multiple decision makers agree and this leads to strife and arguments and the organization cannot move forward. There must be ultimate authority and hopefully it will be loving authority.
God is our ultimate authority if we are wise enough to recognize it and submit to it. Submission to divine authority brings blessing and harmony. Likewise, submission by a man to a woman will bring blessing and harmony because strife will cease and the unit can move forward in a positive direction. Communism failed because it did not take into account the nature of people. People must never be ruled by force because fear does not produce true submission. Communism became nothing more than a Dictatorship and just as bad as Fascism. Only willful submission to loving authority can bring peace and a common good. Forced slavery is evil because it violates the dignity of people by taking away their free will. Female Domination is about willful submission to loving authority.
You said a submissive man does not turn you on but you prefer a man who is whole unto himself. I think you are confusing the word submission with something else. Most submissive men are men who are true to themselves and their natures. They swim against the tide of what society tells them they must be and they have the courage to embrace their true natures. Most submissive men are passionate because submission to a woman unleashes passion within both the submissive man and the dominant woman. D&S taps into a passion that vanilla couples rarely discover. A submissive man desires to worship a woman and to serve her in an unselfish manner and this leads to romance and passion. To dominate a man who desires and craves to be dominated is an act of love and not an act of selfishness. Female Domination originated from the desire of men. It is the submissive man who yearns and desires to submit to a woman. That is what liberates the woman and frees her dominant nature so she can be what she was created to be. It is similar to how the rain and the sun unleashes the beauty in a blossoming flower.
In conclusion, let me reiterate how much I appreciate your intelligence, sincerity and spirituality. You are not the first woman who was turned off by the words domination, supremacy and superiority. However, I hope you can look past how men have misused their positions of authority and power and see how Loving Female Authority is different. Men have dominated by force and from the top down. Female Domination is from the bottom up as it is the submissive man who is willfully submitting to the woman in the hope that she will dominate him in love. It is the woman's responsibility to use her power and authority for the common good of all.
Q. Dear Elise- My girlfriend and I have recently started a FemDom relationship at her behest. I have long had submissive feelings toward women and have admired them for their grace, beauty, and power. But now my girlfriend wants me to literally worship her as a Superior Being, a Goddess if you will, in both physical and psychological aspects. However, I am having trouble with this request. I am reminded that worshipping any other than Jesus Christ would be committing sin. Not only that, I would be breaking 2 of the Ten Commandments as I would also be guilty of idolatry in the physical act of worshipping my Mistress.
I have brought this subject up before to my girlfriend, but she is a staunch believer in female supremacy and says that it is okay for me to worship God's most perfect creatures on earth. However, this explanation does not disperse my feelings and apprehension on this topic, as I believe the words of the Bible are quite clear. How can I get past this obstacle? Should I worship my Mistress or risk refusing to follow her wishes under religious reasons? I know you are well trained in religion, Elise, and your input would be most valuable.
A. I cannot tell you what to do about this situation, as it is a spiritual matter between you and God. We are always wise to obey our conscience about these matters. What does your heart say? Notice I said heart and not mind. Are you against doing what your girlfriend is asking based on what you feel God is telling you or are you basing it on the traditions you learned as a child from a male dominated culture?
What is idolatry? Is it not placing your trust in something other than God? I don't think that is what your girlfriend is asking you to do. However, men who trust their religion more than God are guilty of committing idolatry. Remember that God put this commandment in those stone tablets because as Moses was receiving the commandments, the people were worshipping and praying to a calf statue made out of gold. They were trusting an inanimate object to deliver them from the harsh conditions of the wilderness. The symbolism of this event plays in today's society as people trust in money(gold) more than they do God. That is idolatry.
The Bible is a wonderful gift to us as it is God's word to us. But it must be read with your heart and your spirit, not your mind. To the brain, it is a dead, religious book. But to the spirit, it is food for the spirit. Therefore, men who build religions around a strict, to the letter interpretation of the Bible, have actually made the Bible an idol, as they trust it more than they do God. Just something for you to think about because I have found Christianity to be about a personal, one on one relationship with our Creator. If I trust my religion more than I trust my personal walk with God, then I have made my religion an idol.
