Becoming A Successful submissive male: Questions about growing as a submissive in a FemDom relationship
Q. I want to be the best submissive in the world to my wife. I feel that I fall short as far as what she deserves. How can I improve?
A. What a worthwhile goal to have in life. I wish all submissive men shared your in your goal of trying to be the best servant to their wives. It's healthy that you feel that you fall short. Your wife is doing a great job in training you. A submissive should always feel that way so that he is always striving to be better.
The best advice that I can give you is for you to love, cherish, and serve your wife everyday. Do it to the best of your ability, and then some. Obey her for she is your Queen. Go out of your way to do little things that will make her happy. Things like bringing her flowers and buying her gifts often.
Make sure that you excel in your profession so you will have the means to buy her gifts, to take her out to nice restaurants and on nice vacations, and to keep her adorned in all of the fetish clothing that she desires. Spare no expense and spare no effort in making her life a happy one. Do this and I can guarantee you that your life will be a happy one.
Q. Ms Sutton, thank you for your web site and your psychoanalysis procedure. It has helped me out a lot. I have really been able to get in touch with my submissive nature and I now understand why I am the way I am. The only problem I have is that my wife isn't a very skilled Dominant. I feel that I could go to higher places of submission if she would only grow more as a dominant. What should I do?
A. First of all you should be punished for speaking negatively about your superior wife. You should focus more on how you can improve as a submissive, rather than worrying about how good of a dominant that she is. Just the fact that she is a woman makes her superior to you. You should worship her and adore her every day.
It is acceptable for you to encourage her to grow in knowledge and skill as a Dominant by recommending books, literature, or web sites that she can read. However, you had better never criticize her or tell her that she isn't a good enough Dom. Always encourage her to grow as a Dominant and the best way to do this is to double your efforts in submitting to her. Also, make sure that you count your blessings for having her every day.
Q. First let me say Ms. Sutton that though I disagree with almost every thing you believe in, I have to respect your deep passion for it. One glaring lack that jumped out at me. What if something has happened to cause the submissive to decide that this is either not the lifestyle, or possibly that the dominant partner is no longer the person he OR she wishes to be with. In the lifetime scenarios that you set forth it would seem that the hapless submissive will be stuck in a hated situation if the dominant doesn't want to end the relationship. Is there any room in your philosophy to let a person, irregardless of status, to say "ENOUGH", no more am I going to be with you? If not then you are advocating slavery not submissiveness. In retrospect my thoughts on the complete impossibility of a femocentric society developing in a nonagrian setting is best kept to myself in this particular instance. I am not going to change your viewpoint, nor will you change mine. Overall your site was nicely done, though I wish Hillary's husband would see that he is not in marriage but is instead in a hell that will not end until he makes it end. I pray that he will find a way out that will allow him to save himself from this psychopathic individual he married.
A. Thank you for your question. A Female Domination lifestyle works best within marriage because of the level of commitment. I primarily counsel married couples. There must be a deep level of trust, honesty, and commitment in order for a FemDom relationship (as well as any relationship for that matter) to thrive. A marriage is a covenant and neither partner should have the attitude that if things don't go their way, they can just up and leave. If they have this attitude, the marriage is doomed no matter if it is a FemDom marriage or not. The vast majority of the time, it is the submissive male that introduces the Female Domination lifestyle to the wife. The male desires and longs to be dominated by his wife. In the beginning, his desire to submit to the woman is greater than the woman's desire to dominate and to be served. However, over time this changes and the woman's hunger to be in charge and in control will become as strong, if not stronger, than the man's desire to submit. Once this balance is achieved, the FemDom relationship becomes very fulfilling to both partners.
It transcends any other kind of relationship as the bond of trust and love between the Dominant woman and the submissive man grows beyond what either ever thought possible. I know what I am talking about as I have many testimonials from married couples talking about this very subject, plus I have experienced this myself in my own marriage. That is why I am passionate about my beliefs. You may have submissive desires and probably do since you were browsing the Internet for FemDom websites. However, do you hunger for a relationship with a Dominant woman? Many men do and therefore the thought of "how can I get out of such a relationship if I were to succeed in finding a Dominant woman" never crosses their minds. Most submissive men that are fortunate enough to find themselves in a relationship with a dominant woman are thankful for the relationship. If anything, they hope that it grows even deeper and can become what Ms Hillary has achieved with her husband.
Trust me, Ms Hillary's husband does not consider his relationship with his wife to be "hell". In fact, he would tell you that it is much closer to heaven. This relationship fulfills him. He is a free man. He could pack up his things tomorrow and leave his wife. He is a very intelligent man who is financially secure. He loves his wife and he is committed to her. Their relationship is not for everyone, but it fulfills them both. I have talked to Ms Hillary about a few areas that she needs to be cautious about. I have warned her about some of the dangers that exist if she does not balance her zeal for Dominance with love and nurturing. She is teachable and she has made the necessary adjustments. The bottom line is that we live in a free country with laws that permit people to end relationships. If a man ever decides that the FemDom relationship is not for him, he is free to have an open and honest discussion with his wife and they must work it out like adults. If she decides that she is not willing to change the relationship, then the man will have to decide if he still wants to be married to her. She can't force him to stay.
Slavery or submission exists in the mind of the male. It is not forced slavery or forced submission. It is a willing slavery and a willing submission. However, what you are asking about is very rare. The vast majority of men love being in submission to their wives. Like I said, they are thankful that they have found a woman who fulfills their submissive desires. They hope that she will take them to new levels of submission. They do not want to get out of this relationship. They want to go deeper. For every male that has told me that his wife has gone "too far" with her dominance, I probably have a hundred males that say that they desire for their wife to take them into deeper submission and deeper slavery. If they are patient, their wife will get there and then the marriage experiences the kind of deep intimacy and bond of love that few marriages ever know.
Q. Dear Ms. Sutton, First thank you for a great, inspiring web site. I have just presented a copy of "the Psychoanalysis of the Sub male" to my girlfriend. Hopefully this will start us on our way to a wonderful life in the scene. I have a few concerns though.
My girlfriend expressed to me in the beginning of our relationship that she liked to be submissive to me. Now, I was attracted to her because she is a strong, confident women. Now after a few months of a more mainstream relationship. I finally told her my deep yearning to submit to her. She seems to be open to it and even says that she thinks she will like it. My concern is, is she just playing along with me or is she having a revelation.
Also, I have been submissive to Pro Doms since the age of 18. I am now 30. I have had some intense experiences but not often and not very real. Now here I am finally with a person that loves me (and I her) and being her slave is eminent but I can't help but be ashamed of the fact that I want to be her doormat, her total submissive servant. Some how it was easy to do this with Pro Dommes because they were not my partner. Now, to be actually inferior to a life partner is just shamfull to me. I almost feel she will be rejected after a while and not want a person like me around her. Thanks for your response!
A. I am pleased to hear that you had the courage to open up to your girlfriend about your submissive desires. I am sure that once she embraces this lifestyle, she will love it. However, no woman wants a man to be a total doormat. You need to bring the proper balance to your relationship. Fantasies do not always translate to reality. Your girlfriend is superior and you should always treat her as such and you should always strive to obey her and to serve her. But she also needs a friend and a life partner. A relationship must be about more than D&S. Don't sacrifice the things that she loves about you for D&S. D&S will enhance your relationship but it can not be the foundation of your relationship.
She will need a life partner that she can share her goals and dreams with. She will need a friend that she can share her hobbies and interests with. Yes, a superior woman call the shots. Yes, a dominant woman loves to don leather and engage in D&S. Yes, your girlfriend needs to be worshipped and served by you. However, she also needs stimulating conversation, a dinner partner, someone to have fun with, and someone to share life with.
So just be yourself and allow the man that she fell in love with to also be the man that is now submitting to her. Be her friend, partner, lover, and slave. A woman needs all of this in a man.
Q. Ms Sutton, You are the best there is on this subject, thank you for being there. My wife and I have played around with this subject for the 20 plus years we have been married. There are three ideas that hold us back from really being fulfilled.
One, I am now 48 and want to be submissive to my wife more then even, but feel like it is not something a 48 year old should be doing.
Two, My wife feels that I should be the perfect husband simply out of love for her. Why should she have to spank me to get me to behave?
Three, she knows how much her dominate side excites me. She feels that I don't get excited for her, but what she represents.
What do you think and what should I say to her? Thank you for your site and your insight, you are the best!!!
A. Thanks for the kind words about my site. To answer your three concerns:
1) It has been my observation that the older a man gets, the stronger his submissive desires become. Forty-eight is young so why shouldn't you explore this in its fullest? If not now, when? Also, the older a woman becomes the more she is open to this lifestyle. Domination comes with wisdom and experience for women.
2) You should be the perfect husband to her out of love. Even if she never embraces this lifestyle to the level that you would like, you should still serve her and treat her like a Queen. Submission is a selfless servitude and it comes from the heart. Your submission will seduce her dominance.
3) She is correct in that you are not only excited about her but also what she represents when she dominates you. She represents the female gender in all her glory. How you feel about women will be reflected in how you treat her. Likewise, the qualities of the female that causes you to feel submissive and sexually aroused will be expressed toward her, as she is your sexual partner. This is a healthy thing but many women get hung up on this, as they don't understand male sexuality or male behavior. What your wife fails to realize is that this trait in you gives her an incredible power advantage over you. A wise woman uses this to her advantage (in a loving way).
Finally, my advice would be for you to continue to treat her like a Queen and continue to seduce her dominant nature with your submission. Double your efforts to make her a happy and fulfilled woman. If the subject of D&S comes up and you sense her being open to the subject of female domination, then show her my site sometime. Tread carefully and don't push it on her. Allow her to grow at her pace and allow her to feel comfortable. Above all, just love her for the woman that she is.
Q. Mrs. Elise Sutton, My girlfriend and I have been following your web site for about 2 years now. We enjoy it very much, and she has taken small steps in a direction towards the femdom lifestyle as time has gone by. I have cooperated with her as much as I can but sometimes I find myself rebelling with out thinking about it. Right now, I am in a state of internal rebellion. She has asked me to purchase her a large dildo and a dildo harness about two months ago. Once we received the product she was timid at first, but after about 5 days she began to crave the jelly soft member every night, while denying me completely. The orgasms she has offered me have dwindled down to one or two a week, and they are different then ever before.