It sounds like your girlfriend is challenging you to explore the spiritual aspects of the female domination lifestyle. I am sure she does not feel she is a deity. It sounds like she wants you to recognize her superiority over you and she is demanding that you worship her as your earthy Goddess. She represents the feminine to you and she wants to humble you and thus tame your male ways with her feminine power. I believe that the female does possess a God given power. I call it the latent power of Eve.
It is a beautiful thing when a man humbles himself before a woman and worships her as his earthly Goddess. Humility is an important aspect of Christianity. Jesus humbled himself before his disciples as he washed their feet during the last supper. Was he committing idolatry? No, he was serving them and teaching them how to serve one another.
When a man serves his wife, be it on the physical, intellectual or spiritual plain, he is not committing idolatry but rather he is being trained in the loving arts of humility and servitude. When you bow before your superior Goddess, you are recognizing her supreme position over you. You are not exalting her above God. If you did that, then you would be committing idolatry. But if you exalt her as your earthly Queen and Goddess, you should be able to rectify that with your conscience. You could even worship the feminine side of God through your devotion to your earthly Queen but again that is between God and your conscience.
I know some women who actually make their submissive men pray to them. They make them perform rituals as they worship their earthly Goddess. I have never embraced that sort of female domination due to my conscience. However, men have asked me if they could pray to me as their earthly Goddess. I explain to them that they should pray for me and not to me. I like it when they humble themselves and bow their will to the female gender and if they want to submit to my feminine power via a prayer ritual, then I have no problem with that as long as they recognize that I do not possess any power outside of what is God given. Therefore it is best if they pray for me instead of to me. I encourage men who want to explore the spiritual side of female supremacy to get in the habit of spending more prayer time praying for the women in their lives than they do praying for themselves. This exercise teaches men not to be self-centered but to be others centered and to be female centered.
I am sure if you will talk this over with your girlfriend, that she would not have a problem if you devote extra prayer time praying for her and her needs. It would also be great if you thanked God daily for giving you an earthly Goddess whom to serve and if you asked God to help you to be the servant that she needs. That would be a great exercise in humility and self-sacrifice. Of course, you should still humble yourself in your Queen's presence and confess to her your devotion and humility. She wants you to exalt her in your mind as being superior to you. That can be a positive thing as long as you do not exalt her in your mind above your personal relationship with God.
These are just suggestions but ultimately you must decide based on your own conscience. Trust what your heart is saying to you. Set aside your religious traditions and embrace the spiritual. As a Christian, always remember that if the Bible were enough to guide us and to save humankind, then there would have been no need for God to send Christ to die for us. God desires a relationship with us, not another religion based on fear and intimidation.
Q. Elise, Loved your site, especially some of the stories. However, I'm writing about this line from your self-description page:
"I am also tolerant of other religions and beliefs, however I must admit that I have a real problem with any religion that makes women wear veils or treats them as second class citizens."
There are extremist Muslims and radical fundamentalist factions within Islam. The same is true of Christianity, although the other guys have us beat right now for sheer hatred. There are also lots of Muslims who treat their women like crap and that is very backward. But there are people all over the world who treat their women horribly, and it is not because of religion. Religions reflect the people who made the religions, and what they wanted to do anyway.
A. I did not mean to offend your religion. The key phrase in my quote you sited is "any religion". I did not mention Islam or Muslims by name. I am also outspoken against Christian denominations, like Mennonites or Amish, who require that their women wear a covering for their heads.
Religion fears the sexuality of women and places burdens on the women because men cannot control their sexual thoughts and urges. One's faith is a condition of the heart. Legalism will not make people pure and holy. Women should not be burdened and treated as less than men in the name of religion, be it Muslim or Christian.
Q. Ms Sutton please accept my congratulations for Your wonderful site, I feel very lucky for reading Your site and it has helps me a lot and changed my life to better than before.
I am in love with the most beautiful and intelligent Woman I have ever met in my life. We are going to marry as soon as it is possible and have been talking a lot of times about our future life together.
She has created a contract about our marriage and I have to sign that contract otherwise She won't marry me. I love Her very much and I can't imagine myself without Her in my life. I live to serve and take care of Her.
She is a Muslim Woman but I am a Christian man and believe in God and Jesus. She has decided I change my religion and as I've said, I must sign that contract. She believes in the socialization of society but I don't. I have to change my politics as well.