She asks me to appreciate her orgasms above anything else, and always asks me if I enjoyed her orgasm after she has one, which I truly do, yet still feel unsatisfied. She hasn't offered to give me oral sex during or allowed me to enter her during this time either, and often asks me to masturbate beside her while she talks to me. She is very comfortable using our chastity tube on me for long term denial. Although, she is very happy sexually right now I feel frustrated. What advice do you have for me, I want her to be happy but I keep fighting feeling of jealousy with the member.
A. First of all, I hope you don't expect her to perform oral sex on you. That is a real No No for most dominant women. You need to stop focusing on your needs and focus on her needs. Sex is for the woman's pleasure and it will be for the male's pleasure only when the woman allows it.
Also, why do you expect intercourse from her? You are not even married to her. That is an activity that she must decide if and when she wants to engage in it with you. She may want to wait until she is married and even then she may only permit it on special occasions. She could get pregnant from your member but she cannot get pregnant from her toy. If you are sexually frustrated, ask her for permission for a supervised orgasm. There are many ways she can give you relief in ways that are entertaining for her and keeps you in the submissive role. I list some in one of my Q&A entries. I must tell you, one or two orgasms a week is a lot for a submissive man. My husband is lucky if he gets one a month. What are you complaining about?
She is wise to maintain the Dominant role with you. As far as the internal struggles go, you just need to work through them. Sometimes people need a break from D&S. If you feel you need a break, ask her to give you a week or two break from D&S activities. Of course this means no sex. You might need to just devote yourself to work or hobbies for a week or two but after the agreed upon time is up, you need to re-focus on serving her and pleasing her. I hope this helps. You are a very lucky man to have a dominant woman. Many men write to me looking for a woman to dominate them. Cherish her and treat her like a Queen because she is a rare treasure. You are a lucky man to have her. Never take her for granted.
Q. I am a male who is has two very strong but opposing sides. One side is very active, aggressive, creative, capable of leadership and proud of being a man. And, I have a successful career. The other side of me is not quite as strong but is also powerful. That is the side that not only worships women, but loves being humiliated and being submissive.
At a restaurant I just love it when the waiter brings the check to the Woman I'm with. I enjoy watching TV shows with Women as the heroines and men as the followers. And I love male bashing jokes. Both sides of me believe that women are quickly seizing power; but only one side is cheering women on. The two sides of me are so closely balanced that I'm paralyzed when I try to bring them together. As a result, I have trouble following your advice in "How to Introduce your Wife or Girlfriend to Female Domination." I'm so used to being independent and assertive when I'm with my wife that I find it hard to express my submissive side.
Perhaps you could address this as I am sure that other men have this same problem and could benefit from your wisdom. Let me just say in closing that I love EVERYTHING you say about Female supremacy and Female superiority. It just makes so much SENSE--but mainly just to one side of me. It seems that: "I'm just sitting on a fence".
A. You are correct in that many men do struggle within themselves between their masculinity and their desire to submit to women. That is why some men like to keep those two areas of their natures separate by visiting Pro Doms on a regular basis while they keep that side of their personality hidden from their wife. That may work for the short term but it will never be as fulfilling as submitting to a woman within an actual relationship.
One of the biggest misconceptions about this lifestyle is that a man must lose his masculinity when he submits to a woman. While some men want to be feminized and stripped of their masculinity, a majority of submissive men are still quite masculine. Many dominant women and dominant wives like to dominate a masculine male and they like to control a masculine male. What most dominant women dislike is a macho male, not a masculine male. There is a big difference. Dominant women like to strip a man of his macho ways and his male ego, not necessarily of his masculinity.
Life consists of decisions and fence sitting only leads to stress and uncertainty. Having a dual nature is known as being double minded and it is difficult to grow in life when you are double minded. The two minds will always be in conflict with each other and you will have many internal struggles. Double mindedness causes a person to make decisions only half way and thus goals and accomplishment are never fully achieved. You cannot satisfy both warring factions within your personality. You need to make a decision and commit to that decision. If you want to experience true submission to a woman, then lay aside your male pride and humble yourself by submitting to your wife. Once she begins to take charge, allow her. It will not be easy at times but that is where your commitment to your wife and this lifestyle comes in. You have a freewill and you are free to be difficult and macho toward your wife but that will never bring you submissive fulfillment.
As your submissive desires grow, allow them to overtake your male pride and male ego. Submission is a desire but it is also a decision. Your human will decides which force within you will win. The more you submit to women, the stronger that desire to submit to women will grow and thus it will become easier to submit.
One thing I can promise you. If you keep ignoring your submissive desires and suppress them, they will not go away and these desires will become stronger as you age. If the desire to submit to women is present within you, this desire will eventually win out. If they are weak and you think you can walk away from them, then you certainly can by making a quality decision and being committed to that decision. However, if these desires are strong, it will be hard to overcome them by mere will power. Thus, you really have no option other than to yield to these submissive desires instead of fighting them. The sooner you can come to terms with these desires within yourself and the sooner you make the quality decision to choose submission, the sooner you will experience true submissive fulfillment.
Keep in mind, you do not have to lose your masculinity to submit to a woman. You will have to humble yourself and lose your male pride and your male ego. A Dominant woman will help you with this, as she will demand that your macho ways go by the way side. That is the good news. Once you begin to submit to the woman in your life, she will help to develop your submission as your submission will feed off of her dominance and thus it will grow even stronger. I wish you success in your journey.
Q. Dear Ms. Sutton, I must tell you about a delightful coincidence. Last Friday, I came across your web site during a search for FemDom. I have wanted female domination for years. Only recently has my wife of 14 years displayed any interest. After browsing your web site, I went home very excited about the prospect of our next session. And what a session it was.
Somehow, without my having said anything, my wife's interest that night was much stronger than usual. She was more verbally abusive, much more demanding and even smacked me a few times while ordering me to masturbate in front of her. She made me beg to lick her high-heeled leather boots and beg to lick her asshole (not surprisingly, one of my favorite things to do). After making me beg, she then refused let me even touch her! It was terrific. Finally, she let me dildo her ass while she masturbated herself in my face.
It was just so strange, how much more she did that night. It was almost as if she had read your web site. Anyway, I'd like a little advice on how to strengthen her interest in having a submissive slave-husband. Already, I spend a lot of time massaging her, especially her legs and feet. I lotion her body head to toe. But it was only in this last encounter that her true bitch-Goddess nature displayed itself. What are appropriate next steps? I think we're on the verge of really exciting new territory and I want to serve her in all ways and give her the total control she deserves. I very much look forward to a reply.
A. I think your situation conveys what I have written on my site about how a man can seduce his wife's dominant nature with his submission. It often takes a submissive man to draw out the dominance in a woman. Women react to genuine submission. You were excited after viewing my site and this stirred your submissive nature. Your wife probably sensed this extra submissive energy coming from you and this caused her to become more dominant.
I have had men tell me before that after they had a session with a Professional Dominatrix, they returned home to their wife and she began to act more bitchy and more aggressive with them for the next couple of days, not knowing anything about the Dominatrix. It was if the wife could sense the submissive energy that was coming from her husband and was reacting to it. The Dominatrix had taken the husband to sub space and the wife could sense this, which caused her own dormant dominant nature to stir. I have heard a number of similar experiences from other men.
My site probably triggered something within you and your wife probably sensed this submissive energy and that is what caused her to be extra dominant with you. The next appropriate steps are for you to continue to do what you have been doing. It is obviously working, as you are successfully drawing out your wife's dominant nature with your servitude. Be patient and don't force things with her. Some men become overly excited when they see some dominance coming from their wife, so they make the mistake of pushing too hard and too fast. Just relax and give her the room to grow into her dominant nature at her pace. From the sounds of it, she is beginning to blossom.
Since she knows about your submissive desires and she enjoys dominating you, I would highly recommend that you give her my "Psychoanalysis of the submissive male" and kindly request that she perform it on you. This will open you up to her in a new way and should cause her dominant energy to stir. It might take the two of you to that next level in your FemDom relationship.
Q. Hello Ms. Sutton, I have a question about being a submissive male. I am 41 years old and am conflicted about being submissive. I have read the items on your site for quite sometime, I think for over the past two years. My question is why should a male be submissive? Your site contains many accounts of Female Supremacy but also goes into cuckolding and orgasm denial, which I feel are antithetical to a solid relationship. If a woman or man does not want to have sex that is their preference but my preference, and I think the only reason I am a submissive, is for both love and sex. If a woman was denying me sex and then cuckolds me I would not see any point in the relationship. Without sex I would definitely not feel loved. The only point I see in the stories of denial is that the woman does not want to have sex and rationalizes that into an argument that denial is the proper state of affairs in a female supremacist relationship.
I find most women want a man for financial security or to amuse themselves. Both men and women fall in and out of love over the course of a relationship. I will probably always have submissive feelings but I think it is unrealistic to search for something that is unattainable or nonexistent. The stories you include on cuckoldry in fact contradict the basis for your site that women are superior because they show women breaking their marriage vows. These women desire sex but do not want to have sex with their husbands whom they find unattractive. That is their preference but they should not take a holier than thou position and say there is something advantageous about denial of the male.
What reason is there for me to continue to seek out a female supremacy relationship? For me it has been a life of being alone and suffering for it.
A. Asking why you should be a submissive male is like asking why you should be a male or why you should be a human being. It is out of your control. It is who you are and the sooner you come to terms with it, the happier and less conflicted you will be.
I can see that there is much about love and women that you do not understand. First of all, love is more than an emotion. It is a commitment. People who fall in and out of love are basing it totally on feelings. Love is a covenant and marriage is the entering into that covenant. You said that without sex you would not feel loved. Sex is not love. If you cannot love a woman or worship a woman without sex, then you do not understand women or the essence of your own submissive nature. Also, sex is not orgasms. That is the beauty of D&S. It is a sexuality without the need to exchange human body fluids. D&S is sex of the minds. Taking your logic to the end, you are saying that love is the exchanging of body fluids. No, No, No. Love is first a condition of the heart and then the human will. Love is not a biological function.
Women do not primarily marry for financial security or to amuse themselves. If women married for financial security, then most men would be eliminated from the dating pool because most men are not financially secure. Women marry for love, not to amuse themselves. You are displaying a total ignorance of the female gender and the female heart. More women marry for love then men do. There are men who marry for sex and that is such a shame. God gave women a stronger moral compass and it is that superior character within women that makes a marriage possible. Men act way too much on animal and natural impulses. That is why men need women to guide them and to rule them. Your question actually reinforces the superiority of women.