I have read on your site about those things sometimes and I firmly believe in Woman superiority and Female authority over me. I feel great respect and admiration for Women and I try always to show my respect, in front of all other people, through my manner and words to Women.
What must I do for those rules that She has decided for me? I don't want to lose Her.
A. It sounds like you need to examine your priorities in life. What kind of a Christian are you if you would be willing to reject Jesus for a woman? I can't answer that question for you but it seems to me that your faith is awfully weak if you would turn your back on your faith because a woman demanded that of you. Are you willing to risk your soul for this woman?
It seems to me that she is secure in her faith and she is not willing to change for you. I admire her for that. I cannot say the same for you. If you choose her faith because you believe in your heart that her faith is truth, then that would be one thing. But to change your faith to a faith you do not believe in just to be with a woman seems to me that your priorities are way out of line here.
I think you need to settle in your heart what you really believe as far as your spirituality goes. If you believe in Christianity, than nothing should ever change that belief. No woman, no lifestyle, no form of politics should change your beliefs. People have willfully died for their faith, refusing to reject their faith no matter how brutally they were tortured. You do them a great disservice to reject your God for sex or submissive fulfillment.
You need to decide what you believe and than you need to have an honest discussion with this woman. If she loves you and if she wants you, she will accept you regardless of your religion. But if her religious beliefs forbid her to be with you, than it is best for you both that you go your separate ways. There are dominant Christian women and there are submissive Muslim men. I know because I receive letters from both. I do wish you both all the best.
Q. Hi Elise, On the Focus on the Family website, I read that one man out of five was sexually abused as well as one woman out of four. I was sexually abused in my childhood and I am just (!!) discovering the consequences that it can have (I am 25 years old). Unfortunately, I know other people who were sexually abused also.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could use your knowledge to discuss the impact on individuals (both genders) and the impact it can have on a FemDom relationship. I know it is a vast topic but I
feel it needs to be addressed. To be more specific, what impact can it have if the submissive was sexually abused and what impact if it is the dominant who was sexually abused? What if both were sexually abused? Thank you for your precious time.
A. You are correct, this is a vast topic that cannot be addressed in a few paragraphs. The person who has been sexually abused as a child should consider seeking counseling, especially if they are having problems relating to their significant other or if they feel they are sexually dysfunctional. However, the desire for D&S is not a symptom of being sexually dysfunctional. Being unable to receive love or intimacy or being unable to give love or intimacy would be a symptom of someone in need of counseling.
Each person is different and each experience is different, so that is why the person who was sexually abused as a child needs individual attention. There are so many factors that must be considered like the gender of the abused and the gender of the abuser. While all forms of child abuse are immoral and criminal, the psychological effects on the victim will be different based on the type of abuse. There is touching and then there is molestation. There is what could be classified as a pre-mature sexual encounter and then there is rape. There is the questionable touching of a male child by a female authority figure and then there is the violation of a male child by an adult male. Studies reveal that homosexual incidences take a more emotional toll on the innocent child. Studies also reveal that males commit the vast majority of child abuse.
In my opinion, Female Domination is not as impacted by the ramification as one would think. D&S is definitely impacted but not so much FemDom because the majority of abuse cases involve men abusing both male and female children. The man who was molested by a woman may develop sexual desires to be abused by a woman within a Female Domination relationship but based on my experience, these cases are the exception and not the rule. A person's sexuality is developed in accordance with life experiences, especially those experiences that take place in childhood and adolescence. It would be impossible for child abuse not to affect the psyche and the sexuality of the victim. That is why many men who molest children were once molested themselves.
I have encountered a few women who hated men and who became Dominant Women (usually of the Professional nature) because they enjoyed inflicting pain on men due to a man abusing them in their childhood. I have met a couple of women and have been told of women who offer the service of "male castration". I believe that this hatred for men very well may stem from an abusive relationship with a male authority figure. Again, these cases are the exception and not the rule. Such women are in need of counseling because they obviously do not know how to relate to the male gender in a loving and caring fashion.