As far as cuckolding goes, that is a minority activity amongst couples involved in the female domination lifestyle. Cuckolding is a desire more common among submissive husbands than dominant wives. It is usually the husband who brings up the subject of desiring to be cuckolded. So it has nothing to do with women finding their husbands unattractive. Again, D&S is sex of the mind and cuckolding may be the physical act between a wife and another man but the fact is that cuckolding is actually sex taking place between a wife and her husband in the area of their minds. When a wife has physical relations with another for the purpose of cuckolding her husband, who is really having sex? Is it not D&S sex between the wife and her husband? So how is that the breaking of the wedding vows? I am 100% opposed to women cheating on their husbands and using cuckolding as an excuse to live a promiscuous life. Have you not paid attention to my advice on this topic?
You may have been reading my site for the past two years but are you reading it with tunnel vision? I ask this because you obviously are only comprehending a little of the information contained therein. My site covers a wide range of topics contained within the broader subject of Female Domination. Yes, there is much discussion about cuckolding and the male orgasm. However, these are not the only areas that people who write to my site want to discuss.
My site has covered many topics about female domination. Discipline, D&S, the psychology of D&S, subspace, domestic servitude, personal servitude, male slavery, S&M, spirituality and religion, Female Supremacy and the politics of feminism, and on and on. We have discussed hardcore female domination as well as soft and sensual female domination. Only a man with tunnel vision will see only two topics on my site and make an overall judgment about the FemDom lifestyle from those two topics.
Female Domination is a large umbrella and there are many kinds of relationships contained under that umbrella. I only address the topics that people e-mail me to discuss. Cuckolding seems to be a hot topic right now but it is not the sum of the lifestyle. Most FemDom couples do not (I repeat Do Not) incorporate cuckolding into their marriage. Many FemDom couples are monogamous to each other. However, some FemDom couples are involved with cuckolding and therefore we must address this hot and controversial topic in an intelligent manner. People are interested in it, even couples that are not active in that lifestyle.
My site's main focus is the psychological aspects to Female Domination and cuckolding is an important activity in order to deeper understand the psychological make-ups of the dominant woman and the submissive man. Cuckolding is also an important topic as it relates to the study of sociology. If an increasing number of married men are desiring that their wives cuckold them, then this reflects a major sociological event within the marriage relationship. This is a signal to society as a whole about the liberation and the empowerment of women.
Therefore we will continue to examine from all sides the power dynamics of cuckolding and male orgasm denial. However, those will not be our only focus. There are more dominant wives out there that prefer an intimate and monogamous D&S relationship then there are women interested in pursuing cuckolding. Furthermore, most women who are novices to this lifestyle will not be ready to entertain any advanced D&S play for years. Most women start out in this lifestyle because they want to improve their marriages and their sex lives. As they grow in their dominant role, only then will some other dynamics take over. But that is why I continually stress that the wife and the husband need to keep the lines of communication open so this lifestyle will be fulfilling to both partners.
So if you are a single man in search of a dominant woman, go back to the basics. Re-read my article on "How to find a Dominant Woman" and put those suggestions into practice. Concentrate on the friendship elements of the relationship as well as the servitude elements. You are way too far ahead in your thinking. You are not even married and yet you are worried about being cuckolded. Cuckolding done correctly is a mutually agreed upon activity within a Female Domination marriage. If the husband is not ready for it, then the wife should never pursue it. Any woman who reads my site has heard me say that over and over again. So relax and get out there and serve women. You will never be able to quit your pursuit. You may think you can walk away from your submissive nature but sooner than later your desires will resurface (even stronger than before) and you will be back to desiring to serve a dominant female.
There is a sure fire cure for being alone. It is called being friendly to others. Befriend others and you will have friends. Give and it will be given back to you. Build a friendship with a woman and you are half way to being in a meaningful relationship with a woman. Serve her and you will begin to find submissive fulfillment. Stay focused on the here and now and don't worry about tomorrow. Your attitude is the key. If you are negative, you will experience negative results. Our attitude is the librarian of our past, the mirror of our present and the prophet of our future. Good luck and take care.
Q. Ms Sutton, I wanted to write to ask you if you could recommend a quality phone Mistress. I am seeking a woman who is both intelligent and dominant. I've tried various services but have been disappointed. There is a real need out there for a genuine FemDom phone domination service.
A. Yes, I recommend Jennifer Hunter's phone service. Her ladies are intelligent, college educated and very dominant. Always remember, you get what you pay for, be it with a professional Mistress or a quality phone Mistress. Jennifer Hunter's girls are beautiful, intelligent and very dominant. When you talk with them, you are talking to lifestyle Dominant Women and true believers in Female Supremacy. To my knowledge, no other phone service offers the kind of in-depth domination and fetish exploration as Jennifer's service.
I highly recommend that submissive men who are not in a current relationship with a dominant woman, contact Jennifer and schedule a phone session with one of her associates. Her web address is www.jenniferhunterconsulting.com.
Q. Hello Ms. Sutton, Thanks for all the great information on your site! I have been having really confused feelings about my role in our marriage. My wife and I have been very happily married for nearly 3 years now. She has been wonderful about exploring this lifestyle with me and I am extremely fortunate (I have no doubts about that).
My problem, if you want to call it that, is that I tend to think about and fantasize about our lifestyle a lot more frequently than she does. I am always very aroused around her, especially when she wears leather. I can't help expressing how I feel about her and thoughts that I'm having. I think she gets tired of hearing about it all the time. She says that by constantly talking about it, that I'm trying to "control the situation." The truth of the matter is, I might not feel this way if she was more "in to the lifestyle."