In life, every action produces a reaction. That is why people need to be responsible for their actions. I am free to live my life how I choose but when my actions negatively impact others, then I have misused my God given freedom. Society suffers when people violate the rights of others. Sins are truly handed down from generation to generation and as the Bible proclaims "children suffer from the sins of their fathers". Innocence must be protected and each child deserves the right to develop and discover their own sexuality in their own time.
The good news for you is that you live in a time when there is help available. There are many qualified and knowledgeable Pastors, Psychologists and Counselors who can help you to come to terms with your past and encourage you to embrace your future. The healing begins when you forgive yourself, as you must realize you were a victim and did nothing wrong. If a woman was the one who violated you, Female Domination may provide you with an avenue where you can express and practice your sexual desires within the safe and sane confines of a loving relationship. The key is for you to seek a woman who will love you and provide the proper balance between discipline and nurturing. What you must avoid is an abusive relationship where there is no love. Again, if you cannot give love or receive love then you need counseling. But if you are able to love and receive love, then Female Domination should provide you with the safe haven to explore your sexuality as you open up yourself to a woman you trust.
If you and your female partner were both abused as children, then the two of you should have empathy for each other and she should be able to dominate you from a position of understanding. As long as you both operate out of love and respect, there is no reason why your Female Domination relationship cannot be satisfying and fulfilling for you both. As with any other couple, communication and honesty are a must for a healthy relationship. God Bless and I wish you the best in life.
Q. Dear Ms Sutton, I am a 38 year old male and I recognize the superiority of females with all that is in me. I am only beginning to understand my station and what I have to ask may be of help to others.
All my life I have been supremely attracted to the feminine beauty and power that all women possess. Though I did not understand it, I yearned deep inside to submit myself to someone who would impose her will on me and put me in my rightful place at her feet. But it goes even deeper than that. I was raised by a very dominant female figure - my mother - who taught me that being a male was not good. I was raised with sisters whom she lavished over and though I know she loved me, I was taught that men were not good and I grew up wanting nothing to do with them. There were no male authority figures in my early childhood and by the time I was a teenager, I had no desire to seek any. And deep down, I knew that I longed not to be a male.
Well, I eventually grew up and took my "place" in the world of men where I did not function well. So, to counter it, I became one. I grew into a weightlifting, macho, testosterone junkie. I became physically powerful and intimidating in appearance. But I knew deep inside that it was only superficial.
I married a woman that I fell in love with as a teenager and have never been with another. Over the years I learned about S&M and tried to introduce her to it, still not understanding what it was that was going on inside me. Early on, she wanted nothing to do with it. We are both Christian and it always seemed to go against any doctrine that we've been taught. But now, 17 years into our marriage, and with the help of your site, she has slowly grown to enjoy her female dominance, though she still doesn't totally accept that she is the superior gender. She believes it to be part of the 'fantasy' or role play, but doesn't want to accept that God made her to rule over me. Your site and your personal Christian testimony are the first either of us have ever read pointing out that God made Eve to be Adam's ruler.
But even today I hate being a male. I know that God does not make mistakes, but I abhor all that is male about me. In my heart, I am a poet, an artist, a lover of beauty and grace. Yet in my body I possess only masculinity; muscles, hair and a penis - all of which I would gladly trade to possess true beauty. My wife knows this and she loves me anyway. But it seems I am destined to be this thing that I am. I hope that someday in Heaven beauty will be a part of who I am.
I guess I say all of this to ask you this: Is this normal? Or am I only a product of my early childhood experience? If I am destined and designed to be a man, why can't I enjoy it? I love serving and pleasing my wife and I desire completely to take my place under her, but when I look in the mirror, my heart sinks. I'm sorry I've wasted your time. But I hope that maybe you could point me in direction that helps me understand all this. With utmost reverence, I thank you.
A. I am very sorry that your Mother made you feel inferior to your sisters. She no doubt had a real hang-up when it came to the male gender and that was probably caused by a man. You said that you had no male authority figures so I would assume that you had no father at home. Your mother was probably mistreated and hurt by the male gender and that is why she had such a negative opinion of men. Again, I am very sorry that you were the innocent victim of the sins of others. You can't change the past but you can embrace the future. Today is the first day of the rest of your life so you need to begin the rest of your life with a new attitude.