I do feel bad in a way talking about it so much but it's hard to control. I want to give her so much control that I don't even masturbate anymore - I want every orgasm to be at her discretion. This feels very submissive to me but does keep me "pent up" quite a bit. I would love some advice. What is the frequency I should be thinking about this?
I fantasize about serving my wife in leather constantly - yet she doesn't wear leather much (even though she has quite an extensive wardrobe). I fantasize so much because I love my wife dearly - is the wrong? I don't want her to think that I desire intercourse all the time, but I love it just when she teases me with some kind of D/s activity - just a little "mind candy" if you will.
Where should the line be drawn between fantasy and reality? Don't get me wrong, I am extremely lucky. How can I give her more control without her thinking I'm forcing it on her? Is this something you encounter with other men? I understand that you get bombarded with e-mails. I would really appreciate any response or advice you could offer. Thanks so much for your time and commitment to this subject.
A. Maybe you are not showing your wife the benefits to this lifestyle as far as she is concerned. When she does wear leather and play with you, how do you treat her afterwards? Do you double your efforts in serving her outside of the bedroom? Do you do extra chores? Do you offer to give her foot rubs or body massages, with no expectations for sex?
It is easy for a man to say that he loves his wife but if you spend all of your time fantasizing about your wife in leather, then are you really focusing on her needs? Now it is Ok to visualize her in leather and to recall how sexy and dominant she was during your last session with her. However, use that image and your sexual excitement as motivation to serve her outside of the bedroom. Learn to channel that sexual and submissive energy into doing things that are pleasing to her.
She will eventually comment on what a great job you are doing around the house or being attentive to her needs and when she does, tell her that the last session with her when she wore leather is what is motivating you. Tell her that you feel so in love with her and so submissive toward her that you cannot help but to serve her. That kind of attitude will stir her dominance and she will want to play with you more frequently. But if you nag her about wearing leather and having a D&S session, she will become disheartened and she will be turned off.
You need to motivate her by showing her the benefits to a Female Domination marriage. Obviously she enjoys some D&S but you are just pushing her too hard and it is turning her off. Focus on serving her on how she likes to be served and that will provide her with the motivation she needs to don some leather and to wield the whip. Give to her what she needs and you will in return be given what you need.
Q. Dear Ms. Sutton, My wife periodically tells me She is not interested in female domination, however, her actions are for the most part the opposite. To be frank, I introduced her to Female Domination, thereafter she would periodically purchase me a nightie to wear to bed. In fact, once she went through her dresser and handed me several of her bra's to wear and on another occasion she told me she would rather see me in boy's PJ's.
On an intimate basis, she prefers oral love and rarely wants penetration. She prefers to relieve me by having me first stimulate myself after which she places a plastic baggie around my member, telling me get on all fours. This allows her to control any orgasm without having to touch my private parts. If I was not to her liking she may take a spoon and feed me my own cum, or loosely hold the baggie which makes it difficult, if not impossible to cum.
Every Friday she expects me to super clean the house, do the floors, toilets, and kitchen and she likes me to wear a maid uniform while I do this. Thus, I'm perplexed that she says she has no interest in domination. What do you think she is telling me?
A. What she is telling you is that she has no interest in your fantasies or desires but she wants you to concentrate on fulfilling her desires. She is dominating you but she is doing it the way she wants to do it. She has you right where she wants you and that is real female domination. You are living an actual FemDom marriage and not a fantasy. You are a blessed man so my advice is for you to enjoy what you have instead of wishing for what you don't have.
There are a lot of men who wish that their wives would dominate them the way your wife is dominating you. Your wife may not like the term "domination" because to her that word represents your fantasies, which probably involves some kinky things that do not appeal to her. It is perfectly within your right to have open discussions with your wife and to let her know what you desire as a submissive. However, if you are going to be a true submissive husband, then you need to abide by her decisions after you make your requests. Serve your wife how she enjoys to be served and it may open her to try other things in the future. Your servitude and obedience will stir her dominant nature and that may cause her to desire to dominate you in other ways and in other areas. But regardless, you need to enjoy what you have and you need to count your blessings. Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman who is worthy of your sincere servitude.
Q. Ms. Sutton, Ma'am: I have, for almost my entire life, known the inherent superiority of
Women, and have strove to show the respect Women are due. Having come across your site only recently, I have a question which I hope will be of use to you and to others. I have read through your instructions for males, and I am very confused about one aspect of those instructions to help males introduce their Girlfriends to dominance and Female Supremacy.
Ms. Sutton, you write that males should casually begin taking small liberties such as rubbing his Girlfriend's feet. I have always strove to treat my Girlfriend as the Queen she is. But I am concerned that by taking such liberties (like rubbing her feet or asking her how I may be useful to Her) that I will appear to Her as a doormat. She has expressed concern in the past that I am "co-dependent". She has told me that "there is a difference between being feminine and being a "pussy".
I like to cross-dress and she supports me in this but I want to be submissive to her also. I have asked Her how I might achieve a balance between being a submissive and a proper partner to her but She only yelled at me more for "wanting to be a doormat".