First, you need to forgive your mother. Whether she is alive or not, in your heart, you need to understand that she was probably a victim of abuse as well and therefore you need to forgive her for mistreating you. Second, you need to see yourself as the miracle that you are. Men are beautiful creations just as women are beautiful creations. You are correct, God does not make mistakes and men have a beauty of their own. There is nothing wrong with being masculine. Women need the masculine traits of men as they serve a definite purpose. Male ego and machoism are destructive characteristics but masculinity is natural. You can be masculine but you need that masculinity to be under the authority of the feminine of your wife. Masculinity unchecked can be a negative but masculinity under the loving authority of the feminine can be beautiful.
You do God a great disservice by hating who you are. God created you to be a man and you need to be grateful. God's plan for all species is for there to be a male and a female. The male needs the female and the female needs the male. We complete each other. True, Eve was created to be Adam's mate and to lead him with loving female authority but her existence did not take away from Adam. Her existence made the world a better place and thus gave Adam's life meaning and purpose. You need to fulfill that purpose by serving your wife with humility and reverence. Self-pity and an ungrateful heart will only bring stress into both of your lives.
Rejoice in who you are and rejoice in the fact that you get to serve women. What a special gift you have been given. Don't throw it away with self-pity. Forget the past, forgive those who wronged you and embrace your future. You are valuable and of great worth. Only you can diminish your self-worth. The best way to overcome self-pity is by taking your focus away from you and putting it on others. Begin to focus your attention on your wife and rejoice in being able to serve her. By serving her, you will gain your self-worth. I wish you the very best.
Q. Dear Elise, Thank you for your wonderful website. One thing I have not seen discussed (ever) is the technique of fasting in order to achieve more "brokenness" from the male. I have fasted before myself in a Christian context in order to achieve more connectedness with God. I would think that ordering one's husband to fast for a day or a couple of days would bring about a desired connectedness from the husband and make for a more pliable servant. Do you have any experience/insight into this?
A. One of the stories I shared in my book was of a couple where the wife requires that her husband fast from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday for her. During his fasting time, he must devote himself to read and study material on the personal care of the female, such as hair care, beauty tips, nail care, etc. After his fasting time is up, she will administer to him an enema to both dominate him and to promote his colon health. Then he is permitted to eat and he will then spend Sunday pampering his wife by bathing her, massaging her, doing her hair, giving her a manicure and pedicure and performing other such personal care acts on his wife. For this couple, the fasting is a way to get the husband to decompress after a stressful week at the office and have him focus his attention totally on his wife. Then he spends the weekend being her servant. Also, she is wise in that she uses his fasting to promote health as the fast along with the enema cleanses his bowels on a weekly basis.
Fasting can be a spiritual experience as it starves the flesh and this empowers the spirit. We are triune beings and it is our physical bodies which allows us to connect with the natural world we live in. The flesh is described in the Bible as the carnal man, the appetites of man, that which man spends so much attention on satisfying. Fasting weakens the carnal man and weakens the flesh, thus the spirit can communicate more readily with the soul (the mind, will and emotions). That is why in the Bible prayer almost always accompanies fasting. It is known as Prayer and fasting. To fast and do nothing is merely to starve one's self. But to fast and pray, now the spirit is occupying the thoughts of the mind, as the flesh grows weaker.
A man who fasts for his Mistress could learn humility and obedience as long as he is occupying his mind with thoughts of her. Priscilla in my book assures her husband is occupying his mind with thoughts of her by requiring that he read articles about female personal care. This focuses his attention on how he can improve as her servant. A woman could also have her fasting husband write her poetry or even pray for her during his fast. Then before he ends his fast, she could dominate him in a sensual and spiritual way that could help them to connect on a higher level. A hypnotic script that the wife recites to her husband after a 24 hour fast and prior to him eating could be highly erotic and effective. I know women who record a script on tape and have their fasting husbands listen to it over and over during the fast to seal her expectations and authority into the man's subconscious mind. The key to this would be for the woman to record her voice in a soft and sensual tone, taking in whispers.
So as you can see, there can be a variety of ways to incorporate fasting into a FemDom relationship. But if a person is a person of Faith, he should separate the two and also perform separate fasts unto the Lord. Fasting can provide both physical and spiritual benefits.