I don't know what to do. I adore Her, and have recognized Her innate superiority since the first day we met. I am certain that She understands Her superiority. I only know that, for some reason, she
does not want to address it with me and wants only for me to be her boyfriend/girlfriend. She regards me as an equal when I know I am not. It is all very confusing. Do you have any suggestions?
A. My dear young man, you are missing the entire point in that article. It is not a book on how to construct a model airplane where you do this and then that. It is all about your attitude. The suggestions in that article are meant to help you to develop a servant's attitude. The key is for you to serve her in a manner that she will respond to in a positive way. Not every woman is the same and that is why I listed numerous "suggestions". She is your girlfriend so you need to serve her in an unselfish manner.
The foot rub was an exercise to get a man to focus his attention on the woman and away from his self. That is what you need to do. If she does not want her feet rubbed because she views that as you being a doormat (which I have no idea why it would but she is entitled to her opinion) then serve her in a way that she will be comfortable with. Cook her dinner, clean her car, buy her flowers, or anything that puts the focus on her and her needs and away from you and your needs. The key is your attitude. You need to develop a servant's attitude and a true submissive wants to please his Queen how she desires to be pleased. Do you see the difference?
You want to seduce her dominance with your submission, not agitate her with your submission. You are probably a needy male who smothers her and this can be a major downer for a woman. You exist to make her life better, not to bring strife and stress into her life by smothering her. She sounds like an open-minded woman if she accepts your cross-dressing. She enjoys feminizing you and she likes a male to be feminine. Count your blessing for what you have in her but don't push her too fast into an area she is not yet ready to embrace. Take it slow and seduce her dominance by serving her in a manner that she will enjoy and appreciate. If you do not know how to make her happy, then you are obvious far too focused on your needs and not enough on her needs.
Most women do not want a doormat but a life partner. She is afraid that you will put all the responsibility of the relationship on her and that is why she is frightened by the word submission. Her definition of submission and your definition are different. She does not yet see the benefits of being a dominant woman in a relationship with a man. It is up to you to show her the benefits by making her life better with your servitude and genuine submission.
Q. Dear Ms. Sutton, I read your bio today and am totally in awe of you and what you are offering to both Dominant Women and submissive men.
I can only hope that my wife will respond positively to the suggestions in your psychoanalysis test. I intend to print it out and give it to her tonight. We have an "appointment" for this Tuesday night to do an S&M scene, but I am hoping she will experience a slight shift in her perception of what it is I am asking her to be, that is, that she will embrace the idea of her superiority over me.
She and I have been married for 15 years and she has known about my submissive desires since before we were married. In fact, before we were married, we stole away to her family's cabin in the country for a weekend where she dominated me. Now, with children and careers weighing on us, it seems like her regard for female domination has waned somewhat. I can't ask her to be something that she isn't, but I sometimes wish she would take dominating me as seriously as I take wanting to be in submission to her.
A. She will never take it seriously until you show her the benefits. To her, it is merely your sexual fantasy and she is engaging in it because she loves you. You should count your blessing to have such a wife. Do you realize how many men never get to have a "scene" with their wives?
You correctly pointed out how your wife is being weighed down with her career and the children. Stress is the biggest obstacle to intimacy. If you are serious about submitting to your wife, then you need to show her the benefits. After your next D&S session with her (no matter what your evaluation of the session) you need to double your efforts in serving her outside the bedroom. Volunteer to do chores for her. Volunteer to help out more with the kids. Amaze her with your enthusiasm to serve her. Bring her flowers, pamper her, massage her and help to take stress from her. Do this and I guarantee she will want to have more D&S sessions with you.
The "Psychoanalysis of the submissive male" will make more sense to her if you first seduce her dominant nature by showing her the benefits to the Female Domination lifestyle. Your sessions will build intimacy but only if you remove some of the stress in your wife's life which may hinder that intimacy. Make this lifestyle fun and fulfilling to her and she may begin to dominate you in a way that is fun and fulfilling for you. Your focus right now is backwards. Forget about what you want and need and instead focus on how you can give her what she wants and needs. I wish you success.
Q. Dear Elise Sutton, Thank you for your site it has helped bring our relationship to this lifestyle.
My wife and I have been playing around with Female domination for about 3 years now and lately it has evolved to a new level. I have always known I wanted to be submissive to my wife. She has a dominant personality and is quite good at it. We just recently in the last 2 weeks have been to our first monthly group. Two groups actually a FemDom group and a spanking group. She has become very excited about this lifestyle now and says there is no going back.
Things have progressed into 24/7 at warp speed. I am happy about this but I do have misgivings as to including other people into our life (intimately). When we have had some alcohol I get loose lips and try to express my misgivings. It doesn't go over too well. We end up in a fight and I spend the night chained to the floor in the closet (yummy).
I have introduced her to this lifestyle and she took to it like a duck to water. I want this to bring us closer together. But sometimes I get frightened as to the monumental changes occurring so fast.
I have my fears that this will weaken our marriage and not strengthen it. At this meeting we met a FemDom couple and he is bi-sexual. We had her over for dinner and I served the two women in nothing but a white frilly apron and my chastity device (which I have been locked in for 2 months now). Then I did the dishes and showed her how I tie my self up for my Mistress. Then they practiced with the cane and the whip and a flogger. I did enjoy this. But I don't know if we should include others in our sex life yet. I don't feel ready.
Well as you can see we are starting down a new road that has its challenges. I just want some assurances that this will bring us closer together and I want to find the best way to insure this. There is no going back because she has fallen in love with this lifestyle. It is my wish that you could help us find the best way to move forward in this lifestyle. Thank you for your time.
A. I wish I could give you an assurance that your life will be nothing but fun and fulfillment but obviously I cannot. Neither can your wife, your closest friend, your parents or even your Priest, Rabbi or Pastor. There are no guarantees, no matter which course you choose in life. There are no guarantees that the vanilla couple will have a long and happy marriage. One just need look at the divorce rate to see that there are no guarantees. How many brides and grooms on their wedding day believe that they will end up divorced? But that is the case more often than not.
This you do know, you wanted to be in submission to your wife. I bet you have entertained submissive fantasies most of your life. You have longed to be dominated by a woman and now it is beginning to become a reality. You should be excited and thrilled instead of afraid. You are thinking of the very worst. Why did you mention that the husband of your wife's new friend is bi-sexual? Are you afraid that your wife is going to make you perform homosexual acts? If that is the case, you need to tell her about your limits. Don't forget that D&S must be safe, sane and consensual.
You need to discuss your feelings with your wife but in a humble and respectful way. Don't do it when you have been drinking. Humbly ask her for permission to discuss some of your concerns, pre-requisite it by telling her that you enjoy submitting to her, and then tell her about your limits. I am sure your wife is a reasonable woman who would never do anything to harm you. At some point, you must trust her. What did you think submission to a woman was about? It is submitting to her will even if it makes you uncomfortable. It takes trust and you need to trust her while at the same time, making sure she knows your fears and your limits.
You sound like a cautious man but in this case, you are allowing your conservative nature to rob you of what you have always wanted. You admit that you enjoyed it when you served your wife and her dominant friend. You enjoyed being disciplined by two women. Do you know how many men would love to trade places with you?
Obviously to play it safe is the most secure lifestyle there is. But it is also the dullest and least satisfying. If you wanted to play it safe, then why did you even get married? It is easier to live alone then to form a partnership with a woman. Why did you introduce your wife to this lifestyle? It would have been safer to keep your submissive desires to yourself. The fact is you needed to be married to a woman and the fact is you needed to be in submission to a woman. No matter how safe and conservative you are by nature, your desire for a mate and your desire for a dominant woman were stronger than your desire to play it safe.
The Genie is out of her bottle and your wife wants this lifestyle. You are not only robbing yourself of joy but you are robbing her of joy and excitement. You need to trust her and you need to throw some caution to the wind. Again, it is Ok to let her know of your concerns but then you must surrender those concerns to her and you must trust her.
Life is not perfect. Some men think their wives are moving too slow and other men think their wives are moving too fast with Female Domination. Genuine submission is to accept your wife as she is and for whom she is. Be thankful for what you have and count each day with her as a gift. Take the focus off yourself and place it on her. She wants to play with other people. As long as it is not sex, you should not be concerned. A lot of FemDom couples play with other couples. It is fun for a woman to show off her husband as he is in the submissive role. If she is happy and excited, then you should be happy and excited for her. That is true submission. The best way to ensure a happy marriage and a closer relationship with your wife, is by striving to make her happy. I do wish you both the absolute best.
Q. Dear Mrs Sutton, At first I want to apologize my poor English. I really hope I'll be able to make my question clear. I love your site, like many others do, very much and it helps me a lot to find some peace into my submissive feelings towards women. That is particularly towards my handsome and strongly beloved wife. I am a 62 years old male and my wife is 55 by now. We enjoy, still after 33 year of marriage, to have a very healthy and fulfilling sex life.
My wife knows all about my submissive feelings toward her because I told her one day. Though her heavy hesitance against being dominant towards me in daily life, she is willing to boss me when we are making love. She seems to love that very much, obviously because she can do and make me do entire things her very way and therefore she is able to orgasm every time we make love.
There is one point that I am concerned about. That is delivering over all the power within our marriage to my wife. So at one hand I would like very much to deliver my entire will to my beloved wife meanwhile at the other hand, I could become unhappy if Female Domination would run far beyond the former limits of our relationship and, of course, beyond my own vision on how far love goes.
So I am split up between two thoughts: should I enjoy the things I have by now and be grateful of them or, if I pushed some more that direction of D/s, would a life of Female Domination make us so much happier that it would be worth the risk? Ms Sutton, if you think my question could add something worthy to your most teaching and wonderful site, please give me an advice. I on forehand appreciate it. Thank you.
A. The short answer to your question is Yes to both! Be extremely grateful for what you have in your wife and how she dominates you in the bedroom. You are a blessed man and you should be thankful everyday that you are married to such a wonderful woman.
You should also be striving to serve your wife outside the bedroom, whether she wants to view it as FemDom or not. You are happy and she is happy so I would not force anything with her but you could make her even happier by always striving to make her life better through genuine servitude and submission. You don't want to push her into anything but rather seduce her dominance by serving her in a selfless manner. You were able to get her to dominate you in the bedroom once she understood how sex could be all about her pleasure if she took the dominant role. Likewise, once she sees how domestic and social submission on your part will enhance her life and her happiness, she will come to embrace being dominant outside the bedroom. But don't force her into anything or use terminology that makes her feel uncomfortable. Simply serve her and live your life to please her and you will find that your happiness can be multiplied